Butter and a Few Friends Fight for Bread’s Attention

February 19, 2022

Everyone knows Bread is a bad bitch. She can be a bad bitch either alone or with company, so it’s no surprise when everyone tries to be Bread’s lover. She’s seen jam, beans, butter and even pap compete to be her primary companion. 

Today, Bread invited all her admirers to debate on why she should spend the rest of her life with one of them. 

Jam

Bread, you are sweet, but with me, you’re sweeter. I know I was created with you in mind, my sweetness was made for yours and my creator made me because you exist. I can’t imagine a life without you and I don’t want to spend the rest of mine without the food that works best with me. Ignore what the rest of them say because when you’re with me, you’re your best self. 

Butter

I know I’m multifaceted, but I spread better when I’m with you. We work together, I in you and you in me. Issues may arise from me seeing other foods, but you’re the one I want to continue spreading on for the rest of my life. Yours, butter. 

Beans

Butter said it’s multifaceted, but I’m the Beyonce of meals. I have been with you in different forms and I have weathered many storms with you. I’ve been with you as cooked beans, as ewa agoyin, as moin-moin, as akara and as ekuru. The list goes on and on. You too, see how many good and tasty things we’ve achieved together. I’m with you and for you and I look forward to being yours for as long as I live. 

Fried Egg

I am risking my relationship with Yam to be here today. Bread, if you don’t accept me, I’ll have nowhere to run to. You know we shouldn’t be doing this 

Mayonnaise 

To be very honest, I don’t know what I am doing here. I heard people shouting Bread and I decided to follow them. All I know is that people keep trying to force a relationship on us and I have been encouraging them. Even I know that we don’t go well together. I am a colonizer and that’s what I’m about to do here. 

Stew

I’ve been by your side before the rest of them existed and I have to admit that I’m a little heartbroken that you’re letting the others get to your head. Contrary to what you think, I am not your bro, I know my siblings and they know me. I want to be your lover, Dip yourself into me and experience hot,  spicy, unspeakable joy. 

Peanut Butter

I saw jam coming here and decided to join them. All I want is for Bread, jam and I to be a throuple and I’ll be ok. 

Indomie

I think I’m lost. Where is the way out of here?

*Oats and avocado are still at the door knocking, but Bread has heard enough*

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