As some men around the world observe “No Shave November”, others wish it was “Wish I Could Shave November”. Over time, men that have struggled to grow a beard have been mocked by others, and labelled “Not man enough.”

These conditions have moved them to become desperate and try everything in their power to try and grow a beard. Here are some of the things that every man who is struggling to grow a beard has tried.

1. Weed

Everyone will tell you that marijuana is the answer to your problems and because you’re desperate, you’ll head off the next dealer and buy N500 weed. You’ll dry it, blend it and mix it with either methylated spirit or oil and start applying it every day. Blink twice if I’m telling the truth.

2. Methylated spirit

Methylated spirit can be used alone, but people say it works better with weed, so you mix them both. Every morning and evening, you’ll apply the mix on your beard and wait for the magic to happen. But if someone ever asks you why you have a bottle of methylated spirit by your bedside, you know you’ll just tell that it’s because you’re very prone to injuries.

3. Hair growth products

If you have money but you don’t have a beard, you’ve probably tried this one. After lots of research, you’ll finally choose one that seems to be the answer to all your problems but because it doesn’t work, you won’t buy another when the first one finishes. I know, I’ve been there.

4. Working out

You’ll hear that testosterone is good for beard growth and then further research will help you find out that working out helps to increase your testosterone levels. Well done. Lift those weights, soldier.

5. Random googling

You’re tired of looking like a baby beside your friends and Igbo women, and Google just has to have the answers. So you just go and start googling until you find the answer. Keep it up, king.

6. Snapchat filter

When you’re tired of trying all the real life solutions to beardlessness, remember that technology has made it easy for everyone to be who they want to be. Download Snapchat on your phone, load those beard filters and enjoy yourself my guy. One way or another, this beard must show.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.