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  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this Love Life Elizabeth* (20) and Oyin* (20) walk us through a relationship that almost didn’t happen, discovering their chemistry during a chemistry practical and finding a way to keep their two-year relationship alive in medical school.  

    Tell me how you met 

    Elizabeth: We met in 2019 in our first year, during a chemistry practical in the laboratory.

    Oyin: We were put in the same group. I had to take notes from the experiments we carried out, and she made fun of my handwriting. Then we started talking. 

    Elizabeth: I actually wanted to talk to him because he’s pretty smart, and I needed some help with schoolwork. Making fun of his handwriting was me shooting my academic shot. 

    LMAO. How did that work out? 

    Elizabeth: We exchanged numbers and kept in touch.

    Oyin: Only for the first week. After that, we didn’t speak again. She had a boyfriend, and I didn’t want to push for anything. Ever since that conversation we had at the lab, I knew I was into her, but with the boyfriend involved, I was respecting boundaries. Whenever we saw each other in school, we’d have a friendly conversation but nothing more than that. It was never awkward or anything. 

    When did you start talking again?

    Oyin: It was in 2020. I had come late to a class and the only empty seat was beside her.

    Elizabeth: We talked to each other all through the class.

    Is this what our future doctors are doing? 

    Oyin: LMAO. It happens sometimes. She spoke about how she always came to class early. But me? I was a serial latecomer. 

    Elizabeth: That’s why after the class, I texted and offered to keep a seat for him in every class we attended. I offered, not just because I was being nice, but because I’m attracted to him. 

    What about your boyfriend? 

    Elizabeth: Boyfriend was still in the picture, but we faced issues. He’d cheated and the relationship was hanging by a thread. I knew it was going to end, so I didn’t see anything wrong with at least talking to Oyin. 

    Oyin: We talked in every class and even after.

    Were you people even learning anything? Plus, what were you even talking about?

    Oyin: I want to believe we were learning, and we talked about anything. One conversation led to another that led to another. Whatever we didn’t finish saying in class, we’d continue over text. 

    Elizabeth: We could have the fluffiest conversation and immediately transition into traumatic moments that altered our lives. It was nice to have someone you could just talk to. That’s why in May 2020, three months after we started talking again, I told him I liked him. At this point, I’d broken up with my boyfriend and wanted to see if Oyin and I could develop anything more than a friendship. Unfortunately, he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. 

    Oyin: I didn’t want to lead her on when I didn’t feel it as intensely as she did. I told her I only liked her as a friend and wanted to remain friends. 

    Elizabeth: And it’s partly because there was another girl he liked.

    Oh? Tell us about this girl 

    Oyin: She’s also a medical student. I started talking to her towards the end of 2019, but our conversations mainly happened when we were both in school. 

    Elizabeth: Before I met Oyin, the babe and I were friends, but after a falling out, we stopped speaking to each other. Seeing her be all besties with him annoyed me, but I didn’t say anything about it. 

    Oyin: It’s funny because the thing I had with this other babe was undefined. It’s not like we’d spoken about having feelings or anything. We were just going with the flow but we’d end every conversation with “I love you”. 

    However, I got to find out that all the I love you’s she told me were friendly, and she actually had a boyfriend. It was a very serious reality check. 

    Elizabeth: LMAO. Toh. I thought they were an item, but maybe not with labels.

    Oyin: Not at all o. We were just talking one day in April 2020, and she mentioned her boyfriend. I was like, “Ah. From where?” I sha got the memo and knew my place in her life. 

    So what happened to you and Elizabeth in the midst of all this? 

    Oyin: We still spoke. She was still my friend. 

    Elizabeth: He paid her more attention than me so I moved aside for a minute. I was trying my best to play it cool, but then, something happened. 

    I had a small house party on my birthday in July. I’d invited him because he’s my friend, but he said he doesn’t go to people’s houses. No wahala o. Fast forward to August and I see a video of him in his friend’s house, celebrating her birthday. He was even singing. I was livid. I couldn’t speak to him for a couple of days.

    Wait. Was the friend that babe?

    Elizabeth: Gbam! I was so pissed. 

    Oyin: To be fair, the babe posted the video she saw. 

    Why was she even with your phone? You’re not helping yourself at all 

    Oyin: Everything happened in a blur. I opened social media and saw her subbing me all over her timeline. I deleted the video and tried to explain what happened, but she didn’t answer. 

    Why did you go to this babe’s house but not Elizabeth’s? 

    Oyin: I was just nervous because I knew Elizabeth’s parents would be there, and I didn’t want to meet them. This other babe lived alone so there was no such pressure. 

    Elizabeth: That’s what he told me o, but I wasn’t buying what he was selling at the time.

    Oyin: I waited a couple of days for her head to cool down before I texted her again.

    Elizabeth: I was supposed to be angry at him, but I really liked him and not talking to him made me sad.

    Oyin: After the apology, we started talking a lot more, and I liked her a lot more than I did initially. I started planning to ask her out, but I didn’t want to do it over the phone. 

    Elizabeth: We were trying to planning for his birthday in September. That’s how one day, I mentioned I wanted to give the birthday boy a kiss on his birthday. He agreed. I don’t even know why I offered. I was feeling adventurous maybe, but I’m glad I did. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Telling Our Parents Made Our Relationship Easy

    How did the kiss happen?

    Elizabeth: So we were arguing because I’d given another boy a lap dance, and for some reason, he was pissed. 

    Oyin: In my head, I was planning to ask her out, and she had said she wanted to give me a kiss, but here she was, giving someone else a lap dance. Plus, she knew I already had feelings for her. Why’d she do that? 

    The same way you knew she had feelings for you and didn’t attend her birthday but attended that babe’s? 

    Elizabeth: Gbam! 

    Oyin: Fair point. 

    Elizabeth: Anyways, he called me into a room, and as we were arguing, I asked if I could give him the kiss then. As a gone guy, he agreed. 

    Oyin: Then we had a conversation, and I asked her to be my girlfriend. 

    Elizabeth: I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him, so I agreed. 

    Cute. What was it like moving from friends to partner?

    Elizabeth: Hmm.

    Oyin: It had its good moments, but it wasn’t so smooth in the beginning. There were unresolved issues that got dragged into the relationship.

    Elizabeth: By unresolved issues, he means that babe he liked. They were still friends, and it made me feel a kind of way.

    Oyin: Okay, that’s more specific. The babe and I were still friends for the first three months of Elizabeth and I’s relationship. 

    Elizabeth: It was weird how big of a place she had in our relationship. It was extra weird because she had her own relationship to worry about. Apparently, she was his “best friend” and would always give him weird opinions about me based on the falling out we had a year or two before Oyin and I even met. 

    Oyin: I tried to keep my distance from her for a bit. Then she confronted me about it and called me a horrible friend that didn’t care about her. I didn’t reach out to her to even try to fix things, so that’s how the relationship ended. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    After cutting her off, what did the relationship look like? 

    Elizabeth: It was much easier. We were actually able to grow as a couple. 

    Oyin: Yeah, it was so much better. Less arguing and external forces. 

    But navigating all this while studying medicine? 

    Elizabeth: Yeah, it was hard. It’s a difficult course to study. You barely have time for yourself, but we try to keep it going. 

    Oyin: We’re both there so we understand how the schedules are. We attend classes together, do homework and even study together. It’s our way of ensuring we spend time in each other’s presence. 

    Elizabeth: It’ll definitely be a lot harder if only one of us is studying medicine, but I guess that’s where we’re lucky.

    Oyin: We always find a way. 

    Lord, our future doctors are using lab to do love. Anyways, on a scale of 1-10, rate your love life

    Elizabeth: I feel like nobody in life will ever understand me the way Oyin does. I don’t know how to put my emotions into words, LMAO, but I know I want to do forever with him. I’d have given it a 10, but nothing is perfect, and 9 is the closest we can get to perfection. 

    Oyin: Me, I’ll rate it a 10. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and hopefully have a family someday. It feels right. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love for Music

  • The exes in question don’t include the emotionally and physically abusive, toxic ones or those who don’t have anything to offer anyone in their life. We’re talking about the one you lost because of distance, lack of communication, falling out of love and other fixable stories. 

    So with these seven points of ours, we want to convince you and not confuse you to give your ex a chance. 

    Your parents are tired of hearing new names every week

    First it was Ade, then Tolu, Tobi, Chisom, Alex, Eno and many others. Your parents are old. How do you expect them to erase names from their memory every couple of weeks? Let them use their brain power for other things. 

    There’s nothing outside 

    Everyone on the streets is problematic. If they’re not talking about stupid things like body count, it’s how you shouldn’t expect basic human kindness from the person you’re sleeping with. Do you really want to participate in such razz activities? Outside is cold; your ex is warm. Think about it. 

    RELATED: The Streets Is a Terrible Place — and It’s Partly Your Fault

    Pity your friends

    The group chat has created a spreadsheet to keep track of all the people you’re talking to. Spare them. How many people can they block or dodge in public? They can’t even attend certain events because one of your former people might be there. Plus, the more people you date, the less they can date. Please, pity your friends. 

    You know them

    With your favourite ex, you know how they like to be comforted when they’re sad, the foods they like to eat and things that make them happy. These things are ingrained in your brain, so you don’t have to do trial and error. Go back to where navigating a relationship doesn’t feel like a minefield.

    RELATED: QUIZ: Tell Us a Little About Yourself and We’ll Guess Your Favourite Ex 

    Do you really want to start finding out another person’s favourite colour? 

    This year that you’ve chosen to get your money up, you want to still take time out to learn someone’s favourite colour? Are you not tired of all the small talk? With your ex, you already know all the basics. You’ve gotten to a point where you might commit crimes if someone new asks you what you like to do for fun. Kirikiri blue won’t fit you, but do you know what will? Your favourite ex. 

    Are you not tired of the playlists?

    How many people have made you playlists this month? Are you trying to have so many playlists that Spotify or Apple Music will carry gbese? 

    You don’t have to talk too much 

    Your favourite ex understands why you hate certain family members, why you’re banned from certain restaurants, or why you passport was seized. They know how to plan things that won’t require you to start explaining too much. However, whoever you start talking to will need explanation upon explanation. That’s tiring. Your ex isn’t tiring. 

    They’re your favourite ex, so they must have done some things right 

    The fact that this person is considered your favourite ex means they must have done a lot of things right. So ask yourself why you let it all end? Distance? Communication? Lack of love? Any of these three things can be handled with a long phone call and plenty tears. 

    At the end of the day, if whatever made you and your favourite ex break up is something fixable, fix it. There are many unfortunate people in the world, but the foolish person you know is better than the foolish person you don’t know. 

    RELATED: So You Want to Be Friends With Your Ex?

  • Sometimes, cheating partners get sloppy. An unlocked phone here, a wrong text there, and your position as their side chick gets exposed. As a side chick, you have to always stay ready, because it can happen at any time.

    From information shared with us from side chicks, here’s the line of action to take once your position as a side chick has been compromised.

    If you’re in a relationship, make sure your partner is aware 

    They might be tempted to “expose” you to your own partner. Beat them to it. That way, there’ll be no news to break, and they can’t “ruin” your own life. 

    Assess your partner’s main partner and their friends

    Remember everything you’ve heard about their partner. That way, you can assess the kind of action they might take if they found out about you. If the person is known to be crazy, you might need to change states. Your due diligence should also include their friends. Once you’ve done that, you can carry out the next line of action. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Many Side Pieces Do You Have? 

    Don’t sub them on social media 

    Subbing the partner will only cause problems for you. Don’t post lyrics that relate even remotely to romance and love. Stick to Portable. 

    Don’t lock your social media accounts 

    Leave your account wide open. Locking it means you have something to hide. You don’t. They’ll go through your account to find hints that you were being used to cheat. Let them. It could be their own form of closure. Plus, they found out before you, so they’ve already created a locked burner account to follow you. 

    RELATED: 12 Nigerian Women Share Their Experience as Side Chicks

    Post your hottest picture 

    The main chick might be tempted to say things like, “Look at this ugly fool they cheated on me with”. You’re many things, but ugly isn’t one of them so post and shut that part down. This is the only thing you should do that’s remotely related to a statement on the matter and make sure you don’t use a shady caption. 

    Don’t post your location 

    People can be tempted to move like evil spirits, and you don’t want your white to be stained in public. If you’re at an event, make sure you’re with people who won’t let some random fight you outside, just in case. 

    Travel 

    On second thought, once the news breaks out, go on leave and travel to a new location for at least two days. Your enemies might try, but don’t allow them to use their own to spoil yours. 

    RELATED: Be a Side Chick With a Difference by Following These 8 Rules

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Before we go into 2023, here are some love life stories you should read. If you’ve read them before, read them again.

    1) Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love

    A lot of things have become easier with technology. Now, with phones, dating apps and social media platforms you can meet and pursue relationships with people continents away. However, what was dating like before that happened? When all people had were letters and the love in their hearts? This couple gives us an insight into what that relationship was like and how it is now. 

    2) Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love for Music 

    What happens when a musician and a music writer find each other? In this case, it’s love, a mutual bond and understanding of music and a lot of “X doesn’t have the musical range that Y has.” It’s the stuff of movies and also the story of this couple. 

    3) Love Life: We Finally Met Up Because of Christmas Chicken 

    Two things you learn from this love life; the first is that the love of your life might be in a relationship with someone that isn’t you. The second is that Christmas chicken might be the reason you find love.

    4) Love Life: We’re Roommates Who Fell in Love

    Some people go to school and get roommates they hate, others get roommates they like, but these two? They fall in love. I think they’re the only people doing this roommate thing correctly.

    5) Love Life: I Went to Her House Every Day for a Whole Year

    I’ve heard of dedication, but nothing like this. I wonder if it would have been easier with mobile phones, because I can’t imagine having to go all the way to someone’s house just because I wanted to see them. Then doing it every single day for a whole year? Love is a strong thing. 

    6) Love Life: It Took Us 7 Years to Have Our First Child

    Marriage is hard enough as it is. Input financial difficulties and the lack of children, it becomes a lot worse. This is how this couple even in their old age, managed to keep the love alive.

    7) Love Life: Telling Our Parents Made Our Relationship Easy

    When teenagers and young adults don’t have to sneak around to see the people they’re dating, it makes the relationship a million times easier. At least, that’s what this couple told us.

    8) Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

    If “If it’s meant to be it’ll be” was a love life, it’ll be this one. Thirty five years after their last encounter, Geraldine* and Felix* found their way back into each other’s lives.

    9) Love Life: I’m Scared to Tell My Parents About Him

    Growing up with strict parents is hard, but having strict parents and hiding a relationship you know they won’t approve of is even harder. The other option will be to just tell them about the relationship, but that’s where fear comes in.

    10) Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    There are a lot of popular misconceptions about polyamory, one of which being that they don’t get jealous. However, according to this couple, polyamory isn’t some blocker for jealousy. We learn somet

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    I started writing Love Life in August of this year and I’ve suffered a lot of “God, when?”, “God, what?” and “God, how?” 

    Listening to people describe their romantic relationships has been fun and each story holds a special place in my heart, but out of the hundreds, here are the top 10 most-read stories of this year. 

    1) Love Life: She Used Food and Netflix to Get Into My Heart 

    “Cynthia*, 30, and Ezinne*, 29, have been dating for six months. On Love Life, they talk about getting in touch after reading each other’s stories on Zikoko and falling for each other despite being married.”

    This is one of those love stories you read and a part of you goes “hmm”. On one hand you’re happy for the love and the other, you just keep thinking about the people getting hurt along the way. 

    2) Love Life: Therapy Helped Us Be Better For Each Other 

    “Salem, 26, and Precious, 26, have been dating for three years. For Love Life, they talk about meeting on Instagram, starting a long distance relationship and couple’s therapy.”

    Most times when you hear about couple’s therapy, it’s from the pov of a married couple. It’s interesting to see there are people who aren’t married but are willing to try couple’s therapy just so they can work out. 

    3) Love Life: We Don’t Have to Fight to Understand Each Other 

    Uju, 45, and Sirry, 40, have been dating for five months. On Love Life, they talk about meeting on Twitter, navigating dating as older women with kids and being in an intercultural relationship.

    Dating is hard enough, but dating with children? I can’t even begin to imagine. However, that’s Uju and Sirry’s reality. It’s interesting to see just how much the dynamics of dating changes with age and children in the mix. 

    4) Love Life: We’d Been Committed to Each Other Long Before We Started Dating

    “Uyai, 33, and Ayo, 28, have been dating for a year. On Love Life, they talk about meeting on Instagram, dating each other while they were in primary relationships, and eventually, breaking up with those partners to be together.”

    Have you ever met someone and just known they were the one? If you have, you’d probably understand exactly how Uyai and Ayo felt. If you haven’t, well you should read so you’ll know what it’s like. 

    5) Love Life: The Day We Started Dating Is the Day I Stopped Smoking

    “Naomi, 27, and Chiby, 28, have been dating for two years. On Love Life, they talk about meeting in secondary school, remaining friends and finding love in each other at South.”

    It’s interesting to see the lengths people will go for love. I wonder if there’s anything I’ll be able to give up because I fell in love with someone. 

    6) Love Life: We’re Deliberate About Our Faith

    “Seun, 23, and Àdìó, 26, have been dating for four months. On Love Life, they talk about meeting at Salt and Light Christian camp, how they flirted their way into a relationship after a seven-year old friendship and reuniting physically on Valentine’s day this year.”

    7) Love Life: I Didn’t Want to Date Him Because I Didn’t Want to Bleed on Him

    “Olanrewaju*, 27, and Temi*, 27, have been dating for a year. On Love Life, they talk about meeting on Twitter, starting a relationship after reading a Zikoko article and  their plans for the future.”

    Note: Second couple on this list to find love through a Zikoko article. We’re not saying there’s a pattern, but…

    8) Love Life: She Played Ludo With My Heart for One Month

    “Opeyemi, 30, and Sandra, 27, dated for a year and seven months before getting married. On Love Life, they talk about starting a relationship in the DMs, a horrible first date at Opeyemi’s house and why their families and close friends found out they were getting married on Twitter.”

    I think this is one of the most turbulent relationships we’ve had the pleasure to publish. 

    9) Love Life: She Fits Me Like a Glove

    “Jola, 25, and Oyin, 26, have been dating for a year. On Love Life, they talk about meeting on Twitter, becoming friends and talking for nine months before starting a relationship where they still haven’t had a fight.”

    10) Love Life: We Became Lovers by Accident

    “Murphy, 25 and Susan, 22 have been together for almost five years. This week on Zikoko’s Love Life, they talk about dating by accident, breaking up at least three times, and getting engaged.”

    How many breakups is too many breakups? According to this couple, three breakups is definitely not too much. 

    Find all the past Love Life stories here.

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Peter (54) and Joy (47) have been married for 22 years. In this episode of Zikoko’s Love Life, they tell us what it’s like to fall in love at second sight, court a woman with a strict dad,  and how they dealt with their tribalistic fathers through prayer before getting married.

    Tell me about the first time you met

    Peter: In 1994, when sinking boreholes was not a popular thing back in Port Harcourt, I lived in a house where the tap always rushed. So I got an influx of people searching for water for their homes. 

    Joy: My sister and I, in our search for water, landed in his house. When we got in, we heard their dogs and ran out. He heard our shouting and came outside, so I asked him to please do something about the dogs. He did and I was able to fetch water. 

    Peter: After they finished fetching water, I allowed myself to look at them and when I laid my eyes on her, I was like, wow, this is a really beautiful woman. I asked her for her name and she told me her name was “Gold”. I later found out that wasn’t her real name. 

    Joy: I gave him a fake name because I had a very strict father who didn’t allow my sisters and me to talk to men like that. 

    How did you find out the name was fake? 

    Peter: I was determined to see her again. The following Sunday, I dressed and went to different streets looking for her. The people I asked on the way told me nobody called Gold lived close by, but based on my description, they thought I was referring to Joy and pointed me in the direction of her house. 

    She wasn’t around, but I knew I needed to see her, so I went to her house every day hoping I’d get a chance to. 

    Did you? 

    Peter: Yes. month after. It wasn’t easy and it took the help of her sisters, but I saw her. 

    What do you mean by the help of her sisters? 

    Peter: For the month I came to her house, she kept hiding from me. She’d send her sisters to tell me she wasn’t around. So, I got a chance to talk to her sisters. They thought I was funny and decided to help plan an avenue for us to meet. 

    The next time I came to her house, she was there. In fact, now that you’ve asked me about this, I feel like a young man again. Seeing her was so precious to me. We talked a lot about religion, life, and dreams. That’s how I ended up visiting her house every single day for a year. 

    How did you manage that? 

    Peter: Her house was about three streets away from mine, so I’d pass that route to work. On my way back from work, I’d go to her house before I went to mine. Seeing her became the highlight of my day. I was in love. 

    Joy: I knew I liked him, but whenever I wanted to engage in anything, I always asked God to direct me. He asked me out whenever he had the chance, but I knew I wouldn’t go out with him until I got confirmation from God. Unluckily for him, I didn’t get that answer from God until a year later. 

    Peter: I knew I would marry her from the time I spent with her because something drew me to her, but I decided I’d wait for whatever confirmation she needed. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

    What was dating like? 

    Peter: Amazing. There were no mobile phones so the only time we saw each other was when I visited her. She never came to mine because I was always at work. 

    Whenever she did choose to come and see me, we’d talk and talk for hours. We discussed our future, our lives, our plans, everything. When it was time for her to go home, I’d escort her to her house, and when we got to her house, she’d escort me to mine. After escorting like three times and it starts getting dark, we give up. At a point, the whole community knew us. 

    Peter: This was how it was for us throughout the six years of our relationship.

    Six years? Why so long? 

    Peter: While we were dating, I already knew I was going to marry her. . I remember randomly telling her “Girl, I’m going to marry you. Prepare.” I was serious about her.

    Joy: The main problem was our parents. My dad is not only strict, he was prejudiced against Delta or Benin men. He said they were fetish and didn’t want us to have anything to do with them. 

    Ah. How did that play out?? 

    Peter: In 2000, my elder brother got married. When I returned from the wedding, I told her that since my elder brother has gotten married, it was my turn next and she should talk to her dad.  

    Joy: I loved Peter, but I really didn’t know how I was going to approach my dad on the issue. 

    Peter: That’s when I told her to approach her stepmother first, so she’d help Joy talk to her dad. 

    Joy: I mentioned it to her, and she told me to pray, and she’d handle bringing it up with my father. 

    Two days after, she told me she had spoken to him, but he wasn’t sounding very convinced. I should keep praying. 

    One Wednesday evening during church service, while I was praying, a man walked up to me and told me there was something about my relationship that was bothering me. He said the man I was praying to God about was my husband, and if I didn’t marry him, I’ll look for a husband and have issues. 

    I went back to my stepmother to tell her of the revelation. Then I told my dad, and he gave his permission. 

    Peter: Unfortunately, we couldn’t still proceed with the marriage because my own parents had to agree as well. My father had warned all his children that he didn’t want to hear we were moving around with Igbo people. I knew it would be difficult to convince him. He even sent a word to me from the village in Delta state that he heard I was following a Port Harcourt girl around, and I should forget about it if I thought I would marry her. 

    My dad was a disciplinarian and nobody had ever dared to challenge him whenever he said something, but I knew I was going to marry her. I also knew it was not going to work out if God was not involved, so we fasted and prayed for this marriage to become a possibility. 

    When I finally convinced them, I told Joy about it and we got married. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones We Had Love

    Did you propose? 

    Peter: Well, if you mean did I do it the way the children do these days, where they go down on one knee and bring out a ring, I didn’t. I knew I wanted to marry her since the first month we started dating. We just needed to get past the fathers. When that was done, we got married in 2000. 

    I don’t think there was a need to propose because we’d had the conversations. We’d talked about the life we had and what we were going to live. It seemed unnecessary. 

    What’s being married like? 

    Peter: Amazing. Marriage has taught me about trust, love and forgiveness. I’ve been blessed with five beautiful children, and I love them very dearly. 

    Joy: Great. I think it’s so great because God is a very important factor in this marriage because we wouldn’t be here without him. 

    On a scale of 1-10, rate your love life 

    Peter: If I was to take a pencil and mark this assignment you’ve given to me, I’ll score myself a 9 and a half or even a full ten. It has been from Glory to Glory.


    Joy: I’ll start by saying I give God all the glory, honour and adoration to God. I’ll give it a 9 and a half over 10. This entire relationship has been by the wisdom, the mercy, the strength and the Grace of God. Right now, it’s awesome and I’m grateful to God for this.

    RELATED: Love Life: Our Future Is Uncertain

  • Ada (22) tells us about her relationship with her dad. She was a daddy’s girl growing up, but that relationship changed because her dad was more invested in his job than her. 

    So, your dad…

    Ada: When I was little, they told me I looked like my dad, that even though I was a girl, my dad loved me so much I took his face. 

    There’s nothing we didn’t do together. Whenever my mum shouted at me, I would report her to my dad, and he’d take me out for ice cream. My mum told me she’d given birth to my dad’s best friend. At a point, it felt like we were a family on our own, and my mum was the outsider. 

    How? 

    Ada: Every Sunday from the age of five till when I went to boarding school when I was ten, my dad and I spent Sundays together. 

    My mum would stay in church really late. My dad would buy me Super Yogo and sugar cane, and we’d walk back home together, leaving her. Then he’d dish food for us to eat together. When my mum comes back, my dad and I would go to the supermarket to buy groceries. He’d give me money to buy whatever it is I wanted, but he’d still buy me chocolates, ice cream and snacks. I’d end up saving the money because I wouldn’t need to spend it on anything. 

    You were a daddy’s girl 

    Ada: A big one. It was just me growing up, and my dad was very invested in taking care of me. My mum always complained that he was spoiling me, but my dad didn’t care. He’d cook for me and serve me my food, wash the socks I wore to school and carry me to my room whenever I fell asleep on the couch. 

    I don’t think I ever doubted that my dad loved me. He took care of me and encouraged me. He always expected great things from me and I was so happy whenever I hit and surpassed the goals he set for me academically. I told my dad everything and he was my best friend. We played board games together, washed the car together and watched the news together. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: There’s Not Much I Need My Father for Now

    What changed? 

    Ada: When I went to boarding school at the age of ten, I saw my dad less. He hardly came for my visiting days, open days or PTA meetings. My mum did all the running around for that. My dad was busy working. Whenever I came home for the holidays though, we spent time together but it wasn’t as frequent as it was when I was younger. In fact, the more time passed, the less I saw of him. My final year in secondary school, he came only once, the day of my graduation. 

    I think his job was the major cause of distance between us. He worked every day including Saturdays and so he spent his Sundays resting. We no longer did our Sunday routines and it hurt. 

    It was our chance to catch up and talk about our week. We’d fill each other in on the people annoying us in our lives and he always gave me advice on what to do and how to do it. Not being able to do that means there was a lot of me my dad no longer knew about. He didn’t know that my dreams had changed and my life was going in a different direction. 

    I’m sorry about that 

    Ada: I was losing my best friend and it felt like there was nothing I could do to get him back. The work he did made him angrier and we fought more. He was always angry. He’d come back home and just start picking on me. If I cooked, there was always something wrong with the food. 

    When I was 17, I remember when I was watching television with them in the house. It was a funny scene and I started to laugh, but then he said I was laughing too loud and should stop. The father I grew up with wouldn’t have done that to me. My mum said he had a stressful day at work and my laughter was disturbing him. 

    I stopped staying in the living room with them and kept to myself. Whenever I knew he was coming home, I’d find an excuse to not sleep in the house because I can’t be apologising for breathing. 

    What’s your relationship like now? 

    Ada: He’s about to retire and now he’s trying to build a relationship with me. He keeps giving me money and buying me expensive things but I don’t really care for it. 

    I don’t see him anymore because we don’t live in the same state. My mum keeps begging me to try to repair the relationship, but I’m tired. Why am I the one that has to do the work of repairing it? He recently apologised to me for hurting my feelings, but he still constantly tries to make me feel like it’s all in my head. It’s not. I’m self conscious about hanging around people because I grew up with a dad that started treating me like a disturbance. The money he’s made from the work won’t change that, and neither will his apologising. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: My Abortion Was an Eye-Opener

  • The streets have done nothing for you since you’ve been on it, so it might be time to embrace the life of a hopeless romantic so you can finally say that you’ve covered all the bases. Since it’s something you’re not used to, we’re here with a guide on just what you need to do to prepare for it.

    Keep your sense in a jar 

    To be a true hopeless romantic, you have to stop using your sense. Turn it into a money-making scheme and rent your sense out to people who need it. 

    Embrace delusion 

    Hopeless romantics don’t deal with reality. You need to romanticise every area of your life. The way you eat bread? Important in helping you find love. The brand of tea you drink? Might be what leads you to your soulmate. Reject reality, and embrace delusion. 

    RELATED: 6 Nigerian Women Share Their Most Romantic Experiences

    Consume romantic content 

    You need something to model your romantic self after. Receive inspiration from some of the OGs like Tony Umez or Emeka Ike or you can learn lessons from failed relationships. A great place to start is Zikoko’s Love Life, but you didn’t hear that from us. 

    Glasses to see shege 

    Being a hopeless romantic now that the streets are full of rubbish is hard. Your eyes will see proper shege, so better get glasses and clean them well. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Much of a Hopeless Romantic Are You

    A sleeve for your heart 

    You might have to take the whole wearing your heart on your sleeve thing literally. 

    Copy your favourite romantic comedy

    We’re not just asking you to learn from these fictional relationships, but to also pattern your entire life after them. Try getting a house in the middle of nowhere, so one day, someone’s car will spoil close to your house. You offer them a place to stay, and gbam! Marriage.

    Don’t do anything to actually pursue love 

    All the most successful hopeless romantics wait for love to find them. Don’t stress yourself with trying to look for it. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: If You’re Not a True Hopeless Romantic, Sit This One Out

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Bear* (25) and Nala* (27) tell us about how they started dating one week after their first date. They also talk about having to define the structure of their relationship, the different ways they practice polyamory and the uncertainty of their future. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How did you meet?

    Bear: We ran into each other at an event called Green Camp. It was the first time we met physically, and there was sexual tension but we didn’t act on anything until this year when I saw her again on a Friday at South, Lagos in March 2022. 

    Prior to that, we’ve been following each other since 2016. I’ll always text her in a bid to try starting a connection but she wasn’t giving me the proper energy. I kept trying to take it beyond the banter we were having on the timeline, but she kept killing whatever fire I tried to light. 

    Nala: To be honest, it’s not his fault. He is attractive and based on the conversations we had on the timeline, I could see our views aligned. 

    I’m just a shitty person when it comes to maintaining contact with people via text. I used to think I liked texting, but what I really liked was the ability to respond to texts at my own time. The best I could maintain with him were topical conversations that didn’t really go anywhere. The problem was just that I was busy with work. I apologised for it. 

    That’s a long time

    Nala: He wasn’t pursuing me for that long, but we knew of each other. 

    So, let’s talk about the meeting at South

    Nala: My motivation for going to South was because I was hoping to go and see him. 

    Bear: Ehn? See who? 

    Nala: Let me tell my story. 

    Bear: You did not come to see me. Let’s not rewrite history. She didn’t come to see me. What happened was that I came and then stole the show. 

    Nala: Anyways, I saw him and was distracted from the person I actually came to see. I think at that moment, I started to wonder why I was actually running away from him. 

    Bear: Let me tell you what really happened because to be fair, I think I’m better at detailing events and memories. 

    I was having one of those high confidence days. I looked good and felt it. While I was trying to get a drink, I turned and we saw each other — she was right beside me. And her look was different. It said, “It’s time, I’m ready for you.”

    However, she was with someone else, and I didn’t know what the relationship was. We interacted and made plans to actually hang out on the island on Sunday. 

    RELATED: Love Life: The Day We Started Dating Is the Day I Stopped Smoking

    How did the hangout go? 

    Bear: Sunday came and I didn’t hear from her untill 4 p.m. when I had already left the island. She felt bad about it and so we scheduled to meet during the week. She came to see me on Friday. 

    Nala: I’ll just like to add that I was working at the time. I had zero personal time and wasn’t as flexible as I wanted. I have time blindness and sometimes I get so wrapped up in one task, I forget the others I had set out to do. 

    Did you eventually have that rescheduled date?

    Nala: Yes, we did, and after it happened, I kept asking myself why it didn’t happen earlier. 

    Bear: I was very excited. I don’t know how, but everything just kind of aligned. Something that made me aware this was different was when we kissed. I think that’s how I describe our relationship till now. 

    The kiss was like a warm embrace. Like something I didn’t know I existed up until it happened. At that moment, I felt like I was walking through a desert and someone just pinned me down and force-fed me water. It was the best tasting water I’ve had in my life. I had never felt this way kissing someone before. It was a very emotionally charged and special day. As much as it was physical, there was a lot of emotional vulnerability that day.  

    After the date, her schedule suddenly blew wide open. She suddenly had my time. 

    Nala: You know why it blew open. I don’t know why you’re acting like this. 

    Bear: LMAO.

    Nala: My client actually left the country, and I had a lot of time on my hands. 

    Bear: Honestly, after that first date, everything just kind of aligned. We hung out every day for one week, and we were courageous enough to be emotionally vulnerable and talk about what we were feeling. 

    What kind of vulnerability and emotions are we talking about? 

    Bear: Around the time we started dating, my mum was having a medical emergency and it cost a lot of money so I was pretty low on funds. I started feeling ashamed about my general financial situation and I started to pull away. She called me out on it and then opened up a space where I could just talk about all the things I was feeling and going through. She helped me get to the root cause of my emotions and from there I was able to work towards getting better. 

    Nala: I had some insecurities about my body. Whenever I brought up how I felt, he was really patient and was able to empathise with what I was going through. 

    You started dating after one week. Why? 

    Nala:  I couldn’t get enough of his company, so we spent every moment together. 

    Bear: At some point, she mentioned in passing that if we were going to enter into a relationship, she needed me to ask her out. She may have mentioned it in passing, but I had it ingrained in my head. At that point, I had a different relationship structure I needed to find a way to dismantle before officially coming into a relationship with her. 

    While I was trying to do all of that, I decided to just go ahead and ask her out. I hadn’t felt that way about anyone before and I didn’t want to waste time. 

    I asked her out on a Saturday night in March, after we had finished having sex. After the very intense session, I kept looking at her and I could feel my chest flutter and tingle. So I went on a long talk that I don’t remember the details of, but I know ended with, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” She said yes.

    Nala: I’d spent a lot of time single and I used that time to reflect on what I didn’t want in a relationship. However, I didn’t know what exactly it was I wanted. He invoked a lot of strong feelings in me and I realised that’s something I wanted. A partner that made me happy and invoked strong feelings in me. I loved him. It was a no brainer I’d say yes. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I know I was in love with him. 

    One of the reasons I mentioned him asking me out is because we were already edging towards “falling” into a relationship. We did all the things couples did and were settling into a comfortable routine. I didn’t want to wake up one day and start having a “So what are we?” conversation. 

    Bear: All my years of pursuing older women finally paid off because I was able to bag this one. 

    Nala: It’s just a two-year difference. 

    What was dating like? 

    Bear: Well, for one, we had to define the dynamic of our relationship. I came into the relationship as a polyamorous person or how do they say it? 

    Nala: He likes women and women like him and everybody is on his tail. 

    Bear: Jesus. It’s everybody that likes you. Men, women, all of them. I knew I wasn’t monogamous, but I wasn’t sure what the details were. What I knew was that if I was going to figure out whatever this was with anybody, it was going to be her. 

    RELATED: Love Life: She’s Polyamorous But I’m Not

    I think you both described this thing differently. So let’s break it down

    Bear: So the other relationships I was involved in were the things I had to settle before I could be with her. I was coming off of what can maybe be described as a harem. 

    Nala: Ah ha! So was I wrong in my description of everyone being on your tail? 

    Bear: LMAO. When Nala and I eventually started dating, I told them there was someone I had to prioritise because she became my primary partner. 

    Before then, I had a system where I try to make sure my lovers are on the same level or that they feel like they have equal space in my heart, but they could tell there was something with Nala that was different. 

    When I broke the news to them, most survived but those that didn’t morphed into proper friendships. 

    Nala: I’m polyam as well, but for me, I handle my people with varying degrees of intimacy. I’m not as into people as he is. He’s more of a golden retriever type that’s friends with everyone. I am more detached. I don’t have that much mental energy. 

    Bear: So the way we practised was kind of different. 

    Nala: I knew what I had was working for me, and I liked it that way. When Bear and I started dating, I informed my other partners, but unlike his, mine was like bulk SMS. Just hey, I’ll see you around and also, I have someone now. 

    How then do you both navigate this structure you’ve created for yourselves? 

    Nala: I wanted to approach this relationship from a place of complete honesty with my feelings and emotions. I’ve tried traditional monogamy, and I’ve had some failings in it. 

    Knowing he was polyamorous as well was a step in the right direction. The conversation about wanting other people, even when you’re with someone you’re romantically invested in is always a tricky one to have, but I didn’t have to worry about that with him. 

    To an extent, there’s still a nagging feeling I have. Like does he like this person more than he likes me and stuff like that, but it’s usually just a casual thought. It’s hardly ever something I have strong evidence to back up. Plus, it helps that whenever I feel like this, I can just have a conversation with him. 

    Bear: For me, I think jealousy is something that can exist no matter the type of relationship. It could be a friendship, a business relationship or anything. Having a conversation and reassurance really helps.

    We have just one rule in place, and it’s that she’s my primary partner and I’m hers, and the only thing that can be considered cheating is when we put other people before each other. 

    Nala: We don’t really have firm rules. It’s just that we need to make sure our interests are protected before anything else. 

    Do you see yourself getting other primary partners or dating one person as a couple? 

    Bear: I know my partner, and I don’t think she has the emotional capacity or range to include another person into this relationship. The third person will suffer because they’d have to rely on only me for all their emotional needs. 

    Nala: LMAO. We’ve gotten offers from people wanting to come in.

    Bear: But they should just enjoy what they have now because inside? You’ll be starved. As for getting another girlfriend, I don’t think I want one, at least not now. I haven’t met anyone I like enough to want that from. 

    Nala: I don’t think I have someone on my radar that triggers as much emotion as Bear does. I won’t say I love anyone to the level that I love him and I consider that a requirement for getting into a relationship with someone. I have other relationships beyond this, but none of them just have the same level of intimacy. 

    On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your love life? 

    Nala: I’ll give it an 8 because of some of the uncertainties that come with our future and because there’s always need for improvement. We don’t know what next year holds for either of us in terms of if we’re even still going to be in the country. Let’s survive Nigeria first. It’s almost painful to think about so we haven’t had a final discussion on what our future looks like.

    I’m so happy in the relationship and I wouldn’t trade this for anything else. I enjoy the fact that he’s a really calming influence. He also doesn’t mind going under the sun to do things for me. I sweat easily and the sun makes me uncomfortable so he sometimes runs errands for me. It just works for me. 

    Bear: 9 for me. Nala is more raging fire and I’m more chill and calm. There are days you can see the fire raging, and she’s burning up everything in her path, but when she gets to me, she becomes a calm little blue flame. I admire the fact that she usually softens up when she meets me. I’m baby, and I don’t like stress. 

    I love how we can banter over anything and can discuss a wide range of topics because of how much our politics align. I love her simply because she exists. The only reason I’m not giving it a 10 is because of the uncertainties surrounding our future

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

  • We know all those failed talking stages pained you, but it’s time to laugh about it. We rise by forgetting about people, or how does that quote go? 

    The “smile through the pain” meme 

    For every time your friends told you about their love life and had the audacity to ask about yours when they knew it didn’t exist. 

    The “it’s giving delusional” meme

    Nobody is saying you’re not sweet looking oh, but is it sweetness that’ll hold you at night? Anything to make you feel better after 100 failed talking stages, I guess. 

    The “I love myself” meme

    You know what? I get it. I, too, would become the love of my life if everyone else refused to love me. Choose you. We dey your back. 

    The “settling for less” meme

    The problem is you think you’re the “more” men deserve, and that’s why all your talking stages fail. Try wickedness and see what changes. 

    The “you have mind oh” meme

    This meme is for when the person you were in a talking stage with woke up one morning to text, “I don’t think this is working”. The nerve, the audacity, the mind. 

    The “I give up” meme

    This is when your friends pitied you and tried to hook you up with someone they knew. But you’re the one they bring all their relationship issues to, so you don’t think they have good taste. 

    The “it’s brutal out here” meme

    You actually thought the talking stage was going well and started considering asking them out, only for them to post, “Happy one month, baby”. But that’s not your picture or name, and you’ve only known them for two weeks. 

    The “please, leave me alone” meme

    When the one you ended up becoming good friends with comes weekly to be like, “Wow! We almost ended you together”, you choke back tears and fake laugh. 

    The “at least, I wasn’t cheated on” meme

    When you and all your other single friends sat together in perpetual sadness to say shit like, “At least, no one cheated on me”, but in reality, you wished you loved someone enough for it to hurt you if they cheated. 

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

    The “how many more ghostings can I take?” meme

    When you opened your message app for the tenth time that day, and your love interest still hadn’t texted back in a week. 

    The “don’t test me” meme

    At a point in the year, one talking stage seemed to be going somewhere. You even considered buying a matching nightwear set in advance only for them to post, “I think I need to take time to heal my inner child”. Okay, let’s heal it together. 

    The “maybe I should date the dating app” meme

    You don’t know how many “what’s your favourite colour and love language” questions you’ve answered this year. At a point, you started thinking, “If that one white woman can date a train, I can date the dating app”. 

    The “I live for chaos” meme

    If anyone had as many talking stages as you’ve had, they’d live long enough to become the villain. Not only are you still single, but you’re also picky. Any small thing, you’ve blocked the person or ghosted. We can’t even blame you, pele. 

    The “I was minding my business” meme

    You’ll be on your own, and some happy person will post something like, “Did somebody wish you good morning or give your forehead kisses, or should I mind my business?” They should’ve minded their business before posting it. At least, single people don’t have to share their food.

    The “don’t try me“ meme

    When you see someone tweet, “If you’ve slept with many people, your soul is now connected to them”. All those soul ties, and none of them would date you?

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