I Watched The Nollywood Movie, “Sharon Stone,” So You Don’t Have To

September 10, 2021

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the 2002 Nollywood movie, “Sharon Stone.”

sharon stone nollywood

That tagline is killing me.

Back in the early 2000s, I imagine that a Nollywood producer saw the Hollywood movie Basic Instinctstarring Sharon Stone and said, “You know what would make a lot of money? A Nigerian movie based on the notoriety Sharon Stone gained for her role in ‘Basic Instinct.’ The main character’s name will be Sharon, and even though her last name won’t be Stone, I’ll name the movie ‘Sharon Stone.’ What does the real Sharon Stone want to do? Sue me? Someone get Genevieve on the phone, tell her…”

So here we are 19 years later.

The movie starts with Sharon (Genevieve Nnaji) and her boyfriend, Henry, having a fight. Sharon is leaving his house angrily because he has confronted her with cheating allegations.

sharon stone nollywood
sharon stone nollywood

Henry decides that he doesn’t want to put up with Sharon’s shit anymore so he drives her home and breaks up with her, asking her to return all the things he’s bought her. In retaliation, Sharon tosses all his things on the road and very loudly calls him poor.

sharon stone nollywood

Sharon’s best friend and housemate, Kate (Steph-Nora Okere), hears the noise and comes out to find out what the fuck is going on. Sharon complains that she broke up with Henry because he accused her of cheating. When Kate points out that Sharon has indeed been cheating, Sharon admits but says Henry definitely has no proof because she covers her cheating tracks well. Kate is just like:

sharon stone nollywood

Even though Sharon has a steady boyfriend in school named Dallas (Emeka Eyiocha), she’s also bumping genitals with a rich older man named Chief Uche (Peter Bruno). One day while she’s hanging out with Dallas in front of her house…

…when Chief Uche shows up, forcing Sharon to think on her feet.

And when Chief Uche asks who the guy she was hanging out with is, she says:

Chief Uche is like:

But he ultimately buys her story. While Sharon is busy juggling men, her friend, Kate, is being cheated on. Kate goes to visit her boyfriend, Kalu and finds him in bed with another woman.

Kate returns home crying, and when Sharon finds out what has happened, she does this”

Then she explains why she operates the way she does:

Sharon gets word that the brother of an old secondary schoolmate named Tony (Kunle Coker) is now a Colonel in the army and is doing pretty well for himself so she decides to add a third man to her roster and sets her sights on him. She goes to visit the old secondary school friend and uses that as an excuse to get close to Tony.

Her plan works and not long after, they’re at a restaurant doing this:

Sharon’s exploits reach a fever pitch when she’s forced to have sex with all three of her boyfriends in one day just to keep them from finding out about each other. To avoid the boyfriends clashing, she later starts a fight with Dallas so he won’t come for her birthday party and convinces Chief Uche to travel out of the country so only Tony will attend.

Dallas eventually finds out that Sharon has been playing him and goes to her house to yell at her. Sharon attempts to shout her way out of the situation, and when that doesn’t work because Dallas is super pissed, she locks herself inside the house and calls Chief Uche to come with the police, claiming that the president of her department (a call back to her earlier lie) is trying to rape her.

This is where things become truly chaotic.

Chief Uche puts Dallas in prison for days and refuses to let him go. Sharon worries that if Dallas dies there, his blood will be on her hands. So she goes to Tony (who is a colonel in the army) and claims that Dallas is her cousin who is being detained illegally by a man (Chief Uche) trying to steal Dallas’ wife. Tony sends some soldiers to bring Chief Uche to the barracks to be beaten. During the interrogation, both Tony and Chief Uche find out that they’ve been bamboozled.

They bring Dallas in together and they all put the pieces together. They hatch a plan to screw Sharon over. Tony meets with Sharon and says he forgives her, asking for her hand in marriage so they can fly to the United States and live happily ever after. Sharon sees this as an opportunity to avoid all the other men she’s deceived so she says yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and Tony never shows up at the church. Sharon goes to his house to find out what has happened and she meets Tony, Dallas, and Chief Uche drinking beer and playing Checkers. They all turn to look at her, decked in her incredibly early 2000s wedding dress and do this:

Sharon can’t stand the humiliation and passes out. The men don’t even bother to check if she’s ok. They just go back to playing their game.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched Episode 1 Of “Assistant Madams” Season 2 So You Don’t Have To

assistant madams season 2

Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.

Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.


Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

More from So You Don't Have To

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X