How My Vagina Got Me Evicted Thrice.

August 3, 2020

Housing is a problem for a lot of Nigerians. It is not uncommon to find several people squatting together in a small apartment. I spoke to a 25 year old woman who has been evicted thrice because of her vagina.

How did everything start?

My first memory of being evicted happened in my 300 level when I stayed with a friend of mine. I didn’t have a place to stay and had to squat with her. Worst mistake ever. She used every opportunity to lord over me. I was fine until one day she accused me of trying to steal her man.

What? How did she come to that conclcusion?

Her boyfriend kept reaching out to me on Facebook trying to get with me. I couldn’t tell her cause of how awkward the situation was but I did my best not to engage him. When she kicked me out, she made a show of harassing me wherever she saw me. I kept thinking “look at this girl I defended when her boyfriend came to me with his suspicion of her cheating.” Thing is, word got to her boyfriend about her sugar daddy and he did everything to get me to talk to him about it. I didn’t breathe a word to him. You can imagine my surprise when they broke up and she came accusing me of putting sand in her garri. She called me a whore and literally threw me out of her house.

Hmm, Where did you go from there?

After that, I got myself a sugar daddy and he allowed me to stay in his family house.

Whoa, He did what?

Lol. My first sugar daddy had a family house nobody lived in. His family wasn’t around so he let me stay there. I had the whole house to myself which was nice considering how I grew up.

What was that like for you?

Housing has always been an issue for my family when I was growing up. I watched my mother struggle every year to pay rent while my father did his best to be as unavailable as the society will allow. So, I have always wanted my own space. As a kid, I dreamt of a time when I wouldn’t have to worry about being homeless.

I’m sorry. How did things go with your first sugar daddy?

I can’t really explain what it is, but I always find myself in situations where the other person is very controlling. My sugar daddy wanted to have sole ownership of me. It was ridiculous because I don’t like feeling caged or tied down. He did everything to make sure that he had monopoly over my life. Tried to monitor my outings, my calls, text, etc. When he saw that he couldn’t take full control, he kicked me out of his house.

Ahh. Why didn’t you get a place of your own while with him?

Truth is, I got a bit comfortable with living there. He was the type to insist that you show him complete loyalty before he does anything for you. I seriously doubt he would have gotten me a place. He liked knowing that I was accessible, vulnerable and in need of his help. 

This is your second eviction, how did the third happen?

I had nowhere to go. My friends were already joking that I had a vagina that made men want to possess me and when they can’t fully have me, they will do everything to get rid of me. By the time the second eviction happened, another friend, who was also having housing issues at the time, found a spot and invited me to move in with her. The funny thing is, a guy gave her the place temporarily but she didn’t like being alone with him and didn’t want him to feel comfortable coming around so she insisted I move in with her.

Yikes. Another housemate? What was that like?

It was actually fun. I loved living with her. All the chores I hated, she loved and all the ones she hated, I loved. It was a good fit until we both got kicked out of the house.

Again? Whyyy?

I don’t think the guy was comfortable with me being around all the time, he only wanted my friend to stay but she didn’t want to be alone when he came around so we packed our things. I remember the day we had to absolutely leave or face being thrown out with our things. My friend and I had packed up our belongings with nowhere in mind to go. We went to eat pepper soup and while eating, we both cried. I have never felt so helpless in my life. That was when sugar daddy 2 came into the picture.

So, you already had a backup plan?

No. In fact, sugar daddy no. 2 wasn’t someone I was giving attention to at the time. Out of desperation, I called everyone I could on my contact list asking for accommodation. Nobody would help me until he stepped up.

Glucose Guardian to the rescue.

Lol. Yes. He is the nicest man I have ever met. He was kind. He was good. He did everything to make us comfortable. He didn’t pressure me at all. He was so understanding about everything and by this time, we hadn’t even had sex or anything. When we finally did, it was something I wanted to do, not something I had to do. I think he is the only person that has ever truly understood that I am a free spirit and I cannot be tamed.

I understand. Do you still live with him?

No. I left him.

Why? Did he kick you out?

He didn’t. I met someone younger who found out that I stayed with him. The new person pressured me to leave, promising to get me my own space and make my life better. He kept calling himself Godsent.

You don’t sound impressed.

Maybe a few months ago, it seemed doable. He was taking care of my big bills and seemed very capable but now, after cutting ties with sugar daddy no. 2 and relocating to a new city to be with this new guy, things aren’t as great as they should be.

Why? What’s wrong?

I found out recently that the new guy is married with kids. I didn’t know this. I confronted him and he denied it even when I showed him his own wedding pictures.

Whoa. How did you relocate and live with a married man without knowing?

He is very young so it’s hard to tell. His family isn’t even in the country so it’s easier for him to get away with the lies. He doesn’t wear a ring. I have asked severally and he denied it with so much vim that I gave up.

What about the house he promised you?

Hmm. Corona really halted the plans for fixing up the place. I’ve stopped feeling optimistic about the place. I am not happy with him nor am I comfortable with the lies he told. He is very manipulative and I just don’t think I want this for myself.

Wait, Are you crying?

I’m sorry. I get really sad when I think about these things. I wonder why they keep happening to me. I want life to give me a break. I wish things were simpler. I wish I had a family that didn’t need to struggle to get the littlest things. I wish I didn’t have to grow up so fast and do the things I have done. I have so many regrets but overall, I am just so tired.

I’m truly sorry. Do you have a plan?

I plan to leave. I am gathering resources and hoping to start a business soon. I can’t keep living like this. I want more for myself but I have to leave first.

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