Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 23-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks to us about wanting the perfect first kiss, letting go of purity culture and how she regrets not squirting the first time she felt the urge to.
TW: Sexual assault
What was your first sexual experience?
I masturbated for the first time in 2020.
Before this, I’d never really paid attention to my sexual urges. I come from a very religious home. For context, I have an uncle that’s a priest and an aunt that’s a reverend sister. That’s how religious we are.
My parents were liberal on certain things but sex was the one thing we were told not to try. You had to keep yourself clean and pure until your wedding night. For the most part, I stuck to this. While my secondary school friends snuck off to the labs to make out, I stayed out of it.
Sometime in 2020, I started following more people on Twitter who, like me, had abandoned a lot of this thinking around purity culture, sex and sexuality. I told myself it was time I tried some of the things I saw them recommend in their tweets. So I started with touching myself.
And how was that?
It felt really weird. It took time for me to get used to touching myself. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it but it took some getting used to. It felt good to finally try out something sexual but I didn’t try anything sexual with anyone just yet.
I wanted my first kiss to be perfect. Under the night sky or in a cinema. Something outrageously romantic, like in the movies.
I loved reading books and watching movies growing up and I really wanted what I saw on the screen so a part of me decided to wait till I had that. So even after I ditched a lot of the religious reasons behind my avoiding sexual things, I still wanted the perfect time with the perfect person.
Unfortunately, that never happened.
My first kiss happened this year on the same night I had penetrative sex for the first time. It was sometime in March 2021 and I had returned to my city after travelling. It was late so I had to spend a night at my friend’s house. I knew he liked me and was attracted to me but I really wasn’t attracted to him at all. I just saw him as a friend and he was older by like 16 years.
I’m so sorry about that.
He didn’t force me or anything but I just felt like I couldn’t say no to him. And what made it even worse for my first time was that he wasn’t gentle at all.
After it happened I just remember feeling very guilty and impure. It was such a terrible feeling. It tainted sex for me because on the one hand I just kept regretting having sex with him and on the other, I wondered “Is this sex? Is this what everyone makes noise about?”
I’m glad I got a chance to try sex again with a friend who lived in the same city as me. We hung out a lot and I started to like him. One day he texted and told me he was coming to mine and I told him to bring condoms.
And how was it for you?
Sex this time was really really good. I enjoyed it so much. He was so gentle with me. He took everything slowly and kept asking me questions. He took his time and made sure he was pleasuring me and that I was enjoying myself.
But I really regret not squirting that first time.
Ah. Why didn’t you?
While we were going at it, I started to feel like I was going to squirt — or pee, the same thing really. I told him I had to go pee and he told me to do it there. In my head I was confused. Why did this man want me to pee on my own bed? I rushed to the bathroom and I peed.
I really wish I hadn’t peed because since then I don’t think I’ve experienced anything close to that feeling and I would like to experience it again.
It seems this fellow sabi the work
Yes! It really felt like pleasuring me was his life’s goal. There was always ample foreplay, He would finger me till my legs quaked and eat me out till I couldn’t feel my legs.
Wow. God when?
Lol. I loved teasing him. I was new to sex but I was in my bag when it came to blow jobs. And it’s even funnier because I’d actually searched “How to give blowjobs” on YouTube. Didn’t really get a lot of good answers so clearly, this babe is a natural.
He always indulged me as well. I have this fantasy of having sex in an office and he made it happen for me. He invited me over around 6 p.m. when most people had left.
I’m noticing a lot of past tense. You guys not seeing each other anymore?
No, we’re not. I had to move from that city and so that had to end. But I’m really glad we got to explore so many things. I was comfortable enough to laugh with him in bed about anything from farts to queefs.
So how would you rate your sex life over 10?
4/10. I’m celibate right now. There’s so much that I want to do but I don’t think I want to date in the city I’m in right now. I should be moving to another city in the new year and maybe then I’ll meet new people.