Everybody knows how to answer “Tell me about yourself” already. As a recruiter, ask these questions at an interview instead and watch the madness unfold.

“Would you eat garri without sugar?”

Sometimes, you just need to gauge the level of suffer-head the person you’re employing has faced. They may be coming from traumatic sapa. You don’t want to do them anyhow.

“Are you a Man Utd fan?”

You don’t want to employ someone who’ll be taking Ls for your business every weekday. No, they already get enough on weekends. For the sake of your mental health and theirs, leave them alone, abeg.

“Do you usually lost?”

You need to know you won’t have to randomly start looking for them in the middle of a busy workday. 

“Do you use MTN?”

Do this especially if they’ll be working remotely. You don’t want to joke with someone who’s frustrated after dealing with MTN the whole day.

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“Do you have Japa plans?”

If they don’t have Japa plans, don’t hire them. They obviously like pain, so they need to go somewhere else. Maybe work for the government?

“Who’s your daddy?”

If they don’t have Japa plans, it could also be that they have bastard money in their family. That’s why you need to ask this question as a follow-up. You never know, your employee may become a by-force investor.

“How many bottles of beer before you start sharing office secrets?”

You need to know ahead of time if you’re hiring an opp or a weak link. Stay woke, please.

“Are you lactose intolerant?”

This one has two parts. If they answer yes, just know they’re a stubborn person and won’t stop taking milk. Second, you’ll need a face mask in the office every day for all the farting. Just save yourself from stress. 

“Will anybody come and do paranran for you at the office?”

This one is important if you don’t like noise. Just imagine having a bad day already, and trumpeters start singing “happy birthday” for somebody, unprovoked.

“Do you eat semo?”

Make sure to promise that this question doesn’t matter to your hiring decision. But if they answer “yes”, break that promise and move on. You can’t be hiring someone who likes pain (or maybe you can if you plan to offload five people’s JDs on them).

“Do you read Money by Zikoko?”

If they answer yes, just know they’re fun and they know what’s up. If you yourself don’t know what Money by Zikoko is, subscribe to it so you don’t expose yourself in an interview.

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