Girlfriends are cute and all, but they’re annoying and they get away with a lot of shit. If you need to spice up your relationship, occasionally do one (or a few) of these things and then watch what happens.
P.S. Don’t blame us if she breaks up with you. We are not responsible.
1. Reply her texts with “k”
Using the small letter “k” gives a better effect. Out of nowhere, just reply all her serious texts with “k”. Make sure you find somewhere else to sleep that night.
2. Say “We have to talk, it’s important”, and when she gets your attention, say “Never mind”.
No matter how many times she tries to get you to tell her what you wanted to say, just keep a straight face and say “Don’t worry about it, don’t worry”. This one always works.
3. Tell her she’s overreacting when she’s has period cramps
You can say something like “Is it not ordinary stomach pain, why are you overreacting?” Proceed to tell her to go and make dinner for you because she should be able to bear the pain and keep to her duties. Also, throw around words like “calm down”.
Cons: You will not survive
4. Mimic her when she’s talking about something important
If she’s telling you about how her boss was a dick to her at work, begin to act the exact way she’s acting and do voices that exaggerate her’s. This one will drive her crazy.
5. Talk about how hot her friend is
Absolutely gush over one of her friends. Talk about how attractive she is. Be as specific as possible- mention features of said friend that makes her hot. Imply that she’s hotter than your girlfriend. Tell your girlfriend to ash her how she manages to be so hot.
6. Take ugly pictures of her and post them
Tag them as “cute” and when she forces you to take them down, refuse.
7. Order food, for only yourself
When she tries to join you to eat, say no, and finish the food right in front of her.
8. Eat out of her food
This works best when you have your own food. Quickly finish it, and then join her to eat hers.
9. Act like you forgot her birthday
Just act like it’s a normal day. No surprises, no presents, no special notes. On the next day, ask if she had a nice birthday.