Men | Page 4 of 16

Getting a man’s name tattooed on your body as a show of love is a very questionable thing, except he’s dead of course and you got the tattoo to immortalize him. However, if you want to get a man’s name tattooed on your body simply because you love him, we’ll need you to sit back and think of your action.

Here are some serious questions to ask yourself before tattooing a man’s name on your body.

1. Is everything alright at home?

You need to be sure everything is fine on the homefront before you proceed. Do your parents love you, do you have spiritual problems, do you need to get delivered from spiritual problems you have no hand in? Those are some of the things you need to know. You can also ask your parents some of those questions to be sure everything is fine at home.

2. Is the name biblical?

Let the name atleast be biblical and by biblical, we don’t mean a name in the Bible. No, we mean a name that can be turned into a Bible passage, like Matthew.

3. Do you not like your body?

You are a beauty and a spec and you don’t need his name on your body to confirm that. Even if you don’t like your body, that man’s name on it won’t make it better.

4. Are you ready to endure the disgrace?

First and foremost, the disgrace is going to be plenty, very very plenty and it’s probably going to make you a story woman. Are you ready to explain to one million people why you have a man’s name on your body even though you no longer talk to him? Think about it.

5. Is the name fanciful enough?

Please note, I am not talking about names like Tunde, Tunji or Chukwudi [sorry to men with those names]. Is the name atleast fancy enough with a good meaning? If not, kindly abort the mission.

6. How common is the name?

A common name is a good option, you can walk down the road and find another man with that name to date. Names like Kunle, Tobi and Femi are good options here, not Alexandria.

7. Why you don’t love yourself.

If you truly love yourself enough, you won’t get a man’s name tattooed on your body. If you truly love yourself, you won’t date men, but that’s another conversation.

8. Do you like the name enough to claim it’s yours?

When the love fails and your foolishness is staring you in the face, would you like the name enough to claim it’s yours? Very unlikely.
I recently got a purse and it’s been the most gloriously convenient thing, ever. In fact, I’m kicking myself for not doing it sooner. I think every person should have one, to hell with gender. The best part is, they come in different shapes and sizes so you can just pick the one that suits you. Here are 5 reasons why men should start carrying purses.

1. You can hide snacks there.

You know those moments when you wish you had a snack to munch on as your stomach is growling? One purse solves all of that. You can put biscuits, sweets, cookies or even swallow if you’re feeling adventurous.

2. It’s convenient af.

The average guy has to carry his phone(s), wallet, earbuds case, glasses/sunshades, keys, power bank, charger, chapstick, facemask and sometimes a mobile mi-fi. Are we really expected to fit all these things inside the two pockets of our chinos? Men need purses too.

3. It’s stylish

The right purse can take you from basic Bayo to stylish Stephen. Pairing a purse with your outfit is a look for days.

4. People will think you have money.

Carrying a purse makes you look like you just finished having a meeting with Otedola. It’s a yes for me.

5. It shows that you’re a man of taste.

A man who doesn’t care about gender norms, is prepared with his arsenal of items in his purse and you’re stylish? What’s not to love?
Lads, these women have been enjoying these skirts and seriously tried to keep the secret of casual fashion away from the men, leaving us with those hot, uncomfortable, crotch-grabbing trousers and shorts we’re stuck with. In the next few paragraphs, we’re going to lay out my reasons why we think men should wear skirts.

1. Ventilation.

As I first put on the skirt, the feeling of relief washed over my nether regions and I sighed deeply as the room’s AC cooled my boxered bottoms. 10/10 will recommend.

2. It’s sexy af.

All that long legs in a short skirt, my legs were showing TF off. Ashewo mode for real.

3. It’s never been easier to pee.

Just reach beneath, slide your boxers to the side and let it rip.

4. Great running.

I could do leaps and bounds while I was wearing that skirt.

5. Perfect for combat.

If there is any need for a fight, you can just lift it up so you can free your legs to face your adversary.

6. Our forefathers wore wrappers.

And we all know that wrappers are just skirts that studied in the village.

7. Perfect fashion piece.

Look at fashunz now. Let men wear skirts,
One in three men will suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. Only a third of these men will seek help for this condition. In Nigeria, men often opt for orthodox and traditional sexual enhancers to treat erectile dysfunction. I spoke to 4 men about their experiences with sexual enhancers.

Deji

2020 was a very stressful year for me, perhaps even the worst year of my life. I was dealing with work stress and other issues in my personal life, combined with the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing lockdown. Because of these, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Along with therapy sessions, my therapist prescribed ant-depressants. One of the side effects of that brand of anti-depressants was a loss of libido and difficulty ejaculating. Man, it was not funny at all.

I found it difficult to get and maintain erections when I wanted to have sex. When I managed to get hard, I couldn’t cum. I complained to my doctor, he suggested that I shouldn’t take the antidepressants until after sex. This worked initially, but it restricted the timing of my sex. I complained again and he suggested that I take a pill of Viagra just before sex, assuring me that it was perfectly normal for men in my situation to use it. I was hesitant because no man wants to feel like his equipment is not firing properly.

Using it really helped my erection, delayed my orgasms and boosted my performance generally. I wonder why it doesn’t get talked about more often and why more men with erection issues don’t use it. It’s been a year since I started using antidepressants and I’m happy that I’m getting better. I’m even getting weaned off my meds to see if my brain can cope without them. My erections now occur organically, without any enhancers and I’m back to my pre-medication abilities. Still, I don’t shy away from popping a pill when I think the session could do with an extra push.

Morufu

I started looking for a sexual enhancer when I realised I suffered from premature ejaculation. I had just got into a relationship with someone new and I wanted to impress her, as per first impression. I bought 100mg of viagra from a pharmacy.

When I used it, it didn’t give make me extra hard nor did it give me an erection after ejaculation. However, I noticed that my recovery period between ejaculation and a second erection reduced from 20 minutes to about 15 minutes.

I also suffered side effects, like a headache that lasted till the next day. I concluded that sexual enhancers just don’t work for me.

Dumebi

Out of curiosity, I took the popular burantashi, a herbal medicine just before sex. All it did was irritate my urethra and gave me the urge to pee. It also caused me to produce a lot of precum. It didn’t give me a better erection or make me hornier.

Tunde

When my wife first got pregnant, I discovered that I couldn’t get or maintain an erection. So I bought a brand of viagra from a drugstore. The pharmacist told me to take one pill, but I have coconut head and I really wanted to get the erection of my glory days back, so I took two at a time. Boy, what a bad idea that was!

I got aroused, but from there on, my problems had just begun. I kept thrusting for minutes on end but I couldn’t cum. My dick was hard but it felt dead. No sensation, no orgasm, just hardness and vibes. It would go down anytime she came and we stopped and rested but then it would get hard again. This lasted for about two days and I had to call a doctor friend to save my life. He advised that I eat meals with heavy fat content in order to slow down my metabolism. I was swallowing egusi and pork meat like my life depended on it.

I haven’t used it since then, and my erections are back to normal. It just turned out that my body needed time to adjust sexually to my wife’s pregnant body. Our sex life pretty much amped up after that. I’m never going to mess with viagra again.

Are you a man who would like to be interviewed for a Zikoko article? Fill this form and we’ll be in your inbox quicker than you can say “Man Dem.”

Read: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Vasectomies
People usually think skincare is feminine and a very stressful thing to do. Thing is, everybody should take care of their skin. And there are a few basic things you can do to make your skin healthier.

1. Do NOT use the same towel you use on your body on your face

The same towel you used to clean your armpit, ass crack and balls is what you want to put on your face? If you don’t fear your face, at least fear God.

2. Don’t wash your face with sponge, I beg you in the name of God

Is it jeans that is on your face? Why are you using a sponge to scrub it like it’s a carpet? Pls, only use soap and your hands on your face, it’s enough.

3. Invest in a cleanser and toner

A simple cleanse, moisturize and protect with sunscreen, would save your skin from looking like you just came back from war. If you’re feeling little extra, you can add a hydrating or soothing toner. Let your skin start popping.

4. Don’t pick at your pimples

Sorry o. Dr. Pimple Popper. Any small pimple, you’ll start pressing it like it’s owing you money. Stop it. Let it go. You’re just adding more bacteria to your face and might even leave permanent scars on your face. Exercise patience, my g.

5. Stop touching your face all the damn time

Think about your day. You’ll touch phones, germs. Touch table, germs. Touch laptop, germs. Touch surfaces that people who haven’t washed their hands in 2 days. You’ll now carry that hand and touch your face. Haba. Have mercy on your poor face, which is the most sensitive skin on your body. Make a habit of not touching your face, make bad skin no touch you. If you have to, wash your hands first.

6. Always. Moisturize. Your. Lips

Your lips are like the third thing people notice on you, so it’s best to keep them healthy and fresh. Drink lots of water and always have a lip balm handy to apply on your lips, especially if you smoke. Don’t let your lips look like you use them to sweep.

7. Moisturise ALL of your body

We know you’ve done it before. You’ll think “Nobody can see this place, cloth has covered it, so no need to cream.” No, bro. Wherever your hand can reach, cream it. So that when you bend over in public to tie your shoelace, you won’t assault everybody with an ashy buttcrack.

8. Chief, oil your beard

Your beard deserves some love too. It’s not everytime your beard will look dry or like it’s about to turn to dreadlocks. Use oil like castor, argan oil, jojoba oil and watch your beard starts looking luscious.
The scariest moment in a young man’s life is when he asks a romantic interest out for the first time. A lot of things run through his mind before he convinces himself that the worst response he’ll get is a “no”. For some guys though, they find out that there are things worse than “no”. I spoke to five Nigerian men about the first time they asked someone out.

Tea

It was my second year in uni and I was classmates and good friends with this girl. I wanted to ask her out in grand style because it was my first real relationship. I had the whole event planned out — the location, the outfit and my proposal. I wrote a whole speech about why dating me was a good idea, how we’re going to be a different couple, how her cousins and our mutual friends already think we’ll make a good pair, how our personalities complement each other and many other things. She was older and more mature so I knew I had to outdo all the other guys toasting her.

After executing the perfect proposal, I asked her to think about it and respond when she was ready. She immediately replied that she doesn’t need time to think about it and she doesn’t want to keep me waiting. She thought we’d be better off as friends rather than lovers.

I was shocked and devastated. All my weeks of planning went down the drain. I spent the next 17 months trying to convince her or understand her reasons but she never budged. In that time, I missed out on two potentially great relationships all because I was stuck on her. It was even harder to move on because we spent at least 8 hours a day together in med school. After I dropped out, I met someone new and started dating.

Eight years have passed and we’re still friends.

Bryan

When I was in SS3, I had this giant crush on this babe. Everyone knew because I don’t know how to hide my emotions. One day, my friends gingered me to ask her out. So I went to sit with her and I blurted that I had feelings for her. She said, “Aww, that’s so sweet, but you’re like a brother to me.” I think I still have a small crush on her, even though it’s been over a decade.

Olu

My first time? It was horrible. I was in secondary school, and in hindsight, I was very shy and wasn’t very good-looking. Back then, when I wanted to talk to someone, I’d practice my conversation ahead and anticipate what the other person would say. When I asked her out, she said, “And why would I do that?”

I froze and started stuttering because I hadn’t seen that coming. I started saying nonsense about giving it a chance. She just rolled her eyes and continued reading her social studies note. That’s the first time I wanted to die. The embarrassment was too heavy. I didn’t ask anybody out for 3 years after that.

When I think of her rejection, it makes me smile. She was such a no-nonsense babe and it was so hot. I’m grateful that rejection happened because it helped my conversation planning get better.

Tomiwa

I was in primary school and had a crush on a girl in secondary school. I still remember the butterflies in my stomach when I walked up to her and asked her out. It was cute af and I was pretty shy but she was super encouraging. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said she was gonna think about it. It was a Friday so I spent the weekend just on the edge. Monday came along and we met up and she answered me with a kiss. She was my first of many baddies.

Kenny

I wrote her a cute note, as per the writer that I am. I wasn’t scared because I knew the chances of her saying no was very low. She said she’d think about it and I was lost and confused because I had never heard people say they wanted to think about a proposal. One night, when I was going to my hostel, she pulled me aside and said yes.

[donation]
In today’s society, everyone has an opinion about what it means to really be a “man”. Whatever those opinions are they end up doing more harm than good, seeing as 75% of suicide victims are men. Here are some of the ridiculous ways society thinks you should act like a man.

1. Never cry.

As society assumes men don’t have tear ducts, we’re not allowed to cry. If you cry, you’ve lost your men’s membership card. People would say, “don’t cry now, are you not a man?” As per men don’t have tears inside their eyes or what? Better cry before you give yourself BP. It’s a great outlet.

2. Be aggressive

Sorry o, Mighty Igor. Kung-fu master. More times than not, you end up looking foolish.

3. Never share your problems with anyone

They want you to keep your problems in your chest and as we all know, problem no dey finish. What do you think will happen to your chest?

4. Sleep with more women to seem manly

Sleeping with women not because you want to but because you want another “feather in your cap” is childish. Love yourself. That’s how people catch venereal diseases.

5. Cover up for your bros when they’ve fucked up

Don’t encourage nonsense. Call out bad behaviour when you see it.

6. Don’t take care of your body

Being a man is no reason not to maintain basic hygiene and skincare. Your masculinity does not lie in your ashiness. Moisturize today.

7. Don’t be involved in taking care of your home/kids

Society expects the job of home-keeping and child-raising to be women’s jobs. When it’s your turn, try and do better.

Have you read: 5 Fathers Discuss What They Love About Raising Daughters

[donation]
Evil Nigerian women are like little devils, roaming around, looking for whom to devour. Thanks to Momsy’s prayers, you have managed not to fall into the grasp of evil Nigerian women. If you have, my condolences to you. May affliction not rise a second time. If it had already risen a second time, you need to check yourself. This is how to recognise and avoid a wicked Nigerian woman.

1. If she’s Igbo, Edo or Ondo, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.

Even the devil is afraid of these women. If you don’t want to cry hot boiling tears (with catarrh for bonus), avoid them.

2. Avoid short women

Short women are close to the devil so they are usually the first to receive instruction from him. Avoid them before they carry out his instructions on you.

3. If she has a big forehead.

What do you think they store in that big headspace? It’s wickedness. My brother, run oh.

4. If she eats from your plate, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.

If she really is a good person, would she really be eating your food from your plate? Does she really want you to be well-fed? If your woman eats from your plate, you know what that means. Wickedness.

5. If she steals your clothes

She might try to pretend that it’s all love, but she really wants you to end up naked. The Bible says “Flee from all appearances of evil.”

We will keep exposing the wicked ways of these women. Just spray us money first.

6. If different people pay for her subscription

Tunde is paying for her Netflix. Itoro is paying for her Spotify. Charles is paying for her Amazon Prime. Ejiro is paying for her Disney Plus. Anita is paying for her Hulu but you think she’s your babe? You’re playing with fire.

7. If she bullies you

If she’s a bully, do I even need to tell you?

8. If she watches movies and shows on her phone

A woman that would rather watch movies on her phone than a TV or laptop? There’s something wrong somewhere. Sounds like the machinations of the devil.

9. If she stresses you

Anybody that stresses you wants to give you high blood pressure and end your life. Run from a wicked Nigerian woman today.
If you date Nigerian men, here are some of the kinds you might enter into a relationship with or have already been in a relationship with.

1) Oedipus complex

This kind of man only dates women who look like, talk like and act like his mother. Whenever you hang out, he brings his mother into every single conversation. You can even turn it into a drinking game. Every time he mentions his mother, drink. You should have alcohol poisoning by the end of the day. These ones take mama’s boy to a whole new level. If they want to marry their mother, they should just say so.

2) “Intellectual”

They feel they are smarter than you because they are interested in science and politics. They turn dates into “Who wants to be a millionaire” by asking very boring questions about topics you have no interest in. One thing they believe is that your inability to answer their questions make you stupid. Forgetting that people like what they like. They are usually narcissists and might sometimes refer to themselves as sapiosexuals.

3) Misogyny Mike

He wants a traditional wife and instead of getting one, will go after independent women in a bid to “break” them. He will take every opportunity presented to him to demean women. They are in love with gender roles, and this is not just limited to heterosexual relationships. Misogyny Mikes can be found in gay relationships as well.

4) Mr Not-So-Nice Guy

They claim to be good guys, but they are actually very manipulative. They gaslight you to the point you feel you are losing your mind.

5) Still in love with their ex

He’s probably with you because he is trying to get over his ex that broke his heart four years ago. He still has their picture in his wallet, and if you have children together, might name your children after the ex.

6) Perveted Peter

Every single chance to make a conversation weirdly sexual, he takes it. Perverted Peters will make you uncomfortable with their comments and tell you you’re being too prudish when you speak up. They act like sex is the best thing since sliced bread.

7) The little bit married ones

At some point in your life, you might date a married Nigerian man. You may not have wanted to be a side chick, and thought you were the only one in his life. He just forgot to tell you he’s a little bit married. Don’t blame him, he was shy. His wife and children skipped his mind.

8) Too good to be true

There will always be a guy that seems maybe just a little bit too good to be true. He is everything you had ever wanted and although his head might not be correct sometimes, he takes time out to learn. When this kind of person shows up, just hold him tight because everyone in the Nigerian dating scene is not okay.

[donation]
There are men, and there are alpha males. One of the easiest ways for people to identify you as an alpha male is for you to do these nine things.

1) Never use an umbrella

Alpha males allow rain to flog them like someone that stole meat from the market. It is emasculating for any real alpha male to walk around with an umbrella. If you get a cold, remind the cold of who you are, and watch it disappear. Even colds recognise alphas.

2) Chapstick is your worst enemy

How can an alpha male have moisturized lips? The more cracked your lips, the stronger of an alpha you are. This is because the cracked lips represent the difficult roads you have gone through to come out strong.

3) The ashier the knees, the better

Moisturizer is such a feminine trait. Everyone knows that alpha males don’t moisturize their knees. Moisturized knees is a sign of weakness.

4) Only know how to cook noodles

Cooking is an important life skill, but back in the day, alphas did not cook. Now, however, since you are a progressive man and you realise that everyone needs to know how to cook, you must have perfected the art of making noodles.

Alpha male doings

5) Provide

A good Alpha male must be a provider. Nobody cares who you are providing for or what you provide. Just provide.

6) Don’t drink cocktails

The more bitter and tasteless your drink is, the more masculine you are. Only women drink fruity drinks. A real Alpha doesn’t drink colourful drinks.

7) Be the head

No matter what the situation you find yourself in is like, always beat your chest three times and proclaim you are the head. Only true Alphas can be the head even when they have a boss.

8) Do not wash your ass

The smell from your unwashed ass is what notifies the people around you that they are in the presence of an Alpha male.

9) Enter staring competitions with strangers

The best way to assert your dominance as an alpha is to stare down random people. Whoever looks away first is clearly the weaker person.

For more on what is inside this life, please click here

[donation]

1. Is everything alright at home?

2. Is the name biblical?

3. Do you not like your body?

4. Are you ready to endure the disgrace?

5. Is the name fanciful enough?

6. How common is the name?

7. Why you don’t love yourself.

8. Do you like the name enough to claim it’s yours?

1. You can hide snacks there.

2. It’s convenient af.

3. It’s stylish

4. People will think you have money.

5. It shows that you’re a man of taste.

1. Ventilation.

2. It’s sexy af.

3. It’s never been easier to pee.

4. Great running.

5. Perfect for combat.

6. Our forefathers wore wrappers.

7. Perfect fashion piece.

Deji

Morufu

Dumebi

Tunde

1. Do NOT use the same towel you use on your body on your face

2. Don’t wash your face with sponge, I beg you in the name of God

3. Invest in a cleanser and toner

4. Don’t pick at your pimples

5. Stop touching your face all the damn time

6. Always. Moisturize. Your. Lips

7. Moisturise ALL of your body

8. Chief, oil your beard

Tea

Bryan

Olu

Tomiwa

Kenny

1. Never cry.

2. Be aggressive

3. Never share your problems with anyone

4. Sleep with more women to seem manly

5. Cover up for your bros when they’ve fucked up

6. Don’t take care of your body

7. Don’t be involved in taking care of your home/kids

1. If she’s Igbo, Edo or Ondo, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.

2. Avoid short women

3. If she has a big forehead.

4. If she eats from your plate, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.

5. If she steals your clothes

6. If different people pay for her subscription

7. If she bullies you

8. If she watches movies and shows on her phone

9. If she stresses you

1) Oedipus complex

2) “Intellectual”

3) Misogyny Mike

4) Mr Not-So-Nice Guy

5) Still in love with their ex

6) Perveted Peter

7) The little bit married ones

8) Too good to be true

1) Never use an umbrella

2) Chapstick is your worst enemy

3) The ashier the knees, the better

4) Only know how to cook noodles

5) Provide

6) Don’t drink cocktails

7) Be the head

8) Do not wash your ass

9) Enter staring competitions with strangers