The Streets Is a Terrible Place — and It’s Partly Your Fault

August 11, 2022

Every two market days, you read or watch videos of people complaining about the terrible dating scene. Everyone is disappointed they’re not being treated right. Yes, it’s annoying to put yourself out there repeatedly without getting the love you’re looking for. If everyone’s complaining, then who’re the people giving the streets a bad rep? Maybe we should start taking responsibility for the part we play in polluting the streets? 

Game, set, match

A relationship is not a game. There’s no winner or set prize for whoever comes out of it unscathed. So, why do you treat it as one? Why do you calculate how many hours before you text or what to post on your story? Why are you so obsessed with playing people before you get played? 

This game you’ve decided to play involves real people with real feelings and emotions. You’re choosing not to do too much, so the other party doesn’t think you‘re down bad, but why are you so afraid of someone knowing you care? If you think they will manipulate whatever emotions you feel for them, isn’t that a sign that you shouldn’t even be dealing with them in the first place? Just stay on your own and navigate life. Why stress another person’s child? 

Do you know the past affects the present

You’re trying to justify playing the “game” by stating how hurt you’ve been in the past. People have broken your heart, taken advantage of your kindness, made you feel less than you are, and that’s terrible. But until you’ve fully processed what happened to you and healed from it, it will affect every single relationship you try to enter. You will project actions and thoughts onto someone who has not even had the chance to declare their true intentions. It’s giving self-sabotage. 

The carry-on luggage 

This is someone you don’t like or even see a relationship with them happening, but you like the attention they give you. You like that you’re important to someone, but they’re not that important to you; so, you carry them along because it makes you feel special. Drop it. 

You’re doing just enough to keep the person interested but not precisely what they need. It’s a cruel thing to do because nobody wants to be a second option. You don’t like when it’s done to you, so why are you doing it to someone else? Then when you eventually get tired of them — or they realise their self-worth — you’ve left someone broken, and that person will, in turn, break someone else. 

RELATED: How to Know You’re Being Breadcrumbed 

Communication, comprehension, and grace 

You don’t talk about your feelings or how you wish to be cared for because you’re scared. You’re too hot-headed to listen to what your partner is saying because you’ve jumped to conclusions already. And you refuse to extend grace to the people you’re trying to get into a relationship with, just because they made one mistake. 

Nobody’s perfect, especially not you. So why are you expecting perfection from someone trying their best with you? Sure some things shouldn’t be forgiven — any form of abuse is unacceptable, for example. But if your partner has not spoken to you all day, there could be a million reasons why. Try to find out,  and if you don’t think the answer is good enough, then you can address it and work from there. Don’t just jump into assumptions.

You’re not the only prize 

A lot of people enter into relationships thinking they’re the prize. Yes, you are, and you should never think you’re not. However, in relationships, there’s more than one prize. In as much as you want to be wined and dined, you have to put in the work as well. When did you last buy  a gift for the person you’re doing talking stage with? When last did you send them a cute note on how much they mean to you? Are you putting as much effort as you demand?. 

You’re too scared to jump 

Falling in love is like jumping from a high place and hoping the person you’ve fallen in love with catches you. The place isn’t high enough to kill you, but may leave you bruised or broken. But you don’t want to jump. You’re too scared of being hurt, but you forget it’s a 50:50 chance. What if you get caught? 

At the end of the day, you need to stop putting yourself in situations where you aren’t ready to commit. If there’s too much doubt in your heart, stay away from people for a while and work out why you can’t seem to trust anyone. 

Maybe if we all took time to work on ourselves, we’d treat each other with a little more kindness, and the streets wouldn’t be as bad as it currently is. 

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

More from Ships

September 22, 2022

The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Jaymes*(23) and Seyi*(20), a polyamorous couple who got together five days after they started talking. Since then, they’ve had to deal with one of them being outed as queer, navigating multiple relationships and the jealousy it comes with. 

September 20, 2022

If your partner spent so much time in your home that it felt like they lived there, moving on can be tougher. So what happens when you can’t afford to move out to move on from the memories of your partner? 7 Nigerians who’ve been heartbroken shared their experience.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X