Being a woman in Nigeria is a full-time expense. I feel like Buhari should give us beauty allowance every month.
As a babe who doesn’t like spending money, I’m here to help you save money. Here are all the things that’ll drain your money so you can avoid them.
Imagine paying ₦15k for knotless braids and it gets rough two weeks later, or having to dye your hair. Instead of doing all these things to make your hair look nice, just cut it. A low cut is convenient and cheap, and you’ll get to pour water on your head anytime you want.
Being a firstborn
Once you have more than three siblings, just go and register your name with Emefiele. Congratulations, you are now a bank.
My advice is simple, just don’t come to the world as a female firstborn. If you can’t do that, be like Esau and trade your birthright.
Having a partner
Relationships are not cheap. On valentine’s day, you’ll have to buy gifts for your partner. On their birthday, you’ll also surprise them, and honestly, these things are not cheap. So just save your money by staying single.
Not having a partner
Apart from the fact that you might be lonely, you would also have to spend your own money on things like food, hair etc. The only reason my Instagram page isn’t private is because I want my future partner to find me so they can spend their money on me.
Going on girls trips
Stay in your house and watch Netflix. Have you seen the ticket prices ? Then you’ll still book an Airbnb, buy clothes, do your hair, do your nails blah blah blah. If you decide to stay in your house and watch a movie or FaceTime your friends instead, you’d save a lot of money.
Having a skincare routine
You want your skin to glow??? LMAOOOOO. The price of sunscreen is like ₦9k. Sometimes, I think of swallowing a glowstick instead of buying one more product.
Heavy and medium flow babes suffer the most here. Imagine using five pads a day so you don’t get stained in public. I want to come down from this REALITAY.
Just because your bestfriend is getting married doesn’t mean you should spend half of your salary on aso-ebi. Can’t just wear a lovely gown? This is why I have no friends.
Being emotionally invested in men
Instead of being emotionally invested in men, find something else to do, like learning how to knit.
Going on brunches
These are so good and worth the money tbh. I’ll go again and again and get tipsy on mimosas with my girls. Amen? [I still have no friends.]
Buying rich aunty clothes
Kaftans and abayas and two pieces, will take all your money. Maybe we should stop trying to look like a rich aunty. What do poor aunties look like? Because that’s what I’m channeling now.
My advice concerning this is that you should stay in your parents house till you get married, that way, you’ll get free food, accommodation, and trust me, you’ll save a lot of money. The only thing it’ll cost you is your mental health.
Can we go back in time and start sending letters again? Because I’m tired of spending money on gadgets. Imagine having to pay almost ₦500k for a phone because it’s a “fruit”, it’s lilac and you want it to match your aesthetics.
There’s three categories of people: those who have cars and spend money on fuel, those who take Uber/Bolt and have to listen to what the uber driver has to say and those who take the bus or BRT. Either way, you’ll still spend money. The solution is easy: grow wings and fly.
Anytime you’re hungry and feel like ordering food, just stop yourself. Go to your kitchen and whip up a nice meal instead. If you’re too lazy to cook, just drink garri.
Wearing clothes that haven’t been ironed
I don’t know how you’ll survive because which company is going to employ a woman in rumpled clothes. If nobody employs you, you’d be jobless, and if you’re jobless you’d be broke, very very broke.
Having a pet
Owning a pet is not only expensive but it would also stress you. You can barely feed yourself and you think you would be able to feed a pet?
Celebrating your birthday
Please, just stay in your room and sleep or cry or think about your life. This is why you should have rich friends who can plan a surprise party for you, or better still a sugar daddy who’ll give you all the money you need to plan a party.
Going for concerts
Instead of paying ₦20k to see Asake, just play his songs on your phone and pretend you’re at his concert.
Paying your tithe
Do with this information what you will.