Zikoko’s Guide To Patronizing Online Vendors

February 25, 2021

You have probably been looking for ways to understand online vendors and ways to maybe get them to respond on time. We got you. We know how it can feel to have your eye on an item only for the vendor to be playing tinko-tinko with your heart and emotions. I know I mentioned yesterday that you should save your salary in this article, but in case you didn’t listen, here’s how to spend it.

1. Message them and get aired

The first step to ordering from a vendor is to message them, the probability of them replying though is 0-100. To DM is human, to air is divine. That’s the way it is.

E do usually pain sha

2. After being aired, camp in their comments section.

Give them no rest. If they can air your DMs, then they deserve no rest. Keep typing “check your dms” until they reply, unless it’s someone that isn’t ready to make money then sorry to you. 

Pov: You begging in their dm’s

3. They replied? Oya pay and get aired.

This must surely happen to you at least 10 times. You’ll pay and they’d suddenly disappear on you, your chest will start to hurt and fear will grip the walls of your bank account but fear not they will reply soon. They are just spraying money on themselves because this country is hard. If you were in their shoes wouldn’t you do the same?

The vendor and their friends the moment your money drops

4. Pace around your room and argue with the delivery man.

You know how in every action movie there is the final boss? Yeah, this is him. This conversation will either drain you completely or make you happy depending on if he tells you that he’s in Orimolade in Ikotun when you’re in Orimolade in Fagba.

All you can do at this point is pray

5 Get your package and take the rest of the day off.

We are proud of you for facing that hurdle, it couldn’t have been easy. Now take the day off and rest your head so you can live to do this another day.

You will lie to yourself that you’re not doing again, whatever makes you feel better innit

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