Zikoko walks into an office with gold-plated furniture everywhere.

Image source: Luxuryfurnitureandlighting


Twi… X?

X Premium turns around on her swivel chair with arms spread wide.

X Premium: Welcome.

Zikoko: Thank you.

X Premium: Come, sit.

Zikoko: Yeah.

Zikoko looks around the room.

Zikoko: I just need to take in the decor of this place.

X Premium: It’s great, abi? When they said I should come in for the rebrand, the first thing I did was the office.

Zikoko moves further into the room, cautiously.

X Premium: I’m sure you’ve heard of all my exploits.

Zikoko: Exploits?

X Premium: You know, the great things I’ve done with X.

Zikoko: Yes, I know what exploits means. I just can’t believe you used it to describe your deeds.

X Premium: Do you know I bring in the money in this place? I’m the boss.

Zikoko: What happened to Elozonam?

X Premium: Who?

Zikoko: Right, I had that conversation with the bird. I’m talking about Elon.

X Premium: Oh, him? He’s the boss too. He likes to call me his brainchild. But I run things around here, so who’s the child now?

Zikoko: Huh?

X Premium: 

Let’s forget about that and focus on all the great things I’ve done.

Zikoko pulls out a pen and notepad.

Zikoko: Like what?

X Premium:

You’re joking, right? I’m making people blow. People are cashing out.

Zikoko: Yeah, how does that work?

X Premium: You don’t sound impressed. Why don’t you sound impressed?


Me? I’m impressed o. Ahh. Only you by yourself, you’re doing poverty alleviation scheme.

X Premium: Thank you! You get the vision.

X Premium goes around her desk and throws her hand around Zikoko’s shoulder.

X Premium: See, one day I had a dream. Solve world hunger.

Zikoko: Via Twitter?

X Premium:

Zikoko: Sorry, X.

X Premium: Yes. 

Zikoko: So your subscribers are paying you to solve world hunger?

X Premium: Technically, they’re paying each other. It’s a great way for money to circulate.

Zikoko shuts the notepad and bends down to pick their bag.

Zikoko: Every time I conduct these interviews, I hear rubbish.

X Premium: Where are you going?

Zikoko: Back to my office before you use aspire to perspire so you don’t expire to finish me.

X Premium: So you don’t see the vision?

Zikoko: Mama, there’s no vision. Nobody can see anything. You just wanted people to subscribe and post longer tweets… exes… exclamation points? Woh, whatever you’re calling it now. It sha wasn’t working.

X Premium: Please, leave my office.

Zikoko: I was already leaving. You and your fake gold office can continue the good work.

Zikoko walks out and shuts the door.

X Premium: 

It’s real gold!



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.