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  • It’s not strange for a child to admire and want to be like his father. Apples don’t fall too far from the tree, but how many of these traits are learnt or unconsciously adopted? These Nigerian men share their stories.

    “I don’t really socialise, and I suck at communicating” — Mayowa, 32, Lagos

    I personally didn’t see the parallel traits, beyond the complexion of my skin, until puberty set in. I’m a mirror image of my father now. Our physical resemblance serves as an identifier within influential circles where my father is well-known. But the flip-side is it’s challenging to establish my identity when others perceive you solely as Mr. X’s son. 

    But it’s not just our physical appearances. We’re both pragmatic and introverted, which has its drawbacks. Asking for help, networking and socialising don’t come naturally to individuals like me. I make a conscious effort to introduce spontaneity into my life. I recently put a permanent reminder on my calendar, labelled “Call Dad” — a gentle nudge to prioritise regular communication.

    “We both go on a rampage when we’re angry” — Bright, 21, Lagos

    When I was about nine years old, I noticed my dad had anger issues. He has a short temper and gets furious very quickly. Growing up, I’ve noticed I do things to the extreme when I’m angry too. Like one time in 2021, I was in a heated argument with my sister because of something she did, and it got to the point where I smashed her phone on the floor. But I’m working on controlling my emotions now. I try not to react immediately to anything; I’m learning to be more patient with people. And when I have the opportunity, therapy is something that’s prominent in my mind because I’ve seen my dad’s attitude to his anger issues — he’s not phased by it all but we’ve kind of grown to live with it.

    “We overlook things a lot” — Femi, 29, Lagos

    My behaviour and mannerisms are closely linked to how my father handles things. He hardly takes offense. During NYSC in 2018, I met different types of people who’d annoy me a lot, but I had an impressive level of restraint. I kept thinking this is what my dad would do. Ironically, he gets inflamed by what you’d consider petty; like slippers scattered around, little dirt unpacked. No one else in my family is like that. Just him and I.

    “We can’t ask for help” — Anonymous, 26, Osogbo

    I can’t seem to ask for help from people, no matter how dire the situation. I found this out pretty early and chucked it up to my introversion until I was 15. That’s when I noticed my father is like that too. At a time we went through some rough patch at home, I saw him grind through it alone and quietly. I don’t think it’s a pride thing; I’d attribute it to over-independence. 

    I was surprised when I noticed our similarities because I always thought we were totally different. I think weighing the costs of this “over-independence” every time I need to ask for help goes a long way towards navigating it. When I think about the people who could be affected, I tend to ease up and speak up.

    “We both have retentive memories” — Stephen, 59, Oyo

    My father (of blessed memory) liked to sing or recite the Oriki of everyone who passed through the front of our house. My father knew the Oriki of every Yoruba names and towns; l’m also good at that. I noticed these traits in me when l was young. I even released an album in 2023. Just like me now, he also dressed well and abhorred dirt.

    “I might die helpless if I don’t start opening my mouth” — Babatunde, 26, Akure

    I never thought much about it until I was 22 years old in 2019. The country’s economy was struggling, but things were harder at home. I felt like why were my siblings and I even born if our parents wouldn’t take care of us like they should. I always thought with the number of important people my father had as contacts on his phone, there was no way we’d go through hard times. 

    Fast forward to 2022, I quit my first job and started looking for fresh opportunities, but nothing came. Everything was choking me. Then, a random check-in on a friend turned into an extensive conversation, and I had to come clean that I was jobless. We came up with a solution that helped for a while, but then, I thought to myself, “This is the same thing I correct daddy about. I might die helpless if I don’t start opening my mouth.”

    “I don’t want to make mistakes around people” — Micah, 35, Anambra 

    I’m always trying to be on people’s good sides, especially within the family. I don’t want to make mistakes around anyone or offend them. Whether I’m the wronged person in a situation or not, it’s like I just want you to love me. I’m still trying to figure out what type of hell I’ve found myself in, but this is a major trait I share with my dad, and I think about it every hour of the day.

  • Father’s Day comes once a year. To celebrate 2023’s edition, seven Nigerian men talk to Zikoko about their ideal Father’s Day celebration.

    “All I do is put up pictures of my kids on socials” — Ifeanyi, 37, Benin

    Celebrating Father’s Day has always been something my wife and kids do for me rather than me doing anything for myself. They wish me Happy Father’s Day, and sometimes, get me gifts. All I really do is celebrate fatherhood by putting up pictures of my kids on some socials. That’s the ideal Father’s Day for me. It’s worth noting and celebrating the life of a father or man with responsibilities, and I appreciate it.

    “I’d likely be a father myself before I celebrate one” — Yinka, 30, Lagos

    I’ve never really cared about Father’s Day or how it’s celebrated. I was raised by a single mum; my dad wasn’t present at all. So it’s a normal day for me, especially since it doesn’t get a lot of buzz like Mother’s Day and special celebrations for women. If I ever consider celebrating, maybe I’d be a father myself first. But right now, it’s just another day for me.

    “Sometimes, I don’t want to be a father at all” — Vick, 23, Ilorin

    Let me begin by saying fathers are not celebrated well enough. Everybody knows, but we never complain. Just check how many songs we have for mothers and match it to the ones for fathers.

    I don’t have anything planned for my father on this less anticipated day. But God knows I’m trying my best to make it big and give this man the best life. He has dream cars, houses etc., but he prioritises my demands and works hard to meet my needs. I pray to God to spare his life so he can reap the fruit of his good labour. I think of him and cry sometimes. Being the head of a family isn’t always joyful. Sometimes, I don’t even want to be a father at all. It’s a lot.

    “It’s a mellow day for me” — Juwon, 34, Sagamu

    Oh, I miss my dad. It’ll be a mellow day as usual. I’ll write a song as I’ve done in the last three years, call his wife and relive great moments. God bless his soul.

    “Fathers shouldn’t be neglected in their old age” — Folasayo, 59, Ogbomoso

    A father should celebrate having kids and his ability to train them to be better people. It’s an important day, and it should be spent with family, love and gifts. Especially older fathers, they shouldn’t feel neglected in their old age.

    “I’d love to surprise my dad with a visit to the spa” — Maleek, 27, Ilorin

    I don’t really have anything planned, but here’s how my ideal father’s Day would look.

    My dad works really hard. Even when you tell him to take a day off, he’d start fixing broken stuff around the house. On Father’s Day, I’d love to surprise him with a visit to the spa. We’d both get a full body massage, relax in one of those hot rooms with thick, white towels around our waist, get haircuts and some facial treatments and get our feet and nails cleaned too. 

    Next up, we’d go for a medical consultation. He’ll get the best recommendations on natural supplements to boost his immunity and overall health. Then, we’ll go and buy some expensive native clothes. I know he likes lace materials a lot. We’ll get those and go over to the tailor’s shop. Finally, we’ll buy all sorts of chops and drinks to be enjoyed at home with everyone. 

    I’m one of four boys, so I know I might not have him for a full day. But that’s how I would love to spend Father’s Day with my dad.

    “If possible, I’d get him a gift” — Abisola, 32, Lagos

    We no really send Father’s Day, but I like the fact that we have a day that celebrates men who’re fathers. I think it makes a lot of sense. Regardless of the hard guy thing, I think we all want to be celebrated. Well, I’ll call my dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, post him on all socials and make him feel good about himself. If possible, I’d get him a gift.

    RECOMMENDED: 9 Father’s Day Gift Ideas for Broke Kids

  • Last week came with so many controversial happenings that we can’t be more sure it’ll be impossible to get men to keep quiet about the following:

    Arsenal and their big EPL dreams

    Being a Gunner is painful; steady hoping but never actually winning. They actually thought they’d grab the English Premier League (EPL) title and end the season as champions. Hey Siri, play ”Vivid Imagination” by KWAM1.

    Lakers and the legend of Lebron James

    Imagine being an Arsenal and LA Lakers fan. Lakers supporters hoped Lebron would save them, but they lost to the Nuggets. Now 0-3 down, they’re still saying, “Lakers in 7”. Let it go, bro.

    Twitter

    SportyBet Woes

    “My ticket don cut again” bros won’t stop talking about how last weekend games and SportyBet stopped them from becoming overnight millionaires. Worse still, they wanted to bet one thousand naira to cashout two million naira. What are the odds?

    Zikoko Memes

    The Agbado Boys

    Twitter for politics is filled with men who constantly analyse the president-elect’s forthcoming swear-in and hand-over ceremonies. Then there are ones threatening Nigerians not to go near Eagle Square. God, ABEG.

    Zikoko Memes

    RECOMMENDED: 9 Ridiculous Things Nigerian Men Shouldn’t Bring into 2023

    “Where’s the love?”

    Every other day, there’s someone subbing women on public forums. We don’t have much to say about this, but aren’t you the ones that don‘t talk to your babes for two days? 

    Zikoko Memes

    “Na man dey do man”

    These are the ones who are always crying about how rich tech-bros and sugar daddies have taken all the babes from them.

    Zikoko Memes

    Nigerian men don’t cheat

    Nigerian men who are trying to beat the “all men cheat” allegations suffered a huge setback since 2Baba’s appearance on Young, Famous and African season two. Doesn’t look like we’ll ever beat the allegations.

    Zikoko Memes

    Intermission: Start picking out the sluttiest outfits for HERtitude 2023, the biggest all-hot-women party. It’s on Saturday, and it’s going to be HOT. In case you haven’t bought your ticket yet, here you go.

    ALSO READ: What Shakespeare Should Learn From the Nigerian Man in 2023

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Joey and Akah met in 2008 when Joey was dating Akah’s sister. On this week’s #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about why Akah thought Joey was fake when they first met, their surprise connection and picking sides after Joey’s break-up with Akah’s sister. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane

    Joey: We met in 2008 when I was still dating your sis. She introduced you to me as her “overprotective brother”. She’d hyped you up as the guy who’d beat me if I fucked up. But then, you pulled up, and I was like, “Omo, if I racked with this guy, I’d definitely win.” 

    Akah: I won’t beat you up because I still want to follow you to eat banga at your mum’s place. 

    Joey: You’re a cute teddy bear who only pretends to like violence. The more I spoke to you about basketball the night we met, the more I realised you’re cool AF. We eventually turned your sister into a third wheel. 

    Akah: I might’ve laughed with you that night, but it didn’t mean I liked you. I told my sister to break up with you when we got home. 

    Joey: Guy, for real? 

    Trust issues and initial gragra 

    Akah: I don’t trust the guys my sister dates, so I didn’t trust you one bit. You moved like a player, and you were trying too hard to be liked with all your dead jokes and compliments. 

    Joey: Na wa o. I was extra because I genuinely wanted you to like me. 

    Akah: Exactly. And I could see the desperation. But my sister was so into you she made us hang out over and over again until I liked you. It was like when the radio rinses a song so bad you end up knowing the lyrics even though you can’t stand it. 

    Joey: So you’re calling me a Drake song? Well done. I knew I wanted to be friends with you from the start. But I was also scared of how we’d navigate my relationship with your sister. 

    The moment we became friends

    Akah: I was also avoiding being friends with my sister’s guy. What would happen if you guys broke up? Plus, I wasn’t looking for new friends, so what was the point? 

    But one day, our gist moved from basketball to our late dads, and for the first time, I felt a connection to you beyond bants. We’re both first sons who had to step up at a young age because we lost our dads. 

    Joey: I don’t even know how that gist happened because I never used to talk about growing up or my dad. It’s too painful for me, even after all these years. I’d rather use jokes to cover it up. 

    Akah: Are you telling me? 

    Joey: Guy, abeg. Talking to you about not crying when my dad died because I wanted to hold it together for my mum opened the floodgates. I can count on one hand how many times I’d cried before that moment. It was weird that I was opening up to my babe’s brother, but I rolled with it and made you my free therapist. 

    Akah: I didn’t mind. I love listening to people, and part of why I thought you were somehow before was because you only made jokes. Nothing about you sounded real. But talking about your family made you an actual human being to me. 

    This was until you broke my sister’s heart in 2011, and everything became so fucking complicated. 

    Joey: Oh, shit!

    Picking between my sister and her ex

    Akah: Imagine you breaking up with my sister just when I started to actually like you? Please, explain yourself. 

    Joey: That breakup was mutual, but somehow, I got labelled as the bad guy. Someone would think I cheated or did something bad. We just ran out of fuel. 

    Akah: And you couldn’t queue and refuel your relationship at NNPC? 

    Joey: I knew you’d say something stupid. I remember thinking, “Bruh, Akah is going to hate me now”. It was the first consequence I actually thought of when we were breaking up. 

    Akah: Then you should’ve stayed together for me. I was pissed when she told me sha. I was angry to see her in pain, but I was also mad that I would lose a friendship I hadn’t even wanted in the first place. Then I felt guilty because my sister had just ended a three-year relationship, and instead of me to ginger and go beat the guy up, I was worried about him too. 

    Joey: You actually love me, man. It’s cute. 

    Akah: No, I don’t. I was being a nice guy. But I also knew we couldn’t hang out or talk to each other for a while, so I avoided your calls and texts for about a month after the breakup. 

    Joey: I was so angry. It felt like I was being punished, and I actually wasn’t going to talk to you again, but all that anger disappeared when you texted me asking if you could come to watch a game at my place. I had to stop coming to your place because of her. We could hang out anywhere but there.

    Akah: I had to let things calm down and have my sister confirm it was okay before I contacted you. It was the right thing to do. She wasn’t completely fine with our friendship, but she knew we had our thing separate from her. 

    Joey: It was tricky, but our friendship was worth it. I’d lost a relationship I’d invested in. I wasn’t about to lose a friend too. 

    She’s married now, and you like her husband (not as much as me, though), so we can see it all worked out. Or would you have preferred if she married me? 

    Akah: Imagine me walking her down the aisle then coming over to stand behind you as your best man? That sounds like stress, bro. 

    Coming through for one another

    Akah: We’ve been friends for over ten years now. I can’t begin to pinpoint a time you came through for me. 

    Joey: So I’m a shitty friend? 

    Akah: You come for me a lot. That sounds wrong. Oh, yes, you come through for me a lot. 

    Joey: Even I was like, “I do what now?” 

    I know a moment I’ll pick, and that’s in 2020, when you made me your son’s godfather. I know it’s just bants in Nigeria, but that level of trust mattered to me. I’m unmarried and don’t have kids, so it’s like you made me a dad without having to pay school fees or feed the child daily. It’s the best blessing I could ask for. 

    Akah: We can change it anytime, so keep saying rubbish. 

    What holds our friendship together? 

    Akah: My therapist, for sure. I need somewhere to dump all your wahala when you’re done with me. It’s expensive, but it works. 

    Joey: Thank her for me. Trust is what holds our friendship together. I know you have my back, and I want to believe you know I have yours too. 

    I want you to know

    Joey: My mood automatically gets better every time I think about you. You’re the human version of drugs because you always have a way of making everyone around you feel better. It’s even more beautiful because you’re not doing it intentionally to get them to like you. It’s just your thing. I think that makes you an incredible person. 

    Akah: I agree, but I’m not a drug IJN (Amen). I’m really proud of how open you’ve become over the years. You’ve moved from someone who’d joke about a situation instead of addressing it. Humour is great, but sometimes, sitting in or addressing your other emotions is good. I’m glad you’ve learnt a lot from me, and I’ve made you a better man. I’m so proud of myself on your behalf. 

    Joey: LOL. You’re a clown, and that’s why I keep you around.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • What if I said you could be in your 20s, but deep down, you’re a 40+ man? To allow this math to math properly in your brain, I’ve researched and come up with a list of activities that are synonymous with 40+ men. If you do at least three of these things, maybe it’s time to start being intentional about your pension. 

    Play tennis 

    If playing tennis on a Saturday morning is your idea of relaxing or getting a good workout, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re a 40+ man. Unless your name is Roger Federer, there’s no excuse for this grandpa behaviour. I bet you wear all white and scream, “Thank you, Lord”, after each serve. 

    Watch movie marathons on AfMag Yoruba, Igbo or Family 

    Please, don’t deny it; you live for those moments on Saturday when you can finally catch up on all your favourite Nollywood movies on Africa Magic. You open a bottle of beer, grab some chin-chin or fried fish and watch for the first 20 minutes before dozing off. If we do some extra digging, there’s a high chance you’re still following Tinsel. 

    Go to church committee meetings 

    Your youth evaporates from your body the moment you start willingly attending weekend meetings to plan bazaars, harvests and revivals. This is the first step in the religious 40+ ladder. Before you know it, you’re staying behind for small meetings after Sunday service, and the real youths are calling you Daddy Shola even though you have no offspring of your own. 

    Read the newspaper 

    You buy an actual newspaper made out of… paper? Wow. What happened to Google news updates or any form of online media? As if that’s not enough, you still spend hours solving the crossword puzzles in them. Don’t deny nature; you’re an older man on the inside. 

    Go to any place with “Country Club” in its name 

    You know you’re officially 40+ when you start swapping night clubs for daytime trips to country clubs to receive fresh air, eat suya and drink beer. Your bones can’t handle the gragra of partying all night, but you don’t want to leave the “club” scene, so you make a compromise. We see you, Daddy. 

    RECOMMENDED: How to Find a Sugar Mummy Before You’re Old Enough to Be a Sugar Daddy

    Brought to you by LOVE LIFE

    Update your Facebook photo albums 

    You’re still on Facebook? We don’t even have to get into this. You’re already old, Sir. Can I get you some Aboniki for your joints? 

    Fight with your carpenter, electrician or plumber

    Fighting with your mechanic or tailor is fine; we all do that. But the moment you graduate to the carpenter, electrician and plumber, then omo, you’re really invested in your surroundings. People say, “With age comes more responsibility”, and supervising Tiamiyu while he checks the pipe in the guest bathroom is the responsibility they’re referring to. 

    Compose WhatsApp BCs

    Sending out BCs and spreading misinformation are signs you’re crossing over into the 30+ lane. But trust me, the moment you start composing your own BCs days before you drop them like a surprise Beyoncé album, then my good sir, you’ve left 30+ behind and should be hanging out with RMD, Frank Edoho and Femi Otedola. 

    Watch the news

    It’s one thing to check the news online, but sitting in front of the TV all weekend to watch CNN and Al-Jazeera is a bit extra. Think about it, the only thing that differentiates you from your dad is that his own is NTA news with Eugenia Abu and Cyril Stober. 

    Rest 

    Rest? The young and agile don’t know that word. What we know is, “We go again”. Why are you resting on the weekend like you carried cement throughout the week? Like Saro in Anikulapo will say, “Gbera di de!” 

  • Nigerian men are famous for these things, and as a Nigerian man myself, I’m here to help you break free from them. 2023 is a new year, so as men, we must adopt a “New Year, new me” mentality and avoid some of these weird habits. 

    Trying to connect your beard 

    If your beard didn’t connect last year, after gallons of beard growth oil, then there’s a high chance it won’t connect this year. Having faith is cute, but you’re a grown man, so please, move on. #MenWithPatchyBeardsMatter

    Wearing skinny jeans 

    Why are you wearing skinny jeans that aren’t allowing your crowned jewels to breathe in big 2023? We cancelled skinny jeans in 2022, so I’d appreciate it if men got the memo to avoid looking like Johnny Bravo in jeggings. 

    Saying things like “gender wars” and “agenda must agend” 

    The only people allowed to use phrases like “Gender wars” and “Agenda must agend” on social media are Andrew Tate and Kelvin Odanz’ disciples. Unless that’s the legacy you want to leave behind, I’d advise that you avoid chatting dust on the timeline in 2023. Tenks. 

    The fear of bright colours 

    Real men wear pink, red, yellow, orange and purple. As black men, our skin was made to wear colour, regardless of what colonisers might’ve made us believe. Wearing black all the time to look edgy and mysterious has casted. Please, step into the light and touch grass. 

    Gym content creator dreams 

    Nigerians and going to the gym go together like five and six. This is why that popular gym in Lagos has a branch at every junction. 

    But if there’s one thing I need men to drop in 2022, it’s the need to set up a tripod and record everything they’re doing in the gym. When did everyone become fitness content creators? We can’t walk freely in the gym now without getting into someone’s shot. Just work out and go home. 

    RECOMMENDED: Instead of Focusing on Yours, Here Are 6 Ways to Destroy Other People’s New Year Resolutions

    Flirting like a creep 

    You know that urge to say “Without me?” every time you chat with someone and they say they’re about to shower or eat? Very cringe. Please, don’t bring that razz behaviour into 2023. It might be hard, but have small shame. 

    Not using the “L” word with male friends 

    Tell your male friends you love them in 2023. Yes, you don’t have to say it for them to know you feel that way about them. But sometimes, verbal reassurance makes everyone feel so much better. Life is too short to allow patriarchy to build a wall between you and your mandem. 

    Driving like Vin Diesel 

    Just because you survived 2022 with your reckless driving doesn’t mean you’ll make it to the end of 2023 if you continue that way. Nigeria is not a film set, and you’re not part of the Fast and Furious Franchise, so learn to drive like a human being, not a cat with nine lives. 

    Not holding ourselves accountable for BS

    We often see men either defend their male friends for awful behaviour or sit in silence as bystanders while their friends harm people around them. Well, that needs to change. If you know or see something messed up, speak up. Staying silent or encouraging bad behaviour will bite you in the bum bum one day. 

    ALSO READ: 10 Things You Need to Do to Prove You’re a “Manly” Nigerian Man

  • Whether we want to admit it or not, men love being called “Daddy”. There’s just something about being called Daddy by someone you’re doing genital meet-and-greet with that makes you buga with vim. 

    But how do you get your lover to call you daddy without getting them pregnant? Let me help you. 

    Grow a beard

    To move to Daddy status, you need a beard. Beardless men are cute, but if you want to be dangerously sexy, this is where the beard comes in. You can try any of these tips if your beard is not clicking. 

    Learn how to reverse and parallel park with one hand 

    The gworls that get it, get it. Men who can drive with one hand and do it well are just sexy AF — maybe it’s the increased danger or the illusion of being in control. I don’t really know why but it just gets everywhere wet sha. 

    Go bald

    I’m not talking about small low-cut hair, I mean the type of baldness where people can see their reflections when they look at your head. If you don’t believe me, look at Lynxx, RMD and Banky W. 

    Become a billionaire

    There’s nothing money cannot do. With a couple more zeros in your bank account, best believe even straight men will start calling you daddy. Money stops nonsense. 

    Flirt like an old man

    I don’t have tips for this, but you can ask your father how he landed your mother and use the same lines on anyone you find attractive. 

    Start listening to Sunny Ade, KWAM1 and Osadebe 

    You want to be a daddy with a capital D, and you’re on TikTok doing the #kulosachallenge? Let’s be serious here. Daddy status is a state of mind, and you must musically feed your mind with the classics. Burst out the Sunny Ade vibes and complain about how the music of “this” generation isn’t hitting like it used to. 

    RECOMMENDED: 11 Signs You’re Not Ready To Be A Billionaire

    Legally change your name to Daddy 

    Changing your name to Daddy in a court of law is probably the fastest way to get your lover to call you by that name. Technically, it’s your real name now, so they don’t have a choice. 

    Start wearing trad

    Get rid of the ripped jeans and oversized t-shirts and start wearing trads asaptually. Make sure you have at least three agbadas if you want to get to that Daddy status on time. 

    Put your lover on an allowance 

    If you want to replace their father, you might as well replace him financially too. Go all the way.

    Always bring them breakfast in bed 

    I know it sounds like houseboy work, but trust me, it’ll change how your lover looks at you. By the way, try switching the food you’re giving them. Not every day, pancakes and bacon, sometimes throw in a little pap and akara or pounded yam and egusi after intense fornication so they can renew their energy. 

    Pay for their house rent 

    If you pay for your lover’s apartment, it means they’re living in their father’s house, and since you paid, you’re now their Daddy. Does it make sense, or do you need a graph for further explanation? 

    ALSO READ:  10 Reasons Why Bald Men Are Happier Than You

  • Last week, a friend of mine tweeted about how it made no sense for a man to chase a woman for a long period of time. But how long is too long? I asked eight Nigerian men how long a man should pursue a woman, and this is what they said.

    “If you can see that she’s interested in you, keep trying until she says yes”

    — Effiong, 24

    As long as the man and woman are attracted to each other and she hasn’t outrightly said no, he should keep trying. No matter how long it takes. It’s not rocket science. If you can see that she’s interested in you, keep trying until she says yes.

     “Keep going at it, even if it takes two years”

    — Tobi, 22

    If the girl is worth it, apply pressure like mad. Except she clearly defines boundaries and tells you straight up she’s not interested. If not, keep going at it, even if it takes two years. Some people are just worth the effort. It’s something I can do, depending on the girl and where she is in her life. The funny thing is, I can see her going out with other men and it won’t faze me. I’ll just stay on top of my game and keep applying pressure. That’s how much I believe in my sauce.

      “If she’s not feeling you, walk away”

    — Tolu, 25

    Please don’t chase women. From the moment you speak to her, if she’s not feeling you, just walk away. If she’s playing hard to get, run for your life. Any woman playing “hard to get” isn’t a good person.

    ALSO READ: Dear Nigerian Women, This is How Nigerian Men Want to Be Toasted

    “If she likes me but acts funny about it, or plays hard to get, I’ll lose interest immediately”

    — Prince, 26 

    When I like a woman, I tell her. If she shows or tells me she doesn’t feel the same way, I leave her alone. If she likes me but acts funny about it, or plays hard to get, I’ll lose interest immediately. I’m not going to chase her, because there’s no reason to do that, as she already knows I like her, and I sense that she probably likes me. Why then would she be trying to stress my life? If I really like her, I’ll make an effort to find out the reason why she’s acting that way; maybe she’s not really playing hard to get, or there may be more to it. But if it’s someone I just started liking, I’ll walk away.

    “It’s not that simple”

    — Kamar, 35

    It’s not that simple. The answer to this question is not based on time but on progress. It can take a week or even a month before it’s clear that someone isn’t interested and you aren’t making progress. It can also take an hour. Even for someone who is interested, it can still take a long time for them to decide to be with you, even if they like you too. 

    Life and human beings are way too complex with different situations and principles for such an oversimplified question.  A thousand different scenarios can exist.

     “Don’t chase any woman for more than a year”

    — Tony, 28 

    You shouldn’t chase a woman for more than six months. Even six months is too long. Why are you pursuing somebody for longer than that? Don’t you have a life? Okay, maybe you really like her and she has shown signs that she likes you. In this scenario, you can keep trying, but it shouldn’t go past a year. And even with that, you should be talking to other girls. I don’t even think I can go that long, but for the guys that can, please don’t chase any woman for more than a year.

    ALSO READ: 6 Nigerian Men Talk About the Red Flags They Ignored in Their Relationships

    “The longest time I’ve waited for an answer is a month” 

    — Bayo, 28 

    You can pursue a girl for fifty years. If she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t. You can make an effort to try to woo and impress her, but don’t do that for too long. If you’ve tried for two weeks and she hasn’t shown interest, move on. To be honest, the longest time I’ve waited for an answer is one month. It was because she wanted to be sure she was making the right decision. But we both had feelings for each other. We’ve been dating for three months. 

    “You don’t need more than a month to know if a girl likes you” 

    — Chimezie, 27 

    I went on a date with someone last year, and after the date, I could tell she was no longer interested. After I told her I liked her, she told me she was with someone else. After that, I locked up and moved on. I don’t think I’ve ever chased a woman. My relationships start from friendships and they grow from there. Even the person I talked about above, we’d been flirting for a bit before I even asked her out on a date.

    “Don’t directly chase her for more than two weeks. If not, it can turn into harassment”

    — Oscar, 26 

    Once I toast a babe and she doesn’t agree, I remove my hands. There’s this thing I do which I call “Sleeper Cell P”. I plant the idea to a certain point and then leave the girl alone. I go back when or if the timing is right (you’ll know when that is). If she expressly states that she isn’t interested, I leave her alone. All in all, don’t directly chase her for more than two weeks. If not, it can turn into harassment.

    Next, how much are Nigerian men willing to spend on love?  “You Don’t Need a Lot of Money” — 7 Nigerian Men on the Cost of Finding Love

  • I was having a conversation with my friend, and at some point, he said, “If I die now, you can take my clothes.” I started to think about wills and how young men like him feel about writing them. 

    I spoke to seven young Nigerian men, and the first thing they all mentioned is that right now, they’ve not acquired anything, so there’s nothing to put in any will yet. Apart from that, this is what else they had to say.

    “Men are more pressured to have wills and leave stuff behind compared to women”

    — Kamsi*, 31

    I think coming up with a will is going to be more pressure than stress. Men are more pressured to have wills and leave things behind compared to women. In our geographical context, it’s the man’s “duty”. I’ve never really seen a case where a woman leaves a will when she’s still happily married to her husband. I usually only see it when she’s a widow or a divorcee. All the work you put in in your career, as a man, is hardly ever for yourself — more for your dependents. 

     “I don’t want any useless long-distance family members coming to claim what isn’t theirs.”

    — Danjuma*, 24

    I’m in total support of writing wills. Mostly because when I die, I don’t want any useless long-distance family members coming to claim what isn’t theirs in the name of “tradition.” When my dad died, I heard stories about a lot of this rubbish, and I’m not going to stress my family with that.

    RELATED: My Father’s Family Showed Us Hell After His Death

    “I already have my lawyers. Once I start acquiring assets, I’ll begin writing my will”

    — Tobi*, 26

    Writing a will is something that crosses my mind quite often. In fact, I already have my lawyers. Once I start acquiring assets, the writing begins. I learnt the importance of having a will from my friend’s dad. He once told me the story of his grandfather, who was a wealthy man, but none of the wealth got to his family. His family lost everything they had when he died because there was no will. So his dad had to start from scratch. Their family went from receiving healthcare abroad to not being able to afford shoes for school. I’d never want to put my kids through that kind of thing. 

     “The reason why I work so hard is because I want to leave enough for my family behind when I die”

    — Ayo*, 22.

    I’ve never really thought wills until now. I’d say they seem cool on paper and in movies. They mostly do what they’re supposed to, right? Distribute your assets and wealth to whomever you love — sounds fun. But then it can also be really stressful. Personally, I’m trying to die empty, and that’s why I’d like to have a will. Also, I want things to be clear to everyone so that my family doesn’t fight. 

    I’ve thought about my life for the long term though. And the reason why I work so hard is because I want to leave enough for my family behind when I die. I want to build generational wealth so my family won’t have to work. 

    Sometimes, I think about my great-great-grandfather and I’m like, “Why didn’t that man just work hard, for fuck’s sake?” I don’t want anyone thinking that about me.

    “The drive to make money for me is not to leave behind, it’s to do what I can while I’m here”

    — James*, 34

    I’ll definitely have a will in the future. I think it’s important to have one. I’m an Igbo man; if I don’t have a will, my external family may come and try to claim things. Asides that, as a man, you’re more pressured to have one, because you’re the “breadwinner” of the family. As far as structure, men are the ones expected to have a will. The only time you hear conversations about women having wills is when it’s a single mum, a celebrity, or an extremely wealthy woman. 

    The drive to make money for me is not to leave behind, it’s to do what I can while I’m here. If you’re leaving assets behind, it’s for your immediate family — your wife and children. But I want to help everyone around me while I’m alive.

     ALSO READ: Who Do These 6 Married Nigerian Men Talk to When Times Get Rough?

    “Writing a will makes me think of death”

    —Anayo*, 39

    I know people say they don’t fear death, but I do, and writing a will makes me think of death. If God grants me good health, I’ll write one in my dying days, and everything’ll probably go to my wife and kids. But right now, I don’t like to think about it. 

    “It’s something you just have to do so the people you leave behind can have a soft landing.”

    — Tunji*, 27 

    I’ve thought about having to write a will sometime in the future. To be honest, I really don’t know what to expect. I’m not sure how that’s going to go, and I’m not exactly completely sure how I feel about it. But I guess it’s something you just have to do so the people you leave behind will have a soft landing. I think it’s a necessary thing — a show of love to your loved ones. You’re telling them, “I’m still with you, and this is how I’m going to support you.” 

    ALSO READ: 6 Things Nigerian Men Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Talk About

  • Red flags are everywhere when it comes to relationships and dating. Some people spot it on time and run away, but others either don’t see them or ignore the red flags until it’s too late. These Nigerian men are the latter: they spotted red flags early in their relationships and still stayed. 

    Now, they’re sharing their experiences. 

    “My girl flirting with other guys keeps me on my toes” 

    — Aliyu, 30 

    When I met my girlfriend, she was with another man. The way she kept flirting with me and laughing, I thought she was single. Long story short, I “stole” her from the other guy. Now that we’re together, she’s constantly flirting with every bearded guy she meets but honestly, it’s not a problem for me. 

    I thrive well in the face of competition. Knowing I’m dating a girl who can leave me anytime has put me on my toes. From the sex to the dates and how I treat her, I’m always looking to impress my girlfriend. We’ve been together for three years, so I guess it’s working. 

    “I’m learning to live with my girl’s shitty music taste” 

    — Daniel, 25

    My girlfriend’s favourite song is Harlem Shake. I don’t think I’ve met anyone with a worse taste in music than her. Bad music might not look like a red flag to other people, but music is an important part of my life — it’s how I try to figure out the world. 

    I’ve tried to put her on to good music, but she’s set in her ways, and now I have to spend the rest of my life listening to Pitbull and Paris Hilton. 

    “I think my girlfriend has a spiritual problem”

    — Fidelis, 28 

    There’s a popular trope about women never knowing what they want to eat, but my girlfriend is the worst. On our first date, this babe spent about 30 minutes with the waiter trying to figure out what she wanted to order. After all the serenre, she still ate from my plate. Ma’am, you’re just getting to know me!

    I ignored that red flag, and since we started dating, I don’t think this babe has confidently opened her mouth to order food. These days I order for both of us. If she doesn’t like it, she can soak garri or make Indomie. 

    RECOMMENDED: 9 Red Flags Women Absolutely Hate

    “I’m dating someone obsessed with Instagram likes”

    — Tobi, 39 

    I should’ve figured out my girlfriend was obsessed with social media when she deleted a picture we took together because of “lack of engagement”. As someone who generally doesn’t care for social media, I’ve always wondered why she went through so much trouble to win people’s approval, especially when she hasn’t met most of them. 

    We had a big fight about it and broke up about a year ago, but I realised my life without her was like eating plain white rice without any sauce. We’re back together, and I’m slowly learning to adapt to my life with her. 

    “My girlfriend is a thief, but I’m a thief too, so it’s fair” 

    — Hakeem, 24

    The first time I invited my girlfriend over to spend the night, she stole my hoodie and sweatpants. I didn’t take it seriously at the time because I know stealing men’s clothes is what women do. But every time this babe comes, she always takes one shirts — even my trousers! The annoying thing is, she doesn’t allow me to wear my own clothes after she’s worn them. 

    Because I refuse to be cheated, I’ve started using her skincare products too. If you can steal my Fear of God hoodie, I will use your Skinceutical Vitamin C face serum as a hand cream. The bible says an eye for an eye. 

    “My girlfriend is passive-aggressive” 

    — Ikenna, 33  

    The biggest problem in my relationship is that my girlfriend and I never fight. We don’t even argue. Whenever something goes wrong, she gives me the silent treatment. It has been like that since we started dating, but I thought it was because she didn’t know me then. Eight months into our relationship now and nothing has changed. 

    I love her so much, and I’ve spoken to her about seeing a therapist. Hopefully, she agrees. I don’t know how long I can use my love for her as a blanket over this huge character flaw. 

    ALSO READ: 4 People Tell Us About the Red Flag That Made Them End Their Relationships