The Zikoko Guide To Hacking Sallah Meat

Sallah is tomorrow and because we love you we want you to get the most out of it. The thing about enjoying Sallah as a non-Muslim is that you need a strategy and a plan and we are here to help you figure that out.

The first thing you need to do is make a list of all your muslim friends and wish them happy Sallah.

Don’t forget to ask what time you should come around for your Sallah meat.

When you are done making your calls, make a list of all the sure places you are going to get Sallah meat.

After making a list you now have to map out your waka. If you are getting Sallah meat from two places in Ikeja and one place in VI, you can’t go to Ikeja, then V.I, then come back to Ikeja again.

Set out all your nylons and plastic packs tonight.

You are going to set out early in the morning, so you won’t have time to be looking for nylon.

Go early so you can help the people you are collecting meat from arrange chair and table.

If they notice you, you’ll get extra meat.

Don’t wear anything too tight you have to dress up like you are ready to die on the line.

You want to eat Sallah rice but you are wearing high waisted jeans. You are obviously not ready for life.

Don’t waste time in one place, collect all the meat you can and keep it moving.

The more places you hit, the more meat for you.

Don’t be disrespectful and show up at anyone’s house before they came back from prayers.

Please remember your home training.

Buy flagyl down because you will know you won Sallah when you spend the next day sitting over the toilet seat.

If anything must kill man, let it be enjoyment – Albert Einstein, 2018

Avoid soft drinks through out the day until you are ready to retire for the day.

The only thing you want filling your stomach up is Sallah meat and firewood Jollof.

Don’t venture out alone, assemble a crew of two or three people.

The more the merrier.

If you are stopping by a stranger’s house, then greet them properly don’t just enter the house and start looking for Sallah meat like you don’t have home training.

“Salam Aleikum, Happy Sallah”

If you have any other tips to help us collect plenty Sallah meat, please share don’t let us dull.