The time every capitalist slave dreads is finally here. The holidays are ending, and your owner, capitalism, is about to take over.
Let’s take you through all the stages and emotions you’ll experience in the coming days.
At first, you’ll be indifferent
You’ve just been sleeping and eating for a while now, and work is the last thing on your mind… if it’s even on your mind at all.
Then, reality starts to kick in
Your office is already sending you season’s greetings and “can’t wait to see you at the office” messages. How many days was the holiday sef?
You start considering your options
You start thinking of excuses to stretch your holiday as much as possible. What if you tell oga that the only filling station in your village burned down and there’s no fuel for buses to travel back to your city? They should understand.
Before realising you have no choice
Because no matter what excuses you give, capitalism always wins. Unless you don’t have issues with poverty or sleeping under the bridge.
Cue in anger
Then you start blaming everyone and anyone for your predicament. Who even decided people have to work to survive? Whose ancestor invented work, and why do we have to suffer because of that?
You finally resume
And paste on fake smiles when the office oversabi starts talking about how much they missed everyone at the office. Stop it, Sandra. We know you’re lying.
And embrace fake humility
Have you forgotten it’s January? No buying of unnecessary amala at lunch. Better hide somewhere and drink your garri in peace if you want to survive the coming days.
Start counting down to the next holiday
How can the next holiday be all the way in April? Why isn’t Valentine’s Day a public holiday? Don’t we all need time off to celebrate the power of love?