Zikoko walks into an office with gold-plated furniture everywhere.
X Premium turns around on her swivel chair with arms spread wide.
X Premium: Welcome.
Zikoko: Thank you.
X Premium: Come, sit.
Zikoko looks around the room.
Zikoko: I just need to take in the decor of this place.
X Premium: It’s great, abi? When they said I should come in for the rebrand, the first thing I did was the office.
Zikoko moves further into the room, cautiously.
X Premium: I’m sure you’ve heard of all my exploits.
X Premium: You know, the great things I’ve done with X.
Zikoko: Yes, I know what exploits means. I just can’t believe you used it to describe your deeds.
X Premium: Do you know I bring in the money in this place? I’m the boss.
Zikoko: What happened to Elozonam?
X Premium: Who?
Zikoko: Right, I had that conversation with the bird. I’m talking about Elon.
X Premium: Oh, him? He’s the boss too. He likes to call me his brainchild. But I run things around here, so who’s the child now?
Let’s forget about that and focus on all the great things I’ve done.
Zikoko pulls out a pen and notepad.
Zikoko: Like what?
You’re joking, right? I’m making people blow. People are cashing out.
Zikoko: Yeah, how does that work?
X Premium: You don’t sound impressed. Why don’t you sound impressed?
Me? I’m impressed o. Ahh. Only you by yourself, you’re doing poverty alleviation scheme.
X Premium: Thank you! You get the vision.
X Premium goes around her desk and throws her hand around Zikoko’s shoulder.
X Premium: See, one day I had a dream. Solve world hunger.
Zikoko: Via Twitter?
Zikoko: Sorry, X.
X Premium: Yes.
Zikoko: So your subscribers are paying you to solve world hunger?
X Premium: Technically, they’re paying each other. It’s a great way for money to circulate.
Zikoko shuts the notepad and bends down to pick their bag.
Zikoko: Every time I conduct these interviews, I hear rubbish.
X Premium: Where are you going?
Zikoko: Back to my office before you use aspire to perspire so you don’t expire to finish me.
X Premium: So you don’t see the vision?
Zikoko: Mama, there’s no vision. Nobody can see anything. You just wanted people to subscribe and post longer tweets… exes… exclamation points? Woh, whatever you’re calling it now. It sha wasn’t working.
X Premium: Please, leave my office.
Zikoko: I was already leaving. You and your fake gold office can continue the good work.
Zikoko walks out and shuts the door.
It’s real gold!