We made a list of all your family members who pop up every Christmas

Your Uncle Tade who still gives you money for “biscuit” even though you are now doing NYSC

You can never be too old for ‘money to buy biscuit’

Aunty Lola who has twelve children below the age of ten and brings all of them to your house with her.

Does my house look like daycare?

Aunty Bola that keeps asking you “when will you marry?”

I’m still in year 2, what’s the problem please?

Uncle Sege who stopped giving you money for biscuit as soon as you finished secondary school.

Does Uncle Tade have two heads?

Your Aunty Funmi who has been living in London for eighteen years and has a tattoo at the back of her neck. She always tells you “wazz popping” whenever you greet her.

Funky mummy!

Cousin Titi that you went to UNILAG with but went abroad for masters for a year and now has accent.

Sister but you went to America why’s your accent British?

Aunty Folu that keeps asking you questions that don’t concern her

“So you mean you are still job hunting?” Ehn what’s your business?

Uncle Seyi that comes and stays in your house from December 1st to January 31st without informing anybody he was coming

Kuku just move in with us now

Uncle Jide that just came back from the overseas for the first time in 20 years

Don’t ask me if I remember you I was 2 when you left

Cousin Doyin that has two heads. The one your parents always tell you to be like.

“See your mate he has masters and Ph.D. at 22 you are here still doing NYSC” I can’t come and kill myself please

Uncle Bayo who only shows up at your house on December 25th and January 1st to eat free rice

He’ll even bring cooler for take away

And best of all, all of your cool cousins who are the same age as you that you can go for all the Christmas rocks with.

What’s Christmas without rocks?

Did we leave anybody out?