They say the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, but I’m here to give you another trick. This time, I’d like to tell you how you can gauge a Nigerian man’s performance in bed just by looking at his underwear.

Don’t believe me? Test my theory today. 

These boxers that look like school uniforms 

Any guy who wears these school uniform boxers will give you toxic dick that’ll probably ruin your life. Guys like this are very quiet and shy in public, but the moment they catch you, omo, you will crawl home. He doesn’t care whether you cum or not, but because he’s putting so much vim into the fornication, you end up cumming as a side effect. 

He won’t offer you water after round five, but best believe he’ll give you the best sex of your life. 


There are two ways around this briefs conversation. If a guy wears white briefs, that means he’s very intentional about life and would probably locate your g-spot no matter where it’s hidden. A white-brief guy doesn’t have a big dick, but he’ll overcompensate with foreplay. 

On the other hand, if a guy wears coloured briefs, know you’re about to be trapped in a relationship. This guy has an average dick and knows how to use it. The problem is, he’ll only think about you cumming after he’s ejaculated. But don’t worry, that won’t take long.

Lace pant

Guys who wear lace underwear are very into role play and things like that, probably even on the submissive side, so there’s a strong chance he will eat your bum bum and let you choke him till he nearly passes out. His dick game is average, but he’s a good student. If trained right, his performance can move from 25 to 100 in no time. 

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Say hello to Mr Risque. Guys wearing thongs are great in bed and comfortable in their sexuality. They’re open to being pegged or peed on — anything you want, this guy is totally game. If you were to investigate his body count, you’d probably find your main boyfriend and your best friend too. 


The jockstrap is for the guy who wants to wear a thong but doesn’t have the balls to rock them yet. Using this definition, a jockstrap guy is good in bed and eager to please. Validation is a major driving force for guys who wear jockstraps, so your pleasure gives them the same surge of endorphins Uber drivers get from rider ratings. 


This man lives for sex parties and exhibitionism. He rarely has sex, but likes to watch and be entertained. His dick game is good, but you need to have porn in the background to keep him up, if you know what I mean. 

Guys who have at least one of each 

Like the Avatar or a unicorn, a guy with all the different types of underwear on this list is rare. If you bump into one, I’d advise you to run because his dick game will confuse you. One day, the sex is so good that you’re ready to move in, but the next day, his done after five thrusts. Owning three on the list is fine, but having all six is serious wahaleux. 


Anything you see here, take it like that. Guys who go commando are on another level, and it takes a certain type of man to walk around with his John-Thomas swinging up and down like a hunter’s katapot. 

ALSO READ: Don’t Listen to Women, These Are the Best Types of Underwear for Authentic Nigerian Men


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.