If there’s one thing men will do, it’s stain your white. While real-life Nigerian men get dragged all the time, I think the worst type are the ones we’ve seen in Netflix Nollywood movies. For anyone who thinks I’m exaggerating, let’s do a quick rundown of some of these men to educate you.
Ruslaan Mumtaz as Raj in Namaste Wahala
Crime: Raj didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t stand the fact that Namaste Wahala exists, so I’ll drag it any chance I get. I’m sorry, you can’t beat me.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: This man couldn’t stand up to his mother to protect the woman he loves. Does Prince Harry have two heads? It’s hard to fall for a mama’s boy, so Raj’s game is non-existent.
Timini Egbuson as Nonso in Dinner At My Place
Crime: He was stupid enough to allow his ex-girlfriend to crash the proposal he planned for his new girlfriend. I’d understand if the proposal was in a public place. But, sir, in your house? And she even swallowed the engagement ring.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Yeah, it’s clear Nonso can’t keep a home. I don’t see a man who puts an engagement ring in food having enough game to seduce anyone. I just don’t see it.
Tobi Bakre as Andy in Sugar Rush
Crime: Stealing money from his ex and making her chase him around Lagos for it. Yes, I know she stole the money too, but I’ll always support women’s rights and wrongs, so let’s focus on Andy.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: He looks like he’s just good for fornication, so as long as your legs are closed, you’ll be safe.
Akah Nnani as Samuel in Man of God
Crime: Being a fake pastor who cheated on his Mummy G.O with multiple women, including the ex who left him for another man.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: This man rebranded from discount Fela Kuti to discount Chris Okotie with nary a game in sight. We’ll be fine.
Kenneth Okolie as Deji in The Royal Hibiscus Hotel
Crime: Making the daughter of the owner of the hotel he’s about to buy and destroy fall in love with him. And yes, he made her fall in love with him by answering the door shirtless and being super tall. Why couldn’t he throw on a shirt or something? Very whorish behaviour if you ask me.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Hmmm. Anyone who’s seen that shirtless scene knows that the mind might be strong, but the flesh is weak.
Swanky JKA as Nnamdi in Living in Bondage: Breaking Free
Crime: Dating when he knows he owes his cult a human head. Why couldn’t he remain single? This man dragged an innocent babe into his Tony Umez mess because of love. Eww.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: An Igbo man with a sweet mouth? RIP to whoever falls victim.
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Joseph Benjamin as Osaze in Isoken
Crime: Being a self-absorbed boyfriend who tries to change his girlfriend, knowing full well she’s a grown woman with agency over her life. That’s just douchebag behaviour.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Osaze might be a trash boyfriend, but he’s sleek, fine and has connections. Yes, we might lose small focus. Just small sha.
Chris Attoh as Umar in Flower Girl
Crime: Breaking up with his girlfriend after promising to propose to her as soon as he gets promoted. This babe was already planning their wedding, and he just said, “Aired DFKM.”
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: It’s Chris Attoh. I’m sorry, there’s nothing else to say. It’s Chris Attoh *insert heart eye emoji x 100*
Wale Ojo as Kunle in Fifty
Crime: Cheating on your wife is wrong, but cheating on your wife with someone she already has beef with? Kunle in Fifty was a trash husband, but the writers tried to make us root for him because his wife was self-absorbed, and he was cheating for love. Sir, with all due respect, geddifok.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: He’s a middle-aged Yoruba man with Wale Ojo’s face and a ton of money. My dear, how does that song go again? O ti lo.
Stan Nze as Ahanna in Rattlesnake: The Ahanna Story
Crime: Abandoning his girlfriend for another woman and the soft life in Abuja. This man started a robbery gang, set them up then moved to Buhari’s backyard for a good time. That’s savage AF.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: If he could convince those grown-ass men to give armed robbery a chance, there’s a high chance he could convince us to take off our underwear. Just saying.
Oris Erhuero as Sunday in A Sunday Affair
Crime: How can you cheat on your wife at your brother’s wedding then sleep with the best friend of the woman (your brother’s sister-in-law, by the way) you cheated on your wife with? We need to bring back shame because it’s clear Sunday, AKA Community D, had none of it. Nothing in his head, just fornication and vibes.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: The man drives a Porsche, has a seductive Christian Grey accent and uses words like “Consortium”. No wonder Uche, Toyin and their sponge wigs fell on the floor for him. Ladies, you deserved better, but honestly, I get it.
Taiwo Obileye as Chief Daddy in Chief Daddy
Crime: This man cheated on his wife with multiple women then forced her to live with them and their children using financial manipulation. Nah, Chief Daddy was evil if we’re keeping it 100. It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, but to score away goals from Lagos to London? Even Abraham in the bible didn’t take his “Father of all Nations” title this seriously.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: It’s clear Chief had game. It can just be his money that pulled baddies across different age groups to him. He was a pure manifestation of Yoruba demonry, so no one stood a chance.