• So a few months after my 18th birthday I decided that I was now a big babe with mind.

    I’m grown now and nobody can tell me what to do!

    And so I made plans with my friends to go for a late night party.

    No dulling!

    I knew my parents would not allow me to go.

    “Go to where? It’s like you are not okay.”

    So I made plans with my best friends to sneak out of the house.

    As per Jamesina Bond!

    And be back in before 5:30 when my parents wake up.

    No one would ever know!

    The great day (abi night) came.

    I dressed up in my “baddest babe in Nigeria” outfit.

    Yasss!!

    Made sure my make up was on fleek.

    Very subtle look.

    That’s how I got downstairs to the sitting room and saw my mother.

    EWO!

    But wait, there’s more oh!

    Ahn ahn!

    Her whole women’s fellowship was there, doing prayer meeting!

    I am in big trouble!

    I was there in my bad gang clothes and make up.

    Which kind of explanation can I even try and explain?

    Stammering and sweating…

    “G-g-good afternoon I m-mean g-good evening ma!”

    That was how I joined our church’s women’s group that very night.

    Yes oh!

    And ended up doing prayer meeting while my friends grooved the night away.

    “Somebody say Amen!”

    I also had to apologise to my mother almost everyday for six months!

    “Plis ma it was devil oh!”

    Any small thing “is that not how you wanted to do night waka waka?”

    Ahn ahn!

    “Children of these days have spoiled!”

    Okay oh!

    I wish I could say I learned my lesson…

    For where?

    I just learned to be more careful!

    “I ain’t sorry!”
  • My parents are quite strict, so when I got to University I decided to really enjoy myself!

    Time to let loose!

    Going out late.

    Fun times.

    Eating what I liked when I liked.

    Sweet food!

    One day, one fine 300 level guy I had become friendly with asked me out.

    Fine boy!

    Me, on the outside:

    Cool. Calm. Collected.

    Me, on the inside:

    OMG! OMG! OMG!

    The day of the date I was so excited.

    So excited!

    I wore my favourite dress, highest shoes and looked like a bad ass.

    Really feeling myself!

    Everything was going great; the conversation, the ambience.

    This is excellent!

    After a while the waiter started walking towards us with our food.

    Finally!

    Out of nowhere, this man tripped!

    HAYYYY!!

    And I was covered in a shower of rice and stew, plantain and chapman.

    I was wearing what I was supposed to eat.

    My date had a blank stare on his face for about 3 seconds.

    “What just happened?”

    Then he started laughing!

    Oh my God!

    I was so embarrassed! And I think 2 grains of rice were stuck in my false eyelashes

    Let the floor swallow me please. Its better!

    I almost started crying but I had to hold it all in.

    As per form big girl.

    I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye from my date!

    So I will stain his outfit with stew abi? No way oh!

    Me whenever my friends suggest we go back to that restaurant:

    So my shame can be complete abi? Useless people