If BBNaija Housemates Were Secondary School Students

September 27, 2020

If BBNaija housemates were secondary school students, what kinds of students would they be? We will tell you.

1 & 2. Eric and Lilo.

It’s not kuku that they are siamese twins. It’s just that once they set eyes on each other like this, the superglue of romance will kick in. And this superglue will be so strong that they will eventually be expelled. Sha, their eyes will clear, but it may be too late. In the end, Lilo will attend extra coaching for WAEC lesson. Eric nko? Toh. Maybe he will intern at a gym sha.

3. Wathoni

What Does The BBNaija Housemate You Stan Say About You? | Zikoko!

Senior Wathoni of the multiple triangles. This one will brag to the people in her area that she is premium hot cake with an abundance of toasters. But the truth is that she will be carrying formal letter up and down and asking people if they have any space in their relationship for her to enter. The juniors will call her “Senior Watabambam” out of sheer malice.

4. Vee

BBNaija's Vee Gets Candid About Abstaining From Sex While in the House -  Olisa.tv

This one will demand that every junior student refer to her as Senior Vee. She will flaunt her Bri’ish accent to the point where people will be tired. But will anybody talk? No. They are kuku not her friend anyway. Let her wear clothes for her accent and play with it. Aint nobody got time for that.

5. Neo

News online, Latest Nigeria News, Nigerian Newspapers, Naija Politics

Warri boy wey go end up carrying last, because as soon as he gets involved with Vee, Senior Neo’s life will change trajectory. He will stop rolling with his guys because Vee has said they are his enemies. Besides, doesn’t he want to win Best Student at the end of the school session?

6. Katrina

Ka3na BBNaija Housemate Profile & Biography | BBN Pictures, Age, Birthday,  State, Occupation - BBNaija Daily

I hate to say it, but Ka3na will be that spirikoko senior who will end up being caught in an uncompleted building with a boy. When they ask her what she was doing there, as per Mother In Israel that she is, she will say she was only trying to convert him. Convert him into what, nne? Na naira im be? Sha, the matter will die eventually.

7. Lucy

Lucy BBNaija Biography; Age, Career, BBN 5 lockdown Housemates | Contents101

Lucy will be a prefect, that one is for sure. Maybe even class captain, because of her maturity. And because of that, she will become jagaban, putting people’s names in noisemaker list without any solid reason. She will claim they hate her, when in actual sense, they don’t. She will continue this agbero behaviour until Kaisha will vex and beat her after school one day.


8. Kaisha

Kaisha BBNaija Biography; Age, Career, BBN 5 lockdown Housemates |  Contents101

And now, we welcome Kaisha, the proverbial rat that will bell the cat. But the thing is this: Kaisha as a secondary school student will not be a rat. She will be queen of her own territory. She will be calm in class o, but let school close first. Every rubbish word you said during school hours must be accounted for. Otherwise, she will beat you and pour sand in your mouth.

9. Tochi

BBNaija 2020: Meet The Housemates — Guardian Life — The Guardian Nigeria  News – Nigeria and World News

Hmm. This one will change school after like two weeks. Nobody will even remember him.

10. Praise

BBNaija eviction: How housemates vote Praise comot Big brother Naija 2020  season 5 lockdown house - BBC News Pidgin

Senior Praise. Belly dancer, nwoke oma, ebony relaxer, dark and lovely, the convertee of Sister Ka3na. The Ka3na conversion will almost haunt him, but he will rise and use it to create a bad boy reputation.

11. Trikytee

Trikytee BBNaija Housemate Profile & Biography | BBN Pictures, Age,  Birthday, State, Occupation - BBNaija Daily

This one will be unnoticeable in the class sha. Just be there, invisible but visible. Until one day when he gets into the rich kids clique. And there, he will be used to run their errands while also being made to feel among. Until school closes and everybody returns to their daddy’s house.

12. Kiddwaya

Big Brother Naija 2020 housemates: Terry Waya billionaire son Terseer  Kiddwaya na contestant for BBNaija season 5 'Lockdown' - BBC News Pidgin

The OG of rich kids. The Londoner senior Vee aspires to be but can never be. Kiddwaya would be the kind of secondary school student that will tell you they have a pet lion and you will believe because them get money like mad. Even teachers want a taste of the WayaCake. They will never flog him, and he will be the head of the clique of big boys. And he will date Senior Erica.

13. Erica

BBNaija: Again, Erica emerges 'head of house', picks Prince as deputy

Senior Erica, one of the most beautiful girls of the secondary school. So beautiful in fact, that she is the unchallenged queen of Blue House march past during the inter-house sports. Her friend? Senior Tolani. Her mans? Senior Kiddwaya. Her toaster? Senior Laycon. Her part-time competition? Senior Nengi.

It should all work out fine, you know. But no. Keep reading, we will get to it soon.

14. Nengi

Nengi BBNaija Biography; Age, Career, BBN 5 lockdown Housemates |  Contents101

Senior Nene who will enter school and say her name is Nengi. But who wants to argue with her? NOBODY. She will be the queen for Red House in the march past competition where Senior Ozo will notice her and feel loike he has to have her at all cost. But Senior Nengi has her eyes on greater things, and sadly, these greater things do not include Senior Ozo and his love letters that he sends through a JSS3 student.

15. Ozo

BBNaija 2020: Meet All 20 Housemate for this year Edition (photo /details)  — EmijoeMedia

Senior Ozoemena. A science student who, sadly, has been cursed with the gift of poetry and a desire to ‘obtain’ an ‘unobtainable’ woman. But will he rest? Mba. Not when he can pick his golden pen from the basket of love to write Nengi, the only apple of his eyes a love note with his blood as the ink. If Nengi is down for it, he is ready to marry her at the end of the term. They can abandon university sef.

16. Tolani Baj

Tolanibaj BBNaija Biography; Age, Career, BBN 5 lockdown Housemates |  Contents101

Tolani Baj will be the social prefect and she will raise the bar for the social life in the school. School doesn’t even bother her that much, because she has her sights set on the big screen. She will be sharp-mouthed, witty and also classy as hell. Senior Erica will be her bestie, as you know. Both of them will give each other relationship advice. But the joke is on them, because their relationships will shake like a danfo bus being driven along a potholed road.

17. Prince

BBnaija2020 kickstarts Sunday night, get to know the 20 housemates

He will be a Prince from one tiny village nobody knows. But that won’t matter. Prince is prince. He is playful, which is evident in how he made Senior Dorathy his friend. This playfulness is what TolaniBaj dislikes. Her man must live up to the image she has in her head: serious, classy, refined. This is what will cause the break up.

18. Dorathy

Dorathy BBNaija Biography; Age, Career, BBN 5 lockdown Housemates |  Contents101

Senior Dora! “Down-to-earth” is what everyone will call her, even though she is not short. She is playful, unbothered and just wants to have fun. She is the kind of senior that will free junior students from other senior bullies. Boyfriend? E no concern this one. Just to vibe and graduate, dazall. Her reputation is spotless. But if you check well, her mother is probably a teacher at the school, so no room for yamayama.

19. Brighto

Ezekiel | The Abuja Times

Father-In-Isreal with a lirru bit of freaky-freaky and a strange love for semo. He goes to church, in fact, he probably even leads prayers on the assembly ground. But check it well, Senior Brighto dey moveeee! Chile. He gives all the guys advice on what to do with babes. How else would he know if he doesn’t have experience? Go figure.

20. Laycon.

Laycon-BBNaija-1280x720-1-1 | Zikoko!

For reasons people don’t understand, he keeps leading the class. He is the kind of student teachers will ask other students to go and meet. He has a thing for music, and he heads the drummers band. The only dent on his reputation is the stint with Senior Erica, a stint that made Senior Erica transfer to another school. The stakes that he will win “Best Graduating Student” are very high.

You'll like this

May 29, 2020

Yemi Alade — “Boyz” Last year, Yemi Alade dropped the cohesive and far-reaching Woman of Steel — easily her strongest body of work to date. Now, she’s back with her first single of the year, “Boyz”. On the deliriously catchy track, Yemi Alade gleefully sings about the kind of men she likes. This is the […]

June 2, 2020

Majek Fashek is dead. He was announced dead this morning — one of the latest tragedies of 2020. Full name, Majekodunmi Fasheke, Majek Fashek was a Nigerian singer-songwriter and guitarist. According to the news, Majek Fashek died in his sleep. His death was confirmed by his manager, Omenka Uzoma, on the late singer’s official Instagram […]

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.


Now on Zikoko

October 26, 2020

Body dysmorphia is a mental health disorder that makes you obsess over your physical appearance. You constantly try to fix or hide these perceived flaws that may not be noticeable to others but yourself. We spoke to five Nigerian women about what it is like hating their body in a way that makes them obsess […]

October 26, 2020

Babatunde Fashola, former governor of Lagos State, now Minister of Works, Housing and Power (we should have known this guy had some serious powers; how else could he be the head of not one, not two, but three crucial ministries?) yesterday miraculously discovered a camera at the scene of the Lekki massacre, conveniently perched by […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

More from Pop

October 14, 2020

For the past seven days Nigeria has had it’s biggest national scale protest since 1993.  The #EndSARS protest is a peaceful but powerful movement against police brutality in Nigeria, both generally, and specifically by the Special Anti-Robbery Squad of the Nigerian Police. In these marches, music is an important tool to keep the people going. This […]

October 7, 2020

Here’s a statement that you can’t disagree to: Nollywood movies are getting better every year. The growth in the quality of production, storytelling and general execution is noteworthy and must be celebrated. On Ranked today, I’ll go back to 2019, the gift that keeps giving, and rate some of the best movies released that year. […]

October 6, 2020

Picture this: It’s a Nollywood movie. There’s a rich man with a big house. One wife, one maid and family problems. He has a gateman. The gateman is… well you already know: funny, foolish, all the works. Here’s a list of all the stereotypes of Nollywood gatemen. 1. Unnecessary foolishness We get that the gatemen […]

October 3, 2020

When EbonyLife released the trailer for Oloture a few weeks ago, we were on the edge of our seats. The thriller about a young and naive investigative journalist who goes undercover as a Lagos prostitute to expose human traffickers premiered on Netflix on Friday, 2nd October 2020, and it certainly didn’t disappoint. There’s one thing […]

September 30, 2020

I wasn’t a big Runtown fan until I listened to a shitload of his songs for this Ranked. He’s actually got a great body of work, so I ranked his top ten best songs. Here you go: 10. Baby Answer “Girl my love for you be like kilimanjarooo…” and then the rhymes that follow. 2014 […]

September 29, 2020

If you had planned to skip the upcoming FIFA 21, you should probably reconsider. Yesterday, EA released the official soundtrack for the game, and it features songs by Nigerian superstars, Fireboy DML and Rema. Fireboy DML’s “Scatter”, off his acclaimed debut album, Laughter, Tears and Goosebumps, and Rema’s “Beamer” both made the cut, alongside tracks […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.