If BBNaija housemates were secondary school students, what kinds of students would they be? We will tell you.
1 & 2. Eric and Lilo.
It’s not kuku that they are siamese twins. It’s just that once they set eyes on each other like this, the superglue of romance will kick in. And this superglue will be so strong that they will eventually be expelled. Sha, their eyes will clear, but it may be too late. In the end, Lilo will attend extra coaching for WAEC lesson. Eric nko? Toh. Maybe he will intern at a gym sha.
Senior Wathoni of the multiple triangles. This one will brag to the people in her area that she is premium hot cake with an abundance of toasters. But the truth is that she will be carrying formal letter up and down and asking people if they have any space in their relationship for her to enter. The juniors will call her “Senior Watabambam” out of sheer malice.
This one will demand that every junior student refer to her as Senior Vee. She will flaunt her Bri’ish accent to the point where people will be tired. But will anybody talk? No. They are kuku not her friend anyway. Let her wear clothes for her accent and play with it. Aint nobody got time for that.
Warri boy wey go end up carrying last, because as soon as he gets involved with Vee, Senior Neo’s life will change trajectory. He will stop rolling with his guys because Vee has said they are his enemies. Besides, doesn’t he want to win Best Student at the end of the school session?
I hate to say it, but Ka3na will be that spirikoko senior who will end up being caught in an uncompleted building with a boy. When they ask her what she was doing there, as per Mother In Israel that she is, she will say she was only trying to convert him. Convert him into what, nne? Na naira im be? Sha, the matter will die eventually.
Lucy will be a prefect, that one is for sure. Maybe even class captain, because of her maturity. And because of that, she will become jagaban, putting people’s names in noisemaker list without any solid reason. She will claim they hate her, when in actual sense, they don’t. She will continue this agbero behaviour until Kaisha will vex and beat her after school one day.
And now, we welcome Kaisha, the proverbial rat that will bell the cat. But the thing is this: Kaisha as a secondary school student will not be a rat. She will be queen of her own territory. She will be calm in class o, but let school close first. Every rubbish word you said during school hours must be accounted for. Otherwise, she will beat you and pour sand in your mouth.
Hmm. This one will change school after like two weeks. Nobody will even remember him.
Senior Praise. Belly dancer, nwoke oma, ebony relaxer, dark and lovely, the convertee of Sister Ka3na. The Ka3na conversion will almost haunt him, but he will rise and use it to create a bad boy reputation.
This one will be unnoticeable in the class sha. Just be there, invisible but visible. Until one day when he gets into the rich kids clique. And there, he will be used to run their errands while also being made to feel among. Until school closes and everybody returns to their daddy’s house.
The OG of rich kids. The Londoner senior Vee aspires to be but can never be. Kiddwaya would be the kind of secondary school student that will tell you they have a pet lion and you will believe because them get money like mad. Even teachers want a taste of the WayaCake. They will never flog him, and he will be the head of the clique of big boys. And he will date Senior Erica.
Senior Erica, one of the most beautiful girls of the secondary school. So beautiful in fact, that she is the unchallenged queen of Blue House march past during the inter-house sports. Her friend? Senior Tolani. Her mans? Senior Kiddwaya. Her toaster? Senior Laycon. Her part-time competition? Senior Nengi.
It should all work out fine, you know. But no. Keep reading, we will get to it soon.
Senior Nene who will enter school and say her name is Nengi. But who wants to argue with her? NOBODY. She will be the queen for Red House in the march past competition where Senior Ozo will notice her and feel loike he has to have her at all cost. But Senior Nengi has her eyes on greater things, and sadly, these greater things do not include Senior Ozo and his love letters that he sends through a JSS3 student.
Senior Ozoemena. A science student who, sadly, has been cursed with the gift of poetry and a desire to ‘obtain’ an ‘unobtainable’ woman. But will he rest? Mba. Not when he can pick his golden pen from the basket of love to write Nengi, the only apple of his eyes a love note with his blood as the ink. If Nengi is down for it, he is ready to marry her at the end of the term. They can abandon university sef.
16. Tolani Baj
Tolani Baj will be the social prefect and she will raise the bar for the social life in the school. School doesn’t even bother her that much, because she has her sights set on the big screen. She will be sharp-mouthed, witty and also classy as hell. Senior Erica will be her bestie, as you know. Both of them will give each other relationship advice. But the joke is on them, because their relationships will shake like a danfo bus being driven along a potholed road.
He will be a Prince from one tiny village nobody knows. But that won’t matter. Prince is prince. He is playful, which is evident in how he made Senior Dorathy his friend. This playfulness is what TolaniBaj dislikes. Her man must live up to the image she has in her head: serious, classy, refined. This is what will cause the break up.
Senior Dora! “Down-to-earth” is what everyone will call her, even though she is not short. She is playful, unbothered and just wants to have fun. She is the kind of senior that will free junior students from other senior bullies. Boyfriend? E no concern this one. Just to vibe and graduate, dazall. Her reputation is spotless. But if you check well, her mother is probably a teacher at the school, so no room for yamayama.
Father-In-Isreal with a lirru bit of freaky-freaky and a strange love for semo. He goes to church, in fact, he probably even leads prayers on the assembly ground. But check it well, Senior Brighto dey moveeee! Chile. He gives all the guys advice on what to do with babes. How else would he know if he doesn’t have experience? Go figure.
For reasons people don’t understand, he keeps leading the class. He is the kind of student teachers will ask other students to go and meet. He has a thing for music, and he heads the drummers band. The only dent on his reputation is the stint with Senior Erica, a stint that made Senior Erica transfer to another school. The stakes that he will win “Best Graduating Student” are very high.