Rihanna might be responsible for your favourite contour stick, but best believe Mummy Fenty is still a performer. Returning to the stage for the first time in seven years, Rihanna performed some of her greatest hits at the 2023 Super Bowl — and still had time for a Fenty Beauty (and baby) promo mid-show. While her performance has audiences divided… 

…these thoughts kept going through my head while Miss Robyn was floating, serving vocals and twerking in the air.  

Will Rihanna make me watch football people play with their hands? 

As a Nigerian (and someone who understands English), I’m curious to know why Americans call it football when they play the sport with their hands. Is it sarcasm? Anyway, I’m here for Rihanna. 

Did God make Rihanna on a Sunday? 

Can we come together as a people, join hands and take a few minutes to appreciate Rihanna’s face? No, look at the material. No one should walk around looking like this and still have talent. It’s not fair. 

Wait a minute. Is my girl with child again? 

No one thought “baby” when Rihanna mentioned bringing a special guest to the show. ASAP, come on now? We need to get that man away from my girl ASAP. Didn’t they announce a pregnancy like last year?

Happy for my good sis, though. 

Why is a pregnant lady this high up in the sky? 

With brand new information that my girl is pregnant, I’m deeply worried about this Aladdin stage she’s floating on. What if one rope just untangles? It’s like when Beyoncé pulled this stunt when she was pregnant with twins in 2017:

I’m stressed. 

Did Rihanna sing all the hits in this world? Kilode? 

Only Girl in the World, Work, Where Have You Been?, Rude Boy, Bitch Better Have My Money

, We Found Love and the list goes on. This woman has hit after hit; it’s not even funny. And there were lots of hits missing from the set. No one has done it like Robyn Fenty, and I stan. 

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How do I become her backup dancer so we can breathe the same air? 

Rihanna killed this performance, but you see her dancers? Those people were on another level. They ate up each song, nary a crumb in sight. I know I can’t do more than some small azonto here and there, but I can learn. Take a risk with me and succeed, guys. 

Did she just remind us she do usually do make-up, right there on stage? 

Rihanna might’ve just been a singer back in the day, but Miss Mamas is now a billionaire skincare and make-up brand owner. The part where she paused the performance for some light touch-up with her Fenty Beauty killed me. A businesswoman for real. 

Why doesn’t she have any special guests? 

I love my girl, Rih, but with all her features, I expected her to bring out a guest performer. But you know what? I can’t even be mad at her. Remember when Janet Jackson brought out Justin Timberlake in 2004? 

So no new album or single? 

We all saw this coming when the NFL announced Rihanna was performing at the Super Bowl, but admit it, you still had hope. Well, I guess it’s time to go and stream Te Amo for the 1000th time. 

Do we really need new music? 

Okay, let’s check it. Rihanna gave us eight albums in the first seven years of her career, with each album producing at least five chart-topping hits. This woman has given us everything since she was a wee teenager. And let’s not forget how she’s stepped into two industries — beauty and lingerie — and made them accessible to all… while becoming a billionaire on the side. 

Yes, Robyn Chidinma Rihanna Fenty has done what needed to be done and gave what needed to be given. She’ll still be an icon even if she decides to only sing lullabies to her kids for the rest of her life. Period. 

ALSO READ: 9 Times Rihanna and Tems Made Exactly the Same Song

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