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  • Just because you’ve met someone you like and vibe with doesn’t automatically mean you’re now dating them, but these signs definitely mean the feelings are mutual and you’re about to become a girlfriend.

    They’re unavailable

    They’re always ready to shout from the rooftops that they’re no longer looking for a special someone and have found all they’ll ever need in your arms.

    They start to speak French

    For some reason, when people like you, they start speaking French, saying things like “we” when talking about their baby, and broadcasting to the entire universe that they now have a cohort. If the chicken in your pack of small chops does this, congratulations—your single days are coming to an end.

    They remember everything you say

    Either they have a photographic memory or are down bad for you. Either way, the person you’re talking to remembering and hanging on to your every word is sweet, and they want you to be theirs so bad.

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    You can’t stop thinking about them

    Look at it this way: If you can’t stop thinking about them, chances are they can’t stop thinking about you.

    You’re a part of all their plans

    At this point, everyone thinks you and your baby are twins. They’re always thinking of you and involving you in all their plans—even the ones you don’t really care for. 

    They become extra sweet

    If they suddenly become sweet enough to induce diabetes, showering you with gifts and lovely gestures, you’re about to leave these muddy streets.

    They start talking about relationships

    You both could be talking about the fact that fuel is now ₦1,300, and they’ll manage to slip in what they want in a relationship and how you’re their perfect match.

    Ps: These signs could also mean they think you’re already their girlfriend, so stay vigilant.

  • Choose all that apply:

  • First of all, it’s hard to surprise a Nigerian woman because we know everything. But if you really want to plan something your Nigerian girlfriend would love and might actually catch her unaware, these tips will help.

    Tell her you’re planning a surprise for someone else

    Remember what I said about women knowing everything? She’ll definitely know something is up when you start making quiet phone calls and guarding your phone. You don’t want to wake the investigative journalist in her, so just tell her without telling her.

    Avoid her

    Of course, now, she might want all the details of the surprise you’re planning for someone else. You can’t keep that up, so the best bet is to avoid her. Just don’t do it for too long, or she might enter another relationship before you pull off the surprise.

    Tell her friends at least a week before the party

    Don’t worry, they won’t ruin the surprise. You need them to make sure she’s all dressed up and baddie-fied for the event. Trust me, no one wants to walk into a surprise with six-week-old braids.

    Make sure she doesn’t eat that day

    That’s where her friends come in. You want her to have space for all the food at the party. This one should be easy because many Nigerian women have a problem deciding what to eat anyway. 

    Say your ex will be present at the party

    Just tell her your ex will be present at this random party, and watch your babe literally dress to kill. Or fight you and dump your ass. What’s life without a little risk?

    Go all out on the decor

    Because she’ll need to take pictures for the gram. I know they say it’s the little things that count, but this one doesn’t fall under the little things. The venue has to be lit.

    Invite all her frienemies… then spray her money

    You know what’s better than sending your Nigerian girlfriend money? It’s giving her money in the presence of all her enemies. They need to know her man is an odogwu. If this is the only thing you get right with the surprise, you’ve done more than enough.

    Or propose

    Only do this in front of a big-ass crowd when you’re sure she wants to marry you sha. Because why choose to embarrass her like that in front of everyone?

    NEXT READ: It’s an Honour for Women to Steal Your Clothes. Here’s Why

  • You know your babe has been making arrangements to go to her village for the festive season, but here are some signs to know that she’ll be coming back with a husband. 

    She’s Igbo

    We’re sorry to break it to you, but your Igbo girlfriend telling you she’s going “home” for Christmas might as well be your invitation to her wedding. 

    She’s engaging more with wedding content online

    You’ve noticed that she’s liking and retweeting more threads about marriage on Twitter, she can’t go a day without reposting cute wedding videos on her IG and WhatsApp, and you still haven’t figured it out? She’s obviously jotting down taking tips for when she’s ready, which is going to be two months from now.

    She’s spending more time with you 

    With all the traffic and stress in Nigeria, she insists on spending most of her time with you. Ah! My brother, she’s trying to get the most of the little time you have left before she weds her real husband-to-be.

    She’s not spending time with you 

    Whenever you suggest you spend a weekend together now, she always says she’s busy. Yes, she’s definitely busy trying to forget you and move on with her life.

    She doesn’t get upset easily 

    Nigerian women don’t like peace. So when you start going two days without any fight, there’s something wrong. Our advice? Start mentally moving on because your relationship is nearing its end.

    She gets upset easily

    Any small thing you do, she picks offence. You’re now having a minimum of at least three fights a day? Can’t you see that she’s fed up with all your shit and already has plans to marry someone else?

    You’ve been dating for more than two years

    Two years is enough time to know if you will spend the rest of your life with a Nigerian woman. And if you’ve not started planning to see her people, what’s the point? She’s made up her mind to find someone that’s serious.

    All her close friends are married

    She’s getting invites to weddings every other week, and you haven’t thought to ask her how she feels about getting married? Your breakfast is going to be served buffet-style.

    READ NEXT: 6 Nigerian Women Share The Best Thing About Being Married 

  • You might be a girlfriend, but are you spoiled? This quiz will tell you if you’re a spoiled girlfriend or you’re spoiled but not a girlfriend.

    Find out:

  • 2021 is the year of seizing the bae. Therefore we’ve compiled a list of lines to comment with anytime your crush posts on social media. These lines are hundred percent guaranteed to make any Nigerian woman fall in love with you.

    1) “We bless God for God”

    This line works like magic because it shows that you not only appreciate beauty but you’re also God-fearing.

    2) “One time three gbosa for the two people wey born you”

    This line hits harder if you follow it with credit alert. Transaction description should be “Big fan of your mum and dad.”

    3) “TW: Beauty.”

    You have to warn people that something great is happening in front.

    4) “Ban us we’re your Trump”

    This line shows that you mean business and you’re a no nonsense toaster.

    5) “Inflate us we’re your Bitcoin”

    This line works like magic because it shows that you not only appreciate beauty but you’re also aware of current trends. Renaissance man lomo.

    6) “Your beauty is a manifestation of God’s ability to show off”

    You’ll follow this one by shedding a tear or two punctuated by intervals of silence that shows you’re taking in the beauty.

    7) “You’re fine like two people”

    After commenting, repeat this mantra in person up to five times so she knows you mean business. At random intervals just be shouting “see beauty.”

    8) “Bonjour Le Masi”

    Followed by “your beauty got me speaking a foreign language.”

    9) “My heart is the temple of unbelievers and you’re a prophet sent to scatter it”

    After using this line you can then use additional lines like “KPK” “OPP” to seal the deal.

    10) “Alexa, play Speechless by Michael Jackson”

    Because who else better to convey how the beauty makes you feel than MJ?

    Glossary:

    KPK – Ko por Ke?

    OPP – O por pa.

    First use unknown.

    For further reading on this topic, see here.

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  • If for any reason whatsoever, you need to end things with your Nigerian girlfriend (and I’m sure there are plenty of reasons. Nigerian women: I fear who no fear dem), I’ve compiled a list of handy excuses you can use to terminate your love affair with a Nigerian woman.

    If she touches your bald head

    This is clearly a sign that she does not respect you. Is she your mate? Break up with her.

    If she fries 4 eggs at a time

    This is a sign that she does not know how to manage resources. Break up with her.

    Your pastor said you should break up with her

    Who are you to go against the word of God? You can even use the following lines to make the process easier: “I love you but God loves me most” “It’s not you, it’s God.”

    toxic
    couple arguing

    If they only give you one meat.

    This is another sign of disrespect. Does she not know that you’re a red cap chief?

    If they eat out of your plate

    Growing up in Nigeria

    Personally, this is my favourite one because every single one of them are guilty of this. Break up with all of them.

    Your sugar mummy doesn’t like her

    You’re a benefit boy and you don’t want the benefits to stop, so you have to agree. Sorry to her.

    If she farts

    It smells like acid. Is she trying to kill you? Break up with her.

    Take this quiz: How Many Nigerian Banks Can You Name in 1 Minute??

  • If you date Nigerian women, you know that one way they show their love and appreciation for you is by giving you singlet and boxers for your birthday. What a thoughtful gift, isn’t it?

    It is your turn to return the favour and show how much you love and appreciate your Nigerian woman. We compiled a list of things women absolutely want to be bought. (Source: Bureau of Imaginary Statistics)

    1. Jar with 365 reasons why you love her.

    Love You Always Jar of Romantic Notes | KindNotes Unique Gifts

    Women don’t really want much. They just want to hear how much you love them. Why not write 365 reasons why you love her and put it in a jar. If you’re feeling nice, you can write it on coloured paper.

    2. Flowers

    Nigerian women love flowers. Just get her a bunch of flowers. No need to buy anything else.

    Can A Guy Still Catch A Girl By Writing Her Love Poems? - Romance ...

    3. Lipgloss

    I can assure you she doesn’t want too much. Just a lip gloss would do. If you’re feeling nice, make it two to show her how much you love her.

    Victoria Secret 5pcs Lip Gloss price from konga in Nigeria - Yaoota!

    4. Three months supply of sanitary pad

    Groceries :: TOILETRIES :: Always Ultra Sanitary Pad - 8 Pads (pink)

    We all know how tough periods can be. Why not eliminate some of her worries by buying her sanitary towels for her birthday? Best. Partner. Ever.

    5. Body Fantasies

    Body Fantasies Vanilla Fantasy Body Spray For Women 236ml ...

    This is for when you’re feeling ultra generous and you want to spoil her. She’s been a great girlfriend all year; it is time to reward her with this.

    6. Peace of mind

    Women love how to brag about how they don’t need to give their men anything because they give him peace of mind. How about you give them a taste? Gift them this peace of mind and call it a day. Till next year.

    Read this one: 5 Things To Do When You Get A Salary Increase.

  • In Nigeria being a single woman is very hard.

    Sometimes even harder than you might imagine.

    One minute you are a baby girl living your life, the next minute everyone is asking you ‘when will you marry?’

    When did this happen?

    In fact once you hit a certain age everyone from your gateman to your boss at work is advising you to go to Shiloh

    But what is your business?

    It doesn’t matter who you are and what you’ve achieved. The only important question is ‘why are you single?’

    “Oh you just won a Nobel Prize? Husband nko?”

    Before you know it all of your friends start to get married even the ones you thought were single pringles like you

    What a betrayed

    It doesn’t help that their married status seems to come with infinite wisdom and they take it upon themselves to cure the disease that is your singleness. 

    You better face your marriage

    Nowhere is safe. You go to church to worship your Lord God and Saviour, and some church aunty will ambush you about attending singles fellowship

    Did I say I was single and searching?

    When you even try to date the men act like they are doing you a favour. “You don’t know you are old abi, I’m just trying to epp your life”

    You are 40 and living with your parents epp your own life first.

    What of living alone as a single woman?

    You are living alone? And you are single? You must be an asewo

    Before you know it everyone is trying to hook you up, including your Aunty Yejide who has had 7 husbands

    Please don’t disturb me

    You’ve not even found bae but everyone keeps asking you “children nko”?

    Will they fall from heaven?

    And it’s not even like you had a problem being single you were perfectly fine but now you can help but wonder…

    Maybe I should go to the Shiloh

    At the end of the day it’s your life don’t let anyone disturb your peace of mind

    Enjoy your life

    So the next time someone should ask you when are you getting into a relationship, tell them…

    Please don’t let anybody stress your life.

    Meanwhile what’s your spec?

  • As we all know, some people can cheat for Africa.

    And even if their significant other gives them the world, they’ll still chook their wandering eyes outside to cheat.

    Then they’ll come back to tell you, “It’s in my DNA, I can’t help it”.

    Even if you catch them in the act, they’ll be like, “Baby, she’s my cousin’s nephew’s relation and we’re practicing acrobatic yoga”.

    This African American chic, Kourtney confronted her cheating ex, Leonard- who is basically the biggest demon we’ve ever seen- to ask why he cheated on her.

    And he kuku didn’t give any solid reason- just every unfaithful person.

    Kourtney, when Leonard said he cheated uncountable times.

    This was his face, all through the time she shed so much tears.

    Just watch the video and catch the full amebo abeg.

    Meanwhile, some chief officers of ‘Men are scum’ Twitter are already protesting this injustice.

    The Vice-President of the movement believes men can’t make heaven.

    Someone is even angry Kourtney didn’t get to beat him up.

    Relationship advice is just flying all over the place.

    We just thought to bring you this wonderful amebo jare. Are men just scum or do you think otherwise? Share your thoughts in the comments section.