• Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

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    This week’s subject on #NairaLife is a 25-year-old social media influencer. He talks about growing up poor and how seeing his mum’s efforts pushed him to start earning at 16. Today, he doesn’t need to leave his house to make his millions.

    What’s your earliest memory of money? 

    Hustling for ₦3k at 16. I helped nurses carry polio immunisation kits from house to house. I remember being irritated at how the children ran away and cried because of the injections. I thought,  “Oga, just stay and collect this thing. You’re wasting my time.”

    How long did you do this?

    I did it just once. The ₦3k was for three days of work. The crowd I saw on the day I went to get paid was so much that I couldn’t get my money. I had to come back another day.

    When I was told I couldn’t get my money that day, I felt especially terrible I didn’t have a dad. I wouldn’t have to hustle for ₦3k like that if my dad was around. I swore that I’d never be poor in life. The experience was that bad.

    Where was your dad?

    No idea. He just wasn’t around. I started working at 16 because, as the firstborn, I felt like I had to. It was just my mum, my younger sister and me, and at that point, I was old enough to realise how much my mum was doing for us. 

    My mum is a trader, but she made sure we wore good clothes, never skipped meals, and were never sent out for school fees. She put us through private primary school, but when it was time for secondary school, she sat us down and told us she couldn’t afford a private secondary school. 

    What was the switch like?

    Omo, first it was embarrassing. All my friends from primary school went to private secondary schools.

    I won’t lie; going into secondary school, I believed public school students weren’t as intelligent as private school students. It was a stereotype that flew around in my primary school. I soon realised it was a lie. People are smart everywhere. I’m hardworking today because of how hard I had to compete academically in senior secondary school. 

    Tell me about it

    My set was a bit too serious. The principal had to call an assembly to tell us to loosen up and come out to play sometimes because we were reading too much. We represented the school in competitions, some against private schools, and won. I don’t know what motivated the others, but I knew how hard my mum was working to take care of my sister and me, and I just didn’t want to disappoint her. 

    As serious as I was though, maths was a problem. I got an F when I wrote GCE in SS 2, and a D when I wrote WAEC in SS 3. I couldn’t get into university with those grades, so it was that year I stayed at home and did menial jobs like the immunisation one. 

    What other jobs did you do?

    I worked at a factory that produced hangers for ₦14k a month. I quit after a few months and got another job at a factory that printed past questions. That one paid ₦19k a month, but it was the most hazardous job ever. I inhaled so much smoke because I worked near a generator. There was a time I fell while carrying a load of heavy papers My boss saw me on the ground and said that if I destroyed the papers, the money would be deducted from my salary. My ₦19k salary!

    After another few months there, I left and did WAEC and JAMB lessons. I used my money to pay. By 2015, when I was 18, I entered university to study mass communication.

    Was that what you wanted?

    Yes. I liked listening to the OAPs on Beat FM, so I thought I could do something in entertainment. In fact, because of how much they talked about Twitter, I opened a Twitter account and started being funny and steadily gaining followers in their hundreds and thousands. 

    Was it your mum who supported you through university?

    For about two years. In 2017, I started making my own money. 

    What were you doing?

    Freelance writing on Fiverr. I had roommates who made money designing for clients on Fiverr, so when my mum got me a laptop, I signed up and offered writing as a service.

    How did you learn to write?

    I wrote essays all the time in secondary school, so writing didn’t feel like a skill I had to learn. 

    When I started using Fiverr, I had to use a VPN to make it seem like I wasn’t in Nigeria because, for some reason, it was hard for Nigerians to get jobs. Within 24 hours of opening an account, I got an essay-writing job that paid $5. 

    In less than two months, I made $100 — the threshold for a first withdrawal. It was about ₦50k when I withdrew it. If you see my mum’s joy when I called her to tell her I made that much from writing online. She even called our pastor and told him. 

    That year, I made about $500. 

    Was it just through essay writing?

    My brother, when poverty holds you, your creativity will come up. I wrote marketing articles, essays, assignments, and even poems for people’s partners. There was also a lady that paid me just to rant to me. 

    You were also doing therapist work? God when?

    But I wasn’t saving sha. I was spending the money anyhow. Even the next year, when I made almost $4k by levelling up, I didn’t save. I sent my mum some money, but I wasted the rest in school. 

    How did you level up?

    When your account shows that you’ve completed a lot of work and received encouraging comments, you level up on the platform and get jobs easier. At this point, I wasn’t using a VPN account anymore. I’d created another account and patiently waited to get jobs, but it was worth it in the end.

    But in my 400 level, I lost my account because the PayPal account linked with it was connected to another Fiverr account. 

    How?

    Nigerian PayPal accounts can’t receive money, so I had to use the services of a guy who had foreign PayPal accounts to receive my payments. He mistakenly used the account he was using for me for another person. 

    Damn. Did you lose money?

    I got the money in the Fiverr account after 90 days of suspension, but I couldn’t get the account back. I’d have to start from scratch again. I was in my final year doing projects, so I decided not to bother. It would be too much work. 

    Also, I realise, in retrospect, that I did a terrible job at networking. When I google the names and companies I worked with as a freelancer, I scream. If I’d kept those relationships, I wouldn’t have been stranded and broke like I was after that account loss. 

    It was bad?

    I met sapa. I couldn’t ask my mum for money because I’d stopped for a while, so I was just suffering. I even started selling the middle pages of my foolscap notes for ₦20 whenever we had class tests. Right before I graduated, I got my first social media campaign job. A brand reached out because they saw I had engaged followers. The job paid ₦10k. This happened a couple more times in 2019.

    After I graduated in 2019, I helped my classmates write CVs for ₦2k per CV. Then on one of those days when I had nothing to do, I had a bright idea. Since I’d already studied mass communication, it’d be smart for me to learn a foreign language too. I went and made inquiries, and the language I wanted to learn cost ₦63k for six weeks. 

    Did you do it?

    I didn’t have the money, so I tweeted about my situation, and a Twitter friend reached out, asked me how much the classes cost, sent the money and asked me to return it whenever I could. I’d never met this person physically.

    A few months later, I found out she died. I was heartbroken. 

    Sorry about that. Did you learn the language?

    Yes. But I’ve not used it for anything. 

    How did you get back on your feet? 

    In 2020, more brands started reaching out to me to push their products and services. I was getting ₦100k and ₦200k gigs. That’s when I also started getting writing gigs. I started doing CVs, website articles, assignments, and statements of purpose. But I was charging much higher than my freelance days. It was just knowing my worth and not being afraid to charge people. 

    I also had my only 9-5 in 2020. It was a digital marketing job that I quit after two months. 

    Why?

    My boss told me to shut up over the phone. On top ₦66k salary. Ah. 

    LMAO

    2021 was the beginning of proper financial stability. I was making at least ₦300k a month from writing and influencing, but more from influencing. That’s when I bought an iPhone and MacBook and put my mum on a ₦40k monthly allowance. 

    Omo mummy

    She didn’t care much about the amount I was giving her. As long as I gave her money, she called and prayed for me like I’d just blessed her with millions. At some point, I realised giving her money was an investment in my mental health. The fact that she was happy with me was proof that I was doing something right.

    I even did my first investment in 2021.

    What kind?

    I put ₦1.5m in a friend’s business and got ₦300k every month for four months, then I got my ₦1.5m back. 

    Mad. How’s 2022 been?

    I do the same things I’ve been doing for money, but I make more money because my brand is bigger. I run multiple campaigns concurrently. On an average month this year, I’ve made at least ₦700k, all from the comfort of my apartment. Oh yeah, I finally moved out this year too. I paid ₦500k for rent and have spent about ₦400k buying home appliances. 

    Do you save now?

    Haha, I save almost all my money now.

    Break down how much money you spend in a month

    How much do you have invested? 

    I put ₦2m in a crypto company, and they give me ₦100k a month. 

    And how much do you have in savings?

    Maybe about ₦4m. 

    Can I see your rates?

    What’s the hardest part about being an influencer? 

    The fact that I have to put my life out there. It’s a bit tough. I don’t like it, but I have to do it. 

    At 25, do you think you’ve done well for yourself? 

    Yeah. I live alone in my flat. I’ve placed my mum on salary, and I sponsor my sister’s education. I have two people I pay salaries; one who manages one of my accounts (₦50k) and my assistant (₦80k). There are others I pay for writing for me. In my own capacity, I’ve also helped followers who DM with genuine stories. So yeah, I feel like I’m in a good place. 

    Is there any levelling up to do?

    Of course. I want to reach a point where ₦20m is nothing to me. Do I have any specific plans? No. I just know it’ll be through business and maybe getting a high-paying job. 

    What’s a high-paying job?

    ₦2m a month. 

    Is there something you want now but can’t afford?

    A house. I don’t need a house, but it’s the only thing I want but can’t afford. 

    On a scale of 1 to 10, what’s the level of your financial happiness? 

    I would say 7. Because everything I need now, I can afford. Until I get to the point where ₦20m is nothing, it cannot be a 10. 


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  • On September 21st, 2022, Buhari addressed world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA). It’s the final address he’ll ever give at the annual summit as Nigeria’s president as he prepares to pack his bags in May 2023 to return home to Daura:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    Home is where the milk is

    …or London:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    Home is where the flight takes me

    We sat through the president’s speech so you don’t have to, and here are the things we learnt.

    Buhari is jealous of Twitter’s power

    It’s not a secret that Buhari isn’t a big fan of Twitter. After all, he did suspend the social media app in Nigeria for seven months because they deleted his sketchy tweet.

    Buhari’s UNGA speech showed that not only does he still hate Twitter, but he’s also jealous of its global influence. The president lamented that social media platforms like Twitter now give influencers the springboard to be louder than leaders on social and environmental issues.

    Our only message to Twitter can then only be this:

    Buhari doesn’t want to pay his gbese

    Nigeria’s total public debt when Buhari became president in 2015 was ₦12.1 trillion. The debt has risen like yeast over the years to ₦42.9 trillion in June 2022. Buhari’s critics have always been concerned about his debt repayment plan, but his speech at this year’s UNGA showed that he’s counting on not paying everything back.

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    “I’m not a Lannister”

    The president appealed to world leaders to consider debt cancellation for Nigeria countries facing the most severe fiscal challenges. Let’s hope he didn’t run into China’s UN delegation after his speech.

    Baba Go Slow hates the pace of democracy

    Buhari has earned many nicknames since he became president: Johnny Walker, Travel Blogger-in-Chief, Bubu, Jubril Al-Sudani and more. But the only nickname he’s ever publicly adopted himself is Baba Go Slow, which his critics used to mock the pace he deals with issues.

    The president was quick to blame the slowness of the democratic process for his own slow pace when he delivered his UNGA address. This is how he described it to world leaders:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    The silver lining about this part of the president’s speech is he conceded democracy still provides a government with the legitimacy it needs to deliver positive change. At least, we can be confident he’ll pack his bags and leave when his second term expires in May.

    Buhari is a climate change advocate

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    “With these few points of mine…”

    Many Nigerians don’t give him credit for it, but Bubu is one of the biggest champions of climate action. It’s an issue he regularly touches on in his UNGA speeches, and his final address wasn’t an exception.

    The president reminded world leaders that Africa produces only a small proportion of greenhouse gas emissions but suffers consequences that are disproportional. His proposed solution to his colleagues is to do everything possible and mitigate the effects of the climate crisis. Let’s just be glad he didn’t propose that they ban climate change like he wants to ban everything.

    Buhari will miss his UN trips

    All good things must come to an end, and we can all recognise that bitter feeling when the curtain calls.  Buhari acknowledged this in his final UNGA speech by providing what he called his “final reflection from this famous podium”. 

    No one asked him, but he said the one legacy he’d like to leave behind is that the world holds strongly onto values that endure. And what are those values? Justice, honour, integrity, ceaseless endeavour, and partnership within and between nations. 

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    We don’t remember anytime Buhari used any of those things to reduce the price of beans or the unemployment rate in Nigeria, but it’s probably one of those, “Do as I say, not as I do” situations.

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    ALSO READ: What We Learnt from Buhari’s Trip to Imo

  • Femi Fani-Kayode, a former federal minister, and Dino Melaye, a former senator, have exactly two things in common — they’ve both been in the same Nollywood film and possess an abundant lack of shame. Both men have years of political experience under their belts, but their most visible contribution to Nigerian politics has been farcical comedy.

    Femi Fani-Kayode and Dino Melaye Have Gone Mad Again

    On the one hand, Fani-Kayode is unintentionally hilarious because he takes himself too seriously and shoots off wacky conspiracy theories like evil spirits directing Nigeria’s affairs.

    On the other hand, Dino Melaye is a deeply intentional comedian with his skits and theatrics, including dodging a court appearance by faking a kidnap story that involved hiding on a treetop for 11 hours

    Together, Fani-Kayode and Melaye are both the unstoppable force and immovable object of political comedy in Nigeria. And they clashed on social media this week.

    Femi Fani-Kayode and Dino Melaye Have Gone Mad Again

    Who started it?

    On September 4th, 2022, Fani-Kayode called for the arrest of Melaye and the leadership of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) for alleged corruption. He said Melaye confessed in an interview that PDP governors spent money on delegates to elect party chairman, Iyorchia Ayu, in 2021, violating electoral laws. 

    And because Fani-Kayode can’t do without speaking big English, he called the PDP “a party of scammers, carpet-baggers, vote-procurers, petty thieves, pickpockets and yahoo-yahoo criminals.”

    Fani-Kayode also warned the Nigerian police to take action or he’d be forced to drag the PDP to court. You see, unintentional comedian.

    How did Melaye take it?

    Melaye didn’t take Fani-Kayode’s finger-pointing too well when he issued his own response hours later. First, he said the comment his nemesis referred to was from an old interview — as if that changes anything — and devolved into his own round of name-calling like “bootlicker”, “drug addict” and “a serial hustler around food dispensers”.

    And this was when the real war moved to the worst place imaginable: Twitter.

    A timeline of insults… and skits

    Fani-Kayode spent much of September 5th calling Melaye an “asslicker” and drug addict with tweets like this:

    And Melaye responded with a video clip of a random woman calling Fani-Kayode a drug addict.

    On September 6th, Melaye played his next card: a clip of the current Minister of Transportation, Rotimi Amaechi, accusing Fani-Kayode of embezzling over ₦2 billion during his tenure as Minister of Aviation between 2006 and 2007. Melaye now added his own jara that Fani-Kayode spent the money on drugs.

    Fani-Kayode responded with his own video “proof” that Amaechi’s allegation was bogus. He also found it in his heart to call Melaye a “fat, desperate, mannerless, filthy and uncouth plebian, peasant and clown”.

    But the entire time, he still considered his engagement to be “mild and restrained”.

    God save us all if this is restrained

    Before we go on, here’s an intermission showing Melaye doesn’t know how front cameras work:

    And back to the battleground, Fani-Kayode posted this hilarious video of Melaye seriously play-acting to avoid police detention. He also dropped some mean words mixed with homophobia, because that’s who this former minister is.

    He followed it up with this picture of Melaye in the trenches to remind him he used to be poor:

    And Melaye was quick to reply that with, “And so?”

    We presume Drake’s “Started from the Bottom” was playing in the background when he tweeted this

    Does this thing end?

    For the grand finale that’s better than what Game of Thrones gave the world, Fani-Kayode and Melaye finished with a battle of skits.

    Melaye dropped his skit first and it looked like this:

    And Fani-Kayode responded with his own skit:

    We really just have some sympathy for those bodyguards and hangers-on who were dragged into the production of these skits to earn their urgent ₦2k. Also, it wasn’t a great day for interior decor.

    So, who won?

    After dragging each other back and forth for three days, Melaye tweeted that he’d no longer dignify a politically-irrelevant Fani-Kayode with more responses. 

    And Fani-Kayode graciously accepted the ceasefire by calling Melaye a lipstick-wearing pig. He also hinted that the ceasefire happened because “leaders” intervened behind the scenes.

    Femi Fani-Kayode and Dino Melaye Have Gone Mad Again

    And now, we hope we can start seeing some of the “issues-based election campaigns” everyone talks about even though we never really see it happen.


    ALSO READ: The 2023 Presidential Campaign Promises We Already Find Laughable


  • Once in a while, small breeze blows on the internet to remind us that even though “Men are scum” is a dying phrase, men are still wreaking havoc in real life. 

    Someone tweeted asking women to tell them the pettiest reasons why they stopped talking to someone they liked. We promise you nothing can prepare you for the responses people gave. Brace yourself.

    The man really said, “relax, it’s enough”

    He probably thought this was a Tyler Perry movie

    Father in heaven!

    LMAO. This is like 2 + 2 = Range Rover

    We know a Yoruba man when we see one

    As the saying goes, “First to do no dey pain”


    RELATED: 10 of the Funniest Tweets from Nigerian Women in April 2022


    This one took “Stay wicked” too far. Lord Voldemort, please

    We stan a man who’s focused on the hustle. But it’s giving kidnapper vibes

    Can we even blame ASUU for this travesty?

    He wants you to fight for your love, literally!

    This is why people make diss tracks when they finally blow


    NEXT READ : Nigerian Men Need to Come Out and Explain These Hilarious Dark Jokes


  • No one knows tomorrow, but Nigerian politicians are fond of talking like they have a crystal ball and know how the future plays out. As long as the goal is to get them into office, they can use mouth to build an ocean in the middle of the desert or command $1 to be the same as ₦1.

    Buhari tweets.

    This is the case of Muhammadu Buhari before he became president and his tweets that have aged as well as fried rice.

    An important question in 2015 and 2022

    Buhari tweets.

    After seven years of Buhari, Nigerians can still be attacked travelling by road, rail, or air.

    Bubs, we’re also begging

    The unemployment rate was 6.4% at the end of 2014 but is now 33% after seven years of Buhari.

    Buhari tweets.

    ALSO READ: Buhari’s Weirdest Decisions We Thought Were April Fool’s Day Jokes But Weren’t

    Incompetence Pro Max

    Buhari tweets.

    This was tweeted by a man who, years later, can throw a dinner party in the thick of a national tragedy.

    Fuel queues yesterday, today and forever

    Those fuel queues haven’t disappeared. If anything, they’ve worsened dramatically.

    Laughs in subsequent medical issues

    Went on to spend over 200 days abroad on medical leave.

    Who is Boko Haram?

    Buhari tweets.

    Buhari has gone on to claim many victories over Boko Haram even though nearly 100 Chibok girls are still missing.

    The more things change…

    This is even more valid in 2022 than it was in 2015. After seven years of the tweet’s author being in charge, death tolls have only skyrocketed. But we can agree with Buhari on one thing: Nigerians do deserve better.

    ALSO READ: The 2023 Presidential Campaign Promises We Already Find Laughable

  • There’s nothing the Nigerian Police Force cannot do. Sure, they can protect you as it says in their job description, but they can also be your worst enemy. They can make up crimes that don’t exist at (illegal) checkpoints, or they can go on Twitter to post safety tips for your benefit.

    These safety tips on how to navigate Nigeria come directly from the Police:

    “Never use car stickers that say where you work, especially if you have a prestigious job.”

    Vehicles are only made for hilarious inscriptions.

    “Never share pictures of your kids in their school uniforms or badges. Protect your kids!”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    Unless you’re sure your kids can protect themselves, of course.

    “When you attend parties, don’t let the band get you so high that you start spraying money. Use an envelope.”

    Stop showing off.

    “Don’t be the one that tries to empty the ATM machine by making large withdrawals. You don’t need 50k in your wallet to feel like a man.”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    Seriously, stop showing off. Hot kidnappers in your area are waiting to hook up.

    “Always delete your bank transaction notifications, especially SMS. You really can memorise your bank balance…shred your POS/ATM receipts.”

    To be honest, this is sound advice to protect yourself against criminals and police officers at checkpoints.

    ALSO READ: 5 “Normal Things” The Nigerian Police Can Arrest You For

    “Don’t go jogging while it’s dark, you really should be smarter than that. If you can, get someone trusted as company.”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    It can either mean potential kidnappers will be discouraged, or you’ll at least have company in captivity.

    “Always lock your doors, even if you’re only going out to switch off your generator.”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    Don’t leave room for all the weapons fashioned against you to prosper.

    “NEVER NEVER, NEVER EVER WEAR YOUR ID card outside your workplace. No one needs to know where you work.”

    No one needs to know you’re a pornography historian or whatever it is you do.

    “Be accountable to your spouse or parents, let someone know where you are at every point.”

    “I’m on my way to the strip club. Tell the children I’ll be home before dinner.”

    “As much as you can, don’t send kids alone on errands outside your house, they’re soft targets.”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    Again, ignore this advice only if the child can square up in a fight.

    ALSO READ: How to Become a Gun Owner in Nigeria

    “Don’t try to show that you are the richest in the neighbourhood by making large donations in your estate meetings, learn modesty.”

    Don’t do as the spirit leads. Resist the urge.

    “When you give, give with modesty and privately, and learn to say “I can’t spare that amount now.”

    The “Urgent 2k” industry won’t be happy with this message.

    “Don’t stay late in your office long after closing hours. That deadline work can be done later or at home if you wish.”

    Always be home early enough for the 7 o’clock news, unless you stay in Lagos.

    “Make safety the number one factor in your decision always!”

    Stay jiggy – Nigerian Police Force.

    “Mind what you post about yourself on social media.”

    Useful safety tips from the Nigerian Police Force

    How many times do you really need to tweet that your money grows like grass?

    ALSO READ: You Only Need Three Things at Nigerian Police Checkpoints

  • If you sometimes wonder whether you’re just a little too dependent on Twitter, then this list should help clear your doubt.

    You’re blocked by at least 20 people. 

    The more you use Twitter, the more likely you are to say something that someone considers stupid. So, if you scroll through the app and encounter at least one “you’ve been blocked by this account”, then you use the app too much. 

    You’ve blocked at least 20 people.

    Since Twitter allows anyone to say almost anything, you’ve probably come across tweets that made you block accounts. It’s fine. We’ve all been there. 

    RELATED: 5 Nigerians Tell Us Why They Have Burner Twitter Accounts

    It’s the first app you use when you wake up 

    You read it like the newspaper and that’s why it’s the first thing you check when you wake up in the morning. You want to get caught up on all the things that happened while you slept. 

    You find yourself using Twitter phrases like “He do usually lost?” “Kiki Mordi no go fok?” and “Ayomide rise, don’t waste my money” in real life. 

    People who don’t use Twitter as often don’t understand what you’re saying. You may try to explain to your friend what KMNGF means, but they won’t get it. The jokes fly over their heads, and sometimes, they assume you don’t know English. 

    You’ve patronised at least five Twitter vendors 

    You choose Twitter vendors because you know you have enough street cred to drag them if they do rubbish. You may have dragged one or two, but trust us, you’ll still drag a few more. 

    You save at least five memes a day 

    Memes are beginning to take up almost all the space in your gallery. You can save yourself stress and visit our meme website

    RELATED: QUIZ: Can We Guess Your Age Based on Your Taste in Memes? 

    You’ve been the Twitter main character before 

    Every day on Twitter, there’s a main character everyone focuses their energy either on fighting or defending. Use Twitter long enough, and you’d find yourself as the main character one day. 

    You’ve seen your tweet on Instagram 

    Have you really made it if someone hasn’t taken a screenshot of your tweet to post on Twitter? That’s how you separate the addicts from the regular users. Twitter addicts are hilarious. 

    You’re reading this article from Twitter 

    Someone probably shared the tweet with you, or you saw it on your tl. You never bother visiting our website directly because you already see all our tweets. 

    You’ve dated someone you met on Twitter

    Stayed on the app long enough to find love? Both of you might still be together, or it might have scattered. Either way, you both #MetonTwitter. 

    RELATED: 6 Nigerian Men Talk About Finding Love on Twitter 


    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

  • Everyone and their grandmother is declaring to contest in Nigeria’s 2023 presidential election. A certain aspirant’s announcement has inspired more Nigerians to announce their own intentions to run for president on Twitter.

    We Rated The Chances of Everyone Running for President on Twitter

    Their chances of winning are laughably impossible, but we rated their Twitter announcements anyway.

    9.5/10

    Audacious lie, check. Crisp campaign picture, check. Innovative slogan, check. Campaign promises that we all know are lies, check. It’s giving everything we expect from someone running for president. 

    5.5/10

    Too much lighting. Can’t look voters in the face. More likely to be appointed Minister of Fashion. 

    7/10

    https://twitter.com/FaruqBashar/status/1513428476728168448?s=20&t=OqvP-uTnpI2L5ezz8lK7ow

    Pro: He’ll legalise weed. 

    Con: Will spend national budget on owambe

    8/10

    Obviously in the race to stop family members from starving. We can all understand that sentiment. 

    ALSO READ: Why Nigeria (Probably) Needs a 102-Year-Old President

    8.5/10

    The fit is presidential. The speech is precise. But we’re not getting carried away. We need some campaign promises. How long before semo is banned? 

    7/10

    https://twitter.com/Lharryvee/status/1513486181274722310?s=20&t=OqvP-uTnpI2L5ezz8lK7ow

    That rolling of the sleeves sells this candidacy. This is a candidate that’ll pretend he knows how to fix a faulty car just for the campaign pictures. Real presidential material. 

    7/10

    Not a lot of poets run for president so maybe we should give this man a chance. The black and white vibe of the campaign picture gives us cause for pause, though. 

    3/10

    Obviously not a serious person. Too lazy to roll out with a campaign picture. 

    8/10

    We approve of a candidate that’s sincere even if he’s bad boy. He may do all the wrong things as president, but he’ll be entertaining as hell. 

    10/10

    This passes the vibe check. Anyone that looks at this declaration and says it’s not a 10/10 must be Lai Mohammed’s protege. 

    5/10

    Looks like Dino Melaye reincarnated. Will waste national budget on luxury cars.

    6/10

    Way too many pictures for a declaration. Interesting choice of location too. Will spend national budget on fine dining

    4/10

    It’s always best to run away from candidates that use God to run for office. They’re all detty liars. 

    8/10

    Pro: Three-day weekend that cancels Monday. 

    Con: Can’t look voters in the face. 

    4/10

    https://twitter.com/sliqbak/status/1513457654663979009?s=20&t=Vwgk15nFFnPvCdf1L-bvvw

    Can’t quite place it but it looks like he’s running for the position of course rep, not a country’s president. Too young to run.

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  • Imagine Nigeria functioning like other countries: no traffic, free education, free medical care, a decent economy, stable electricity. The fact that we had to invent these scenarios should tell you about the nightmare we’re living in, but let’s pretend everything is okay for a second and laugh at this compilation of truly hilarious tweets because humour is the only way we can cope.

    1. The tweet that started it all

    But, aren’t we already a menace as it is? 

    2. Why did we even do this? 

    3. And they must pronounce Nigerian names properly too.

    4. They should also list all the songs from that album.

    5. One hour of legwork is mandatory. 

    6. Because there is only one right answer. 

    7. Omo! Nawa.

    8. Just following in their footsteps innit? 

    9. Screaming!

    10. At least they will receive a small allowance.

    11. Do we not do this?  

    12. Please, abeg. 

    13. If you ask for water, just forget about it. 


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