7 Songs Children Had No Business Dancing To In The Early 2000s

June 9, 2020

1. Kelis – Milkshake

Kelis once said in an interview that the title of the song means “the thing that makes women special. It’s what gives us our confidence and what makes us exciting.” Well, I call bullshit because ‘Milkshake’ is obviously as a euphemism for boobs.

2. Tony Matterhorn – Dutty Wine

This smash riddim dance track found its way into the playlists at Nigerian KIDS PARTIES due to the fact that its dirty lyrics were disguised in an accent difficult to understand for those not familiar with it. Here are a few lines from the song’s second verse:

It reads like he’s describing a particularly violent game of Twister

3. Nelly – Hot in Here

I wonder what my parents would’ve done if they knew I was at my primary school end of the year party bumping to a song that was clearly about a house party that turns into an orgy because of global warming.

4. Aqua – Barbie Girl

The iconic ode to Barbie (and her partner, Ken) was riddled with so much sexual innuendo that the group was sued by Mattel, the makers of the Barbie doll, for violating their trademark and turning the children’s toy into a sex object.

And you danced to it at your church’s bazaar while your parents cheered you on.

5. Rupee – Tempted To Touch

The song is from the POV of a guy waxing on about a sexy girl on the dancefloor he’s tempted to touch and hold tight because he has a raging boner for her. Enough said.

6. Destiny’s Child – Lose My Breath

This song starts with a woman’s voice that screams “HIT ME!” and then segues into a 3 minute and 33-second long shaming session where Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle berate their lovers for not being able to keep up with them sexually. None of this mattered though because we were too busy grinding to it at birthday dancing competitions.

7) Kevin Lyttle -Turn Me On

The name of the song alone.

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