• You stop seeing the typical Nigerian tweets

    So you mean no one is insulting another person’s daddy over a small disagreement? Where am I?

    But you see “.eth” everywhere

    Once you start seeing usernames that end with “(3,3)”, mentally take off your shoes and brace yourself. You’re at the entrance to crypto Twitter.

    You don’t understand anything

    Just know you’ll start seeing words that make no sense. You’ll scroll through your feed thinking “Wetin be FUD?” and “Which one is GMI again? Golden Morn?” 

    Everyone talks like they have money

    It doesn’t matter that the market is down and everyone’s wallet is in tears. Once a rich person, always a rich person.

    You start seeing “fiat” too often

    On top of that, they constantly shade the paper money you still don’t have.

    Memes… everywhere!

    Nobody makes jokes like crypto folks. So, if you start seeing too many memes, you’re probably in crypto Twitter. Even if everything else vexes you, you can at least laugh at the memes.


    They say if you can’t beat them, join them. To join crypto Twitter, you need to first own some crypto yourself. You can do this easily on the Luno app, which allows you buy cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Litecoin and Ethereum. Download the app and sign up to get started.


    Crypto Dictionary

    (3,3) – “Good morning”

    FUD – Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt

    Fiat – Paper currencies like naira, dollar etc.

    GMI – “Gonna make it?”

  • If anyone can tell you’ve been dragged before, it’s us.

    Tick all that apply:

    Don’t leave without getting your ticket to HERtitude 2023!
  • I saw this tweet and immediately sighed a heavy negro sigh. Our dear new Twitter owner wants to squeeze every single penny from us on top of this app. 

    It’s partially our fault sha. After shouting, “How can this app be free?” for years, Elon has said, “Aii bet.”

    Now, we’re pretty sure he’ll soon say only Twitter Blue subscribers can do these things: 

    Unlimited tweets 

    He’ll announce that basic bitches like us would only have access to 20 tweets per month. If you want unlimited tweets, pay for Twitter Blue. For those of us who’d finish the 20 tweets in two hours but refuse to pay, we’d finally have time to discover the cure for AIDS or come up with new creations, like a noiseless blender. 

    Unlimited mentions 

    Elon would find a way to limit the number of people you can mention in a tweet, just because he wants you to subscribe to Twitter Blue. When you see, “Tag someone who…,” you’d think twice before responding. Your new thing would be putting the person’s name instead of their @ and sending the tweet to their DMs so they can see it and reply. 

    Twitter Spaces

    Can’t lie, I won’t mind this one because people are too quick to start spaces these days.  Any small talk on the TL, and there’s a space. Let this be the problem of Blue Tick Twitter, abeg. 

    Quote tweets 

    Forget ratioing people who annoy you, because Elon would limit your ability to quote people’s tweets too. Before you know it, you’d see: “You can’t quote this tweet because you have reached your target number of quotes for the month. To quote as many tweets as you like, subscribe for Twitter Blue.”

    Posting pictures 

    People would only be able to post one picture at a time or a certain number of pictures per month, unless they pay. Forget about monthly dumps and random screenshots of everything happening in your life.  

    Have followers 

    Yeah, that’s right. It may get to a point where people wouldn’t be able to follow you because you’ve reached the highest number of followers a free account can have. You’d wake up one day and see you’ve lost more than half your followers because our Tesla oga said we have to pay to have extra people following us. 

    Tweet about certain topics 

    I solidly stand behind this one. So that those who want to recycle the same topics every five days — who pays for dates or should women cook for men — would finally be stopped. Let them go and be a problem among the rich in Blue Tick Twitter. 

    Everything 

    The entire app would become subscription-based like Netflix or Apple Music. The way things are going, Elon will definitely ask us to pay to access the app at all. And that’s the day I’ll go back to Facebook. 

    ALSO READ: You Can’t Survive Nigerian Twitter If You Don’t Know These 25 Slangs 

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  • If there’s one thing Twitter NG is good for, it’s coming up with the most random slangs every day and expecting everyone to catch up.

    After a Twitter user posted this about Faze:

    And another responded in defence of Faze’s state of origin:

    I decided to create a Zikoko dictionary of 25 abbreviations, slangs and phrases you need to master if you hope to avoid embarrassment on Twitter NG. Get your pen and papers out, and may the odds ever be in your favour. 

    IMO 

    “In My Opinion” — Used when no one actually asked for your opinion.

    IMHO 

    “In My Humble Opinion” — Used when you want to offer thoughts no one asked for, but with a sprinkle of respect.

    IPNTS 

    “I Prefer Not To Speak” — Used when you know your opinion will land you in hot trouble. Or when you actually want people to beg you for said  opinion. 

    Drag

    This verb refers to when the internet is attacking someone for their questionable opinions or choices.

    Let him cook 

    Used when you’re in full support of the TL dragging someone. 

    Ratio 

    Used when the negative/mocking responses to a tweet get more engagement than the tweet that started the discussion in the first place. Example: “They just ratioed your friend on the TL after he said he mixed plantain with ice cream.” 

    YKTV

    “You Know The Vibes” — Used when you and someone are on the same page. 

    IFYP

    “I Feel Your Pain” — For when you understand what someone is going through. 

    IKDR

    “I Know Das Right” — Used when you support someone’s opinion or choices. 

    Sus 

    Simply means you find someone or something suspicious. Example: Don’t you think it’s a bit sus that INEC said more people came out to vote during the gubernatorial elections than the presidential polls? 

    RECOMMENDED: Your Twitter TL Isn’t Complete if You Don’t Have These People on It

    BFR 

    “Be Fucking Real” or “Be For Real” — Used when reacting to something that sounds unbelievable and you need the source to stop messing around. 

    LMK

    “Let Me Know“ — For when you need someone to let you know. Duh. 

    FFS

    “For Fuck Sake“ — Used when you’re shocked or disappointed. 

    FGS

    “For God Sake“ — Used when you want to say FFS in a way that pleases God. 

    TL;DR

    “Too Long; Didn’t Read“ — Used when you really don’t give two shits about reading the long epistle someone typed. 

    Breakfast 

    “Heartbreak“ — Used when someone as hot as Stefflon Don breaks your heart. Please, do not confuse this with real breakfast like yam and egg, or moi-moi and pap. 

    Scrimm

    Used when you’re screaming on the inside but maintaining a straight face on the outside. 

    GOAT 

    “Greatest of All Time“ — Used when someone has achieved a major feat or is the best at what they do. Not to be confused with the source of asun. 

    YKB/YDKB 

    “You Know Ball“/“You Don’t Know Ball“ — This is YKTV but for people who watch football. 

    JSYK 

    “Just So You Know“ — Used when you expect someone to know something, but you’ve decided to share it with them because they’re not up to date.

    Bet 

    “I get you” or “I got you” — Used when you understand what someone is saying, and you know the next course of action. Example: Chiby asked if I’d be interested in working on a physical 30BG hangout for Davido’s Timeless, and I was like, “Alright, bet,” 

    Aza

    “Account” — Used when you want to either send money to someone or beg someone to send to you. 

    That’s a choice or Choices

    Used when someone has made a bad choice, and it’s obvious to everyone else but them. Example: So this is the outfit you decided to wear to your first premiere? Hmmm. Choices.

    LFG 

    “Let’s Fucking Go“ — Used when you’re excited about something, and you’re trying to get everyone around you on the same level of excitement. 

    ISWIS

    Sis, there’s a whole podcast that uses this slang. How can you not know what it means? 

    Anyways, it’s “I Said What I Said“ — Used when you mean what you say with your full chest. 

    ALSO READ: Zikoko’s 7 Rules For Engaging With Your Twitter Crush

  • Don’t do it

    The risks are just too many. They might shade you, air you or even post your DMs for a few likes and retweets. Just save yourself the stress and focus on real life. But if you must do it by-fire-by-force, continue reading.

    Do your research

    Do your research so you know what you’re getting into. Don’t just slide into their DMs or make a confession based on how you feel? It’s the fastest way to shed hot tears. Are they loud on the internet? Do they have a circle? Do they get dragged every Thursday? Do they normally move mad? These are the important questions.

    Check their “media” section

    This one has to be separate so you get the point. Check their media to know if they’re boo’ed up or not. You don’t want to be confessing your feelings to somebody’s partner. Unless you’re sure you can trigger their release clause sha, then carry on.

    Don’t be a creep

    This one should be pretty self-explanatory, but if they don’t like you or want to talk to you, move on. You won’t die, I promise.

    Do it from a burner account

    So that when your shot shooting starts to look embarrassing, you can always disappear into thin air. It would look like you never existed.

    If it goes well, come back and tell us

    You can’t bag your Twitter crush and not come back a year later to do, “How it started vs How it’s going”. There are rules to these things.

    Pray to God

    Whether or not you follow all these rules, there’s a chance your shots will fail dramatically. As they say on the streets, “Ticket wey go cut, go cut”. Just pray the universe aligns with the shots you’re shooting, or else, you’ll see shege.


    QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You How to Get Your Twitter Crush’s Attention


  • From the people with valid points to the ones who are angry for no reason, here are the different types you’ll see in a Twitter conversation. Know the ones you’re dealing with so you can avoid trouble.

    The instigators

    The ones who tweet clearly stupid or controversial things just for engagement. They always disappear when the chaos starts, so beware of their trap.

    The fire stokers

    The devil has many advocates and most are on Twitter. The best place to find them is in the comment section of the instigators.

    The market sellers

    These ones don’t care about anything. They just want to use all the trending topics to sell their market. So if you see a tweet that ends with words that make no sense together — “Buhari, Oshodi, BBNaija” — just know they’re trying to sell something.

    The attention-seeking contrarians

    If everyone is arguing about whether or not two plus two is equal to four, you can be sure to find someone who’ll mention how numbers are a capitalist invention. They’re the ITKs of Twitter.

    The commentators

    These ones actually want to have a conversation. They’ll lay down points that’ll make you feel sorry for them for talking sense in a wild place like Nigerian Twitter.

    The jokers

    It’s never that deep with these people. They’ll come at any hot take with a slam dunk that makes everybody forget why they were angry in the first place.

    The angry ones

    For these ones, every conversation is a threat of violence. They just want to insult anybody with a different opinion. No matter how calm you feel, once you engage them, heat will start catching you. They might even curse your father for no reason at all.


    NEXT READ: The Zikoko Guide To Being A Nigerian Twitter Influencer


  • Since debuting on the scene as the fresh yet familiar voice that carried hooks for MI and Ice Prince, Brymo has charted a unique path for himself as an artist. His music has successfully straddled the lines between catchy Afropop on his debut album, The Son of a Kapenta, and alternative-leaning sounds on his later projects. 

    But being a musical fave doesn’t excuse reckless behaviour. And reckless doesn’t even begin to cover Brymo’s antics since we stepped into 2023. 

    For those unaware of Brymo’s recent misadventures, here’s a quick recap: He started off the year with a tweet on January 4th that described an Igbo presidency as a “pipe dream” because of ongoing talks about Biafra. For context, Brymo had, in May of 2022, announced his support for the All Progressives Congress (APC) candidate, Bola Ahmed Tinubu. So while his tweet was jarring, it tracked. Supporting a political candidate is a personal choice, but when it starts entering the territory of tribalism, there’s a problem. 

    While it’s easy to brush off Brymo’s tweet as political banter, ignoring the obvious bigotry attached will be doing a huge disservice to Nigerians, especially those affected by his statement. 

    There are obvious parallels between Brymo’s bigoted tweets and the recent shit show that was Kanye West’s anti-Semitic meltdown of 2022. After all, these two men have, at different points, described themselves as geniuses way ahead of their time, even when the receipts presented feel rooted in the past rather than future. 

    RECOMMENDED: The Story of Brymo And His Controversial Tweets

    The cascading effects of bigoted statements like Kanye’s were highlighted in a Financial Times report that showed direct connections between Kanye’s outburst and recent anti-Semitic attacks within Los Angeles. This included a group of white supremacists gathered at a busy interstate road with banners that read, “Kanye is right about the Jews.” 

    Although Brymo’s statements are yet to cause a ruckus of this nature outside of social media, it feeds directly into attacks on Igbos that dates back to even before the Biafran War that started in 1967. Igbo people, especially in the North and West are often treated as non-Nigerians, with statements like, “Go back to Biafra” thrown around casually. 

    Even online, the discourse often tows the same line when conversations get heated. If you have doubts, peep the outpour of support for Brymo’s statement on Twitter, as it more than rivals any backlash he’s faced so far. 

    While Brymo might not be the biggest star of the moment, he does have a reasonable amount of influence and reach with almost 500k followers on Twitter alone. That’s more than enough people actively consuming his unprovoked vitriol, which could easily transition from social media into real life. 

    Kanye has apologised several times, but as of the publishing date of this article, Brymo has done nothing but aggravate the situation further with more incendiary tweets of his own or retweets from people who share his views. In a spree of follow-up tweets, he’s doubled down on his stance.

    In response, Charles Ogundele started a petition to prevent the singer from winning the Songwriter of the Year award at the upcoming 2023 All Africa Music Award (AFRIMA). The petition, which Brymo has mockingly retweeted multiple times, currently has over 6k signatures. But even if it works, losing an AFRIMA award is not enough consequence for Brymo, at least, not in my book. 

    Outside of the ongoing petition and a few tweets scattered across social media, the response to Brymo’s bigotry has mostly been mid. Nigerians haven’t fully grasped the concept of accountability when it comes to celebrities. And the harsh truth is an alarmingly large group of people share Brymo’s beliefs, if not in public, then in their private WhatsApp groups. 

    The argument for lack of accountability for Nigerian celebrities is not new. Between 2020 and 2023, singer D’Banj was accused of sexual assault, Burna Boy was allegedly involved in a shooting and intimidation case and Kizz Daniel has been called out for problematic lyrics. While Burna hasn’t confirmed or denied his involvement in the shooting, he’s been quick to insult his fans who believed the reports at a concert where he had them standing for over 13 hours before his arrival. These events were quickly brushed aside even before the artist involved dropped another “banger”. 

    While cancel and woke culture have become little more than internet buzzwords over the years, creating a culture of accountability is still necessary. Following his anti-Semitic statements, Kanye West was dropped by Adidas, Balenciaga, GAP and his former in-laws, the Kardashians. And that’s what I call facing the consequences of your actions. 

    Because Brymo has no endorsement to his name, I doubt we can follow the same route. But you know what we can do? Not attend shows and stop streaming his music. It might not count for a lot now, but down the line, it’ll hit right where it’s supposed to — his bag. 

    Over the years, tribalism and bigotry towards the Igbo community have been persistent, and you don’t have to be Igbo to notice. If we sit back and fail to identify, stop, correct and expose Brymo’s statement for what they are — bigoted, as opposed to political — we’ll be continuing a long line of passes that’ve enabled bad behaviour in exchange for good music and vibes. 

    ALSO READ: Who is Burna Boy? Party Starter, Freedom Fighter Or “African Giant”?

  • Now that Elon Musk has taken over Twitter and fired almost everyone (and their mums) who works there, people suspect the app itself will soon pack up and bounce. Just in case that happens, we’re proposing a few alternatives so we all can stay in touch. 

    Town hall meetings 

    Since sharing our thoughts is what Twitter is about, let’s do it the traditional way. Every local government should have regular town hall meetings. This way, if there’s a fight, it can come the fuck on in real time. None of that subbing rubbish. 

    Witch coven 

    Witches are way ahead of their time. If you and your followers all join the same witch coven, you could talk to each other telepathically and gain access to things like teleportation. Join a coven today! 

    Dreams 

    It’s 2022, and as such, the perfect time for interconnected dreaming. Someone would have to invent a way for us to move in and out of each other’s dreams. That way, we can have a version of Twitter that’ll  be unlocked once you dream.

    LinkedIn

    People have already started bringing foolish questions to LinkedIin, so let’s just go all in. 

    Town crier 

    If it worked for our ancestors, it sure as hell would work for us. Plus, young people can put “town crier” down as a career they’ll like to have. Whenever you want to “tweet”, you get a town crier to broadcast it for you for a small fee. 

    Pigeon 

    Twitter is a bird; pigeon is also a bird. Someone should start a service to provide every subscriber with their own pigeon. Whenever you want to broadcast your thoughts to your “followers”, you send your pigeon to their houses. Nobody would say they didn’t see it on their TL. 

    Talk to your friends 

    This is the last resort for if Twitter goes down. We’d actually have to keep quiet and only reveal our thoughts to people we trust and care about. This promotes shame, and honestly, after all we’ve seen on that app, we might need to bring a little shame back. 

    RELATED: Interview With Twitter Bird: ”I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”