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  • The streets are crazy, but every now and again, you find someone sensible that doesn’t make you want to count all the sand on Elegushi Beach. Someone that makes you temporarily forget that sporting waves is now ₦7,100, spaghetti is ₦1,400, and your country is the weapon fashioned against you.

    We’re not saying you’ve met them yet, but when you do, these are the first dates you should take them on.

    Traffic navigation

    You need to test if they can hold your hand through the tough and difficult situations and guide you right. The best way to do that is by finding the tightest gathering of cars and helping everyone find their way out.

    Play bus driver and conductor

    We don’t know how you’ll find a bus for free, but when you do, hop in there with your almost bae and be the bus driver to their conductor.  You’ll earn money, see the city you’re in and find out if their social skills are in the gutter.

    Plan a heist 

    It really depends on the city you’re in. A heist would be great, but a regular robbery works just as well. Send them into any money making establishment of your choosing and stay right outside as their get away driver. You’ll show them how trustworthy you are and that your driving skills aren’t shit.

    RECOMMENDED: Budget Date Ideas According to the Alphabet 

    Spend the day in court

    You could watch trials and figure out which crimes you would get away with and why, or you could stand outside and give people unsolicited advice on how they can get their loved ones out of the kasala they’ve fallen into.

    Go to random construction sites 

    If you love art or you’re a very judgemental person, take your almost bae to a random construction site and critique everything, from the shape of the house, to the cement being used, to the way the workers are moving the materials.

    Follow cars around 

    If you have a car and enough fuel in it, get in there with the unfortunate soul that has fallen into your trap and just follow cars around. You’ll get to see what weird shit people get up to, or someone will get down from their car and ask you why you’re being a creep. Either way, you’ll both have an experience.

    Go to a wedding

    We suggest you attend a random one, where neither you or your date know the bride and groom, sit at the back and yell, “I object” when it’s time. You’ll add a lovely spark to people’s special day and possibly get your ass handed to you.

    Sip and paint

    Find a building that is already being painted and ask the painters if they’ll give you a section to work on. They might say no, but if they say yes, buy sachet gin, get into your most dispensable clothes and start working.

    Late night walks

    We suggest you only do this if you’ve spoken to potential bae long enough that you trust each other. Wake up at 11:50 p.m, get into your car, drive to your closest cemetery, wait till 2:50 a.m andjust walk around. Bonus points to your date if they caress the headstones while they walk.

    Go to the hospital

    Think of it like an excursion. Go to the hospital, sit in the waiting area and simply guess why everyone’s there. It’ll show how smart your date is and if you’re in safe hands.

  • If your mental health is not as strong as you wish, there are people in certain professions you should avoid entering relationships with. They’ll stress you, increase your blood pressure, and you’ll end up in a psychiatric hospital. 

    Since we care about your mental health, here’s a list of such people so you can avoid them. 

    Actors 

    If your mental health do usually have comma and the occasional full stop, don’t bother with an actor. Why? Overthinking will nearly kill you. You want to date someone who can cry on demand? LMAO. If you think you can handle it, your brain will show you something. 

    Zikoko writers 

    Writers are bad enough, but dating a Zikoko writer? You clearly don’t enjoy life or want peace. Not only is everything content for them, but they never have your time. They’re too busy resting from the havoc they’ve caused or plotting to constitute a nuisance. If you’re still doubting, ask yourself, “How many Zikoko writers are in long-term committed relationships?” Exactly. 

    RELATED: 11 Reasons Why You Should Never Date a Creative

    Customer care reps 

    They’re like actors, but somehow worse. They’d be talking politely to a customer on the phone and have the most ridiculous facial reactions. How are you sure that’s not how they act when you call them? They’re pros at making their voice neutral even when they want to kill you. It’s too much, abeg. 

    Personal trainer 

    They’ll be a bit too concerned with their own body. You’ll be dating someone who thinks a good date idea is jogging along the Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge. That’s enough to make you more unstable than you already are. 

    RELATED: Pros and Cons of Dating a Gym Bro

    CEOs

    Capitalist propagators don’t care about their own selves, and you think you’re worth it to them? You’ll tell them you’re having a mental breakdown; they’ll say it’s because you don’t wake up at 5 a.m. to seize the day. Better choose yourself. 

    Instagram vendors 

    Have all the “what you ordered vs what you got” trends on social media taught you nothing? If not, let us help you. Instagram vendors will promise you one thing and give you something else. You’re too unstable to be dealing with people who’ll only breadcrumb and love-bomb you. 

    Delivery people

    They’ll give you high blood pressure with constant calls to ask you unnecessary questions. Plus, even though their jobs require them to, they never actually know how to get anywhere. Is that someone you want to lead a relationship? 

    HR

    You’ll think because their job revolves around people, they’ll know how to actually treat a partner well. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. They’re like military dictators, and you can never rest when they’re around. Do you think they grant mental health days to their coworkers? The answer is no. 

    Tailor

    Their entire job revolves around making false promises. It’s their MO. Why will you date a tailor when you don’t have the mental fortitude for such behaviour? Plus, they’re always dodging customers. Can your anxiety handle that? 

    Politician

    As if your life is not hard enough, you want to be with someone who receives curses on a daily basis? Mental health that you’re managing, someone will use swear to reverse. Abeg. 

    RELATED: Dear Millennials for Your Own Sake Don’t Date People With These Jobs

  • We know what anime villain is your perfect alter ego based on the choices you make while planning the perfect date.


  • Going on dates in Nigeria can be an extreme sport. From worrying about being catfished to picking out what to wear or a place to go. But have you ever gone above your budget and had to choose between washing plates and trekking home? 

    Here are eight things you can do to save yourself if that happens.

    Get Arrested

    This is the only time when “Police is your friend” becomes a true claim. If you have a friend who’s a policeman, this is the time to call them to come to your rescue.

    Start a fight

    As wise men say: “Chaos is a ladder.” Just start a fight for no reason and get thrown out for free. Slap someone out of the blue or spill a drink on someone’s shirt.

    Blame the restaurant’s food

    You can just get up in anger and start complaining about how the rice tastes like fermented goat milk. Make sure your voice is loud enough that everyone hears it and the restaurant staff tries to calm you down. Then, you can leave in anger without paying a kobo.

    RELATED: 7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Date Stories

    Confess that you’re married

    If you don’t drive a Sienna, It’s probably hard to pull this off but you can do it. Just keep a makeshift ring close by that can help you lie about being married with 3 kids.

    Fake a heart attack

    This will probably land you in a hospital and taking drugs you don’t need, but at least you won’t be in a restaurant kitchen washing plates.

    Just ask to split the bill

    It may not be as bad as you think. If the date goes higher than you can afford, just ask them to split the bill with you. They’ll probably appreciate the honesty.

    Confess on Twitter before you get called out

    Even though your date is happening in one tiny corner of a restaurant in Lagos, don’t be surprised if you get home to see three thousand people tweeting about it already. The best way to get ahead is to out yourself in public before anyone does it for you.

    Call your friends for help

    A quick SOS to your friends’ WhatsApp group can save your life. Just make sure the restaurant hasn’t already seized your phone before you get to this point.

    ALSO READ: 5 Dates For 5k: Ideas That Don’t Break The Bank

  • Dates can be super expensive, and sometimes money is being saved for other things. That’s why we created a list of six fun and cheap activities you can do with your partner. 

    Cook together 

    Both of you should go to the market and buy ingredients to cook your favourite meals. That way, you learn how to make something your partner adores in the way they love it, and you don’t have to buy food that day. Play some music while in the kitchen and have an impromptu karaoke session with plantain as your microphone. 

    RELATED: 12 Food Questions to Ask Your Prospective Partner

    Help your partner move 

    A moving date can be many things, from helping them repaint the walls to arranging the furniture. You find things in their boxes that allow you learn new things about them. If your partner’s love language is acts of service? They’d enjoy this even more.

    Bind and cast your enemies 

    If your partner cares about you, they’d ensure your enemies are no longer after you. That’s why binding and casting dates are essential. You help each other secure your futures while keeping your enemies at bay. 

    Reading date 

    You can either read each other’s favourite book or pick a new book to read. When something ridiculous happens, you can share your excitement with them. Once you’re done reading, you both can talk about the book. 

    RELATED: 9 Green Flags to Look Out for in a Partner

    Puzzles

    Buy two identical puzzles and set a timer. Whoever finishes first wins. It’s healthy competition, and a prize can even be attached. Puzzles aren’t that expensive, and as you both try to sabotage each other, you’ll get a few laughs out of the situation or even declare war. The choice is yours.

    Scary movie night 

    Buy like 5 GB of data and bingewatch a bunch of scary movies neither of you has seen. The twist is that you both try to predict the characters that’ll survive and which ones will die. The movies are less scary this way, and you find yourself rooting for certain characters. 

    RELATED: 6 Ways to Choose the Perfect Partner From a Long List of Options 

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

  • Since true love is hard to find this Valentine’s season, we’ve decided to assist you by opening up a celebrity relationship just for for you.

  • Wondering how much you should spend on a date? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you:

  • You should be cultured on any date, talk more of a first date. Just know you don’t deserve to go on another date if you do these things.

    Select all the things you do on a first date:

  • Here are seven different ways to make the Nigerian girl you like fall for you.

    1) Words of affirmation

    To make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you, you need to give her bank account some words of affirmation. The best kinds of words of affirmation come in the form of a credit alert. Credit alerts are words and numbers that show you care. It is impossible to make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you without mastering this art.

    how to make a girl fall for you

    2) Be a Proverbs 31 man

    To make a Nigerian woman fall for you, you have to be the ideal man she wants. The ideal man for Nigerian girls is the Proverbs 31 man.

    how to make a girl fall for you
    a Proverbs 31 man and his Queen

    3) Cook for them

    The way to the heart is to the stomach. To make a true Nigerian woman fall for you, you need to also buy her food. They don’t need much. Maybe seafood pasta and some fries.

    woman sitting on man's lap, eating food how to make a girl fall for you
    Look at how romantic

    4) Buy them shoes

    What better way to show a Nigerian woman you love them than to support their fashion habits? Buy them a pair of those Jesus sandals to prove that you not only love her but have created a judgement-free zone for her to be her true self.

    a pair of brown sandals

    5) Set leg for her so she can fall

    Sometimes for a woman to fall for you, you have to make her physically fall. When the body has fallen down, so will the heart.

    Paw paw thinking in 5g how to make a girl fall for you
    Think about it

    6) Challenge her to a running competition while she has heels on

    The heels Nigerian women wear are definitely not for running. The square corners are good for killing cockroaches, but never for running. That’s why when she has them on, you should race her. She will fall.

    Funke Akindele running

    7) Take her for an anointing service

    By the time they sprinkle holy water and oil on her, she will fall under the anointing and into your arms.

    woman in white garment holding a candle how to make a girl fall for you

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    how to make a girl fall for you

    how to make a girl fall for you

    how to make a girl fall for you