4 Nollywood Movies We Still Can’t Believe Got Made

July 21, 2020

1) Beyonce & Rihanna:

Nadia Buhari and Omotola Jalade Ekeinde play Beyonce and Rihanna respectively (I shit you not), pop superstar divas who hate each other’s guts. They also happen to have eyes for the same man, a music producer who goes by the name, Jay. If it feels like you’ve heard this story before, it’s because you have. This was the narrative of the alleged beef going on between the real Beyonce and Rihanna in the mid to late 2000s.

Watch this and be amused by all the cheap wigs, Jim Iyke’s Jay Z impression, and all the lip-synching that made the movie feel like a Beyonce and Rihanna greatest hits compilation. The best part comes at the end of part two when both characters are set to perform in a competition against each other but Beyonce passes out on stage because she overdosed on energy drinks.

Then they tell you to watch out for part 3 & 4.

2) Blackberry Babes:

A group of young women do everything possible to get their hands on the (then) latest Blackberry phones because their social statuses depend on it. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have expected much from these movies because they were made by the producers of Beyonce & Rihanna.

In one of the many sequels, there’s a scene where a girl uses juju to turn her sugar daddy into a Bold 5 and then runs off with it, leaving the super expensive SUV behind!

3) Stolen Bible:

Kate Henshaw plays Apollonia, a girl who steals a bible and gets cursed with the spirit of Kleptomania by the person she stole from. The movie is a string of hilarious hijinks caused by her inability to stop stealing. After her mother ships her off to a convent to get help, Apollonia gathers a few friends to join her in stealing money from a babalawo’s shrine. He curses them with elephantiasis and cancer. That’s when the movie gets super gross.

4) White Hunters:

Sadly, this movie isn’t about a group of women hunting white men for sport. It’s about a group of girls who have made it their life’s mission to shack up with rich white men so they never have to work another day in their lives. I remember it being marketed with the cringey tag line, “We have broken into Hollywood!” and watching the movie because of this, only to see Phillipino and Lebanese “actors” scattered in it. This movie is why I have trust issues today.

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