Tiri gbosa for whoever came up with the concept of the talking stage  Apart from the Nigerian government, that sunken place is the only other thing that has succeeded in making my life a semi-living hell.

From revelling in the late-night phone calls to realising that you’ve wasted your time, energy, and resources on something that’s going nowhere. Nothing is more humbling.

Here are all five stages of the place where love dies talking stage:

The meeting

You meet a random individual on the side of the street, in a bar, on a bus, or while slaving away to capitalism. They smile or make you laugh, and you’re convinced you’ve met the love of your life, the apple of your eyes, and the one you’ll wake up to pound yam for at 4 a.m..

The actual talking stage

This is where the talking happens and where the talking stage should naturally end and progress into better, more fruitful endeavours, like the actual relationship. But your village people have seen your happiness in their calabash and they don’t like it. So, after a month of giggling in the middle of the night and taking them with you everywhere via video calls, your feeling grows into something more. Not love nor lust, but a secret third thing.

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The obsession

At this point, you’ve spoken to them so many times you hear their voice in your dream. You can even draw their face from memory. More importantly, the little voice in your head that told you they’re your soulmate when you first methas become louder.

The realisation

Congratulations, you’ve hit the six-month mark of tomfoolery.Now, you know everything about your partner in iberibeism; their likes and dislikes; their aunty in the village who is always crossing her boundary. But the thing is, you’re beginning to wonder, “What TF are we?”


The ghosting

In true “they can not see me finish fashion”, you start dropping hints and subs for your partner in foolishness to catch. 

Sadly,this is where the bus comes to a stop and releases both of you from the madness.  One of you will realise that nothing will ever come from this and ghost yourselves. This chapter of your love story has now come to a close. For how long? Only time would tell. 



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