Sex Life: Meeting My Husband Changed Everything

March 6, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman who says she met the love of her life while whoring through Lagos. She talks about ditching all her fuck buddies for him, and their penchant for adventure.

What was your first sexual experience?

I think I was six in Primary 1. One of my classmates, a girl, followed me into the bathroom when I went to pee, and she just kissed me. That was my first kiss, and I was very confused. 

What happened after that?

A lot of assault. When I was seven, an uncle came to live with us. He would come into my room at night and do different things to me. This continued for about five or six years. He finally moved away when I was 12.

Masturbation was one of the ways I coped with the assault — I discovered it when I was about 10. Looking back, I realise it was more about stress relief for me than pleasure. I don’t think I even understood the concept of pleasure at the time. 

I’m so sorry. When was your first consensual experience?

I was 12 or 13 in JSS 3, and I kissed this guy I had a crush on. 

Nice. How was that?

LMAO. The kissed sucked ass. He didn’t actually like me; he liked my best friend, but I always do the most when I have a crush. I would do his homework for him and stuff like that. I think he ended up kissing me out of pity. 

Immediately he did it, I realised I didn’t want pity kisses ever again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, we got caught by seniors while we were kissing, and they kept teasing us. It was embarrassing. 

Yikes. Did you kiss again?

Nah. The aftermath was even more dramatic. His siblings found out about the kiss, and one by one, they all came to harass me, warning me to never go near their brother again. His elder sister said I was trying to make him a slut like I was.

Back then, I was known as the school ashewo even though I’d never done anything — you know how slut-shaming works. The whole drama turned me off him, so we never kissed again. 

Honestly, secondary school wasn’t it for me at all. I didn’t have a good time. 

That sounds awful. When did you have sex for the first time?

I was 20, in a university abroad, when the guy I was seeing was finally able to convince me to try sex. Before that, I had only been making out and giving blowjobs. That was initially the most I was willing to do. I really wanted sex to be on my own terms. 

How was the sex though?

It wasn’t memorable. I loved him, so it made sense for him to be my first. I don’t think I was looking for something memorable at the time. I just wanted my introduction to sex to be as gentle, loving, slow, patient and safe as possible. He gave me that.

Then after we were done, I avoided him for like a month. 

Ah. Why?

I knew he wanted a relationship. I loved him, but I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship. He finally caught me and convinced me to give us an actual shot. We were together for about a year.

Did the sex get more memorable in the relationship?

It got better. I liked having sex with him, but he wasn’t as into having sex with me. I threw myself into sex because I was just discovering it and really liked it, but he thought I was too into it. All that judgement ended up affecting our relationship.

What happened after him?

I had a lot of casual sex, trying to figure out what I liked. Then I entered my second serious relationship. The sex was mid because he wasn’t dedicated to pleasing me. My sex life wasn’t anything to write home about until I moved back to Lagos. 

Oh? What happened when you moved back?

I wasn’t seeing my spec while schooling abroad, but Lagos has my spec everywhere. I had just broken up with my second boyfriend, so immediately I landed, I experimented and did whatever I wanted.

I was literally whoring my way through town, and that’s how I met the love of my life. 

LMAO. What? How did that happen?

I used to sleep with his friend, but it was very casual — I didn’t want more at the time, and he was already in a relationship. His friend told him about me, and I guess he was intrigued because he followed me on Twitter.

After a few months, he entered my DMs. We chatted for a bit, exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone for hours. Three days after our first phone call, I drove all the way to his house, and we had sex. 

How was the sex?

It was very, very good. I had been having sex with other people — I had a hoetation — but as soon as we had sex for the first time, I ended it with all my men. I had finally found what I’d been looking for. 

Wow. You were that sure?

Yup. The one thing that stood out to me about the sex was how attentive he was. He is a very good listener, and out of all the people I’ve been with, I think he is the best listener. So, I knew I could sleep with him for the rest of my life.

We got married a little over a year after we met. 

What has married sex been like?

It’s basically the same for us. Things only changed when we had kids. I really struggled with my sex drive, and that affected our sex life. He was patient and understanding during this time. He kept reassuring me that there was nothing wrong with me.

Thankfully, my sex drive eventually returned with a rush. Now, we are back to the way we were before. We have sex very often, and it somehow feels better than it was in the beginning. I guess it’s because we know our bodies better.

Have you tried anything to spice things up?

LMAO. To be honest, I don’t even know what spicing up a marriage means, but we’ve always been pretty sexually adventurous — we are up to try anything at least once. A while ago, we had a threesome with another guy, and I absolutely hated it. 

Why did you hate it?

I wasn’t having that much fun, but the guy seemed to be having the time of his life. It was annoying. My sex drive was still low at the time, so I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. With my sex drive back up, we decided to try a threesome again.

How did it go the second time around?

It was still so mid. I actually caught my husband rolling his eye in the middle of it. Then when the guy left, and it was just the two of us, it was fantastic. I was like, “Yeah, maybe we should just stick to each other from now on.”

I can’t believe we are so compatible that it affects how we relate sexually with others.

So, no more group sex for you and your husband?

I don’t think so. I mean, there’s one couple we want to fuck. If they agree, then yes.

Fingers crossed then. What would you like your sex life to look like down the line?

I love how it is now, so I’d like more of the same, just with less fear and attachment to past trauma. Sometimes, it’s difficult to talk about the things I want to try with my husband because of how much assault clouds my sexual interactions. 

If I can move past that, I think it would be great for both of us.

How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

I would rate it a 10. We were made for each other. 

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

August 2, 2021

Parents might have been the ones that birthed us, but that does not mean everyone likes theirs. 6 Nigerians tell us why they don’t like their parents. Sarah, 18 I don’t like my parents because of all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve gone through with them over the years. Some might see it as […]

April 24, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old asexual Nigerian woman who has only ever had penetrative sex twice. She talks about discovering her asexuality after years of being uninterested in sex and how she’s lucky to have married someone who feels the same way about sex as she does.


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

More from Ships

May 21, 2022

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

May 17, 2022

Breadcrumbing is the unfair practice of giving just enough attention and affection to someone who cares about you to keep them interested. We rounded up a list of things to look out for in a potential love interest to avoid being breadcrumbed.


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.