1. When all your mates start developing and you’re still there looking like someone in primary 3:
How can I be looking like my classmate’s junior sibling?
2. How you beg God for puberty to slap you every day:
“FATHER FATHER EHHHHH!”
3. When you wear pencil dresses and look like an ironing board:
Na wa oh!
4. When your juniors have started developing but your own puberty is still loading:
What kind of shame is this?
5. When your mates are complaining about period pains and you join them like you know:
Lie Lie!
6. When your mates have moved to underwire bra but you are still wearing singlet:
One day sha, one day!
7. You researching “foods” that make you develop:
“Beans + pomo = developed body. Abi that’s what they said?”
8. When you hear of “one miracle cream” that will make your hips and breasts grow:
Woooooow!
9. When you consider gaining weight so the fat will at least make you look like something is happening:
How much fat will make sure I wear a bra?
10. When your mother wonders where all the tissue is going and you know the answer to that is your “bra”:
Oops!
11. When you have to change in front of people and your tissue-enhanced assets will be exposed:
I am done for oh!
12. When your own puberty finally starts and it is speeding away:
YASSSSSS
13. When your crush that used to ignore you now suddenly has your time:
My friend you better leave here!
14. When the puberty you were looking for will now not stop:
HAY GOD!
1. THIS BOOK:
The stress was real.
2. You, halfway into every single Yoruba class:
No time.
3. When you see Yoruba class for double period on the timetable.
Who did we offend?
4. You, during Yoruba class pretending you understand what is happening.
Can this period end?
5. When the Yoruba teacher picks you to read a passage for the class.
Hay God!
6. When your Yoruba teacher tells you to translate a poem from English to Yoruba.
Do you mean me well?
7. When the invigilator gives you the question paper but you have already finished shading your obj sheet.
The power of guessing.
8. How the students who can’t speak Yoruba see the exam questions:
What is this?
9. When your teacher separates you from all your Yoruba friends.
Is it fair?
10. When someone asks for extra sheet during Yoruba exam.
Who is this one?
11. When you just write Yoruba song lyrics for your essay and submit.
“Gongo Aso kutupu awu…”
12. You, mixing Yoruba and English during your exam like:
I’ve tried, abeg.
13. When you managed to know the Yoruba word, but you still fail because of wrong intonation marks.
Are you not evil?
14. You, after every Yoruba exam:
You already know you have banged.
The comedy series titled ‘African Booty Scratcher’ is about how Nigerian immigrant parents, Tunde and Ann, try to teach their son, Ayo, Nigerian values.
It was created by filmmaker and screenwriter, Damilare Sonoiki, one of the writers of Emmy nominated series, Blackish.
Damilare chose the slur “African Booty Scratcher” commonly used by African Americans to describe African immigrants.
Ayo’s parents remind us of our Jollof rice-loving, prayer warrior parents who scolded us for getting anything that wasn’t an A.
If you like your grilled chicken with a little something on the side, this dish is for you. Kachumbari is Kenyan onion and tomato salad seasoned with salt and pepper.
Kienyeji Chicken are locally bred Kenyan chickens that have not been fed with commercially produced chicken feed. Kienyeji Chicken stew is prepared specially because of the tough nature of the meat.
The most important factors the report considered where the GDP per capita, life expectancy, social support, trust in government, generousity and freedom to make life decisions.
Out of the 157 countries ranked, only 7 African countries were in the top 100 in the World Happiness Report.
Algeria and Mauritius topped the African list, globally ranking 38 and 66 respectively..
Even in the face of social unrest, countries like Libya and Somalia are the 3rd and 4th happiest African countries ranking 66 and 67 consecutively worldwide.
Nigeria was ranked as the 8th happiest country in Africa, behind Morocco, Somaliland and Tunisia.
Nigeria was placed globally at the 103rd position in light of the relevance of GDP per Capita and social support in the country. The report shows that Nigerian’s aren’t necessarily bothered by freedom to make life choices.
Zambia and Sierra Leone came 9th and 10th due to strong social support system and freedom to make life choices.
Unfortunately, several African countries such as Madagascar, Tanzania, Rwanda and Liberia dominated the bottom of the list with Togo and Burundi ranking below Afghanistan and Syria respectively.
This report goes to show a slight glimpse of the state of some African countries in the continent.
However, Nigerian writer, Yomi Kazeem doesn’t necessarily believe this is a bad thing. He is of the opinion that many more young Africans have stopped overlooking and making light of the issues that plague their countries and have started speaking out on every medium they can access.
Sticks and stones in form of erratic supply of electricity, depressing exchange rates, looting of government funds and fuel scarcity don’t break Nigerians. Rather than get outraged, Nigerians remain one of the happiest group of people in the world. What they cannot stand however, is hearing a foreigner speaking ill of their beloved country.
This Ghanaian Twitter user found the recipe to really upset Nigerians. She said how she really felt about them.
Nigerians are the only people who like Nigerians, y’all fuck like rabbits so there’s so many of you, the world can’t say shit.
Africa as a continent is steps behind all other continents in term of development. Rather than bash other countries, hands should be placed on deck to finally place our continent at the same pace and time with others.
Also Nigerians should use this outrage as a drive to fix some of the things wrong with the country.
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades…But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you
A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents
Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser
Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)
Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system
Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier
Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent:“My name is Babatunde Johnson.”African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves
Because… haba..
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school
Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?”
You:*Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head ?*
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’
Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends
Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer
For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer
Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant
Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service
Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!
15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes
Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term
Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African
Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa.
Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation.
We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
So respected veteran actress of the Hollywood industry made a really controversial statement recently, when she was in Berlin heading up her first international film jury.
When she was asked if she was familiar with world cinema, particularly films from Africa and the Middle East, she said she had recently seen the Jordanian film “Theeb,” about a Bedouin boy on a hazardous mission in the desert, and also “Timbuktu,” about Islamist militants taking over the fabled Malian city.
But what really caught everyone’s attention was:
The thing that I notice is that there is a core of humanity that travels right through every culture. And after all, we’re all from Africa originally, you know. We’re all Berliners; we’re all Africans, really.
This statement followed an uproar over the all-white Oscar acting nominee selection for a second straight year. The brouhaha forced the movie industry to confront how blacks, Asians and Latinos are represented in Hollywood.
It later came to light that Meryl Streep’s “We’re all Africans, really” comment was a direct response to a question about Arab and African films, not a response to questions about the Film Festival’s all white jury, as originally suggested.
But according to science, we really are all Africans, so even if she was taken out of context, she’s might still be right.
Watch the video below:
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Featured image via The Daily Beast.
