Everyone is talking about Netflix’s From Scratch and how it made them cry. Well, I’m here to testify that I saw it and not one teardrop left my eyeballs. 

The show follows the ups-and-downs love story of Amy (Zoe Saldana) and Lino (Eugenio Mastrandrea) . I didn’t cry, not because I’m heartless or insensitive, I just have some tricks that helped me get through the show without crying. So if you want to watch the TV show and maintain your street cred like me, here are a couple of things you could do. 

Don’t watch it 

You heard a show is making everyone cry, and you thought, “Wow, let me watch it too.” Do you think you have two heads and that’s why you won’t cry? Sorry dear, just watch something like Papa Ajasco and save yourself from the emotional distress waiting for you. 

Start from the last episode

If you start watching the show from the last episode, you won’t understand why bad things are happening or how sad the situation is because you don’t really know the characters. You can’t pity someone when you’re only watching their ending and have no idea what the hell is going on and how they got there. 

Read spoilers online 

There’s a high chance you won’t cry once you know what happens on the show. Read the plot, episode by episode, on Wikipedia, and then go on Twitter to read everyone’s tweets about it. At least, this way, you know when a character dies or has cancer before you watch the TV show. 

Cry ahead of time 

If you cry very well before you watch the show, you’ll definitely run out of tears when the show starts tugging at your emotions. Water can’t come out from an empty well, so empty your eyeballs beforehand. 

Think about the naira 

Before you start crying about Amy and Lino’s drama, remember that the naira is currently fighting for its life, and you haven’t started vomiting pounds yet. The only people allowed to cry are those who earn foreign currencies. Better focus on your focus if you’re still earning in Nnamdi Azikiwe and Alvan Ikoku. 

Watch it with your parents 

Nigerian parents will never miss an opportunity to make fun of their children, so your parents will probably start laughing at you the moment your tears threathen to fall. This goes without saying that it depends on the parent, because if your parents are softies too, then, omo, all of you might just end up crying together. 

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Look for something cringe and focus on that

Am I the only weirdo who finds crying faces funny? I doubt it. The moment there’s a sad scene, I’d advise you to focus on something cringe like a weird-looking wig or how Amy (Zoe Saldana) has a funny cry face. 

Watch a sadder TV show or film

To avoid crying while watching From Scratch, you need to watch sadder shows to raise your sadness expectation. By the time you watch When They See Us, Three Idiots or Miracle in Cell No. 7 at least four times, your emotions will be so over the place, you won’t be able to find new tears to cry when you start From Scratch

Don’t binge watch From Scratch

Most people are crying because they’re watching the whole show in one sitting, so it’s easy to get really invested in the characters. If you don’t want to cry, watch one episode a month so you’ll become emotionally detached by the time all the bad things start happening. 

Remember it’s just a TV show

Babes, it’s just a TV show. It’s called make-believe and people are acting. If you think I’m lying, look at Zoe Saldana, the actress playing Amy. Don’t you remember her from Colombiana and Guardians of the Galaxy? Remind yourself that her character isn’t not real and squeeze your face with vim.

Make the film cry 

Omo, my job here is to tell you what to do. Information on how to go about itt is above my pay grade. But where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.