Zikoko’s Guide To Patronizing Online Vendors

February 25, 2021

You have probably been looking for ways to understand online vendors and ways to maybe get them to respond on time. We got you. We know how it can feel to have your eye on an item only for the vendor to be playing tinko-tinko with your heart and emotions. I know I mentioned yesterday that you should save your salary in this article, but in case you didn’t listen, here’s how to spend it.

1. Message them and get aired

The first step to ordering from a vendor is to message them, the probability of them replying though is 0-100. To DM is human, to air is divine. That’s the way it is.

E do usually pain sha

2. After being aired, camp in their comments section.

Give them no rest. If they can air your DMs, then they deserve no rest. Keep typing “check your dms” until they reply, unless it’s someone that isn’t ready to make money then sorry to you. 

Pov: You begging in their dm’s

3. They replied? Oya pay and get aired.

This must surely happen to you at least 10 times. You’ll pay and they’d suddenly disappear on you, your chest will start to hurt and fear will grip the walls of your bank account but fear not they will reply soon. They are just spraying money on themselves because this country is hard. If you were in their shoes wouldn’t you do the same?

The vendor and their friends the moment your money drops

4. Pace around your room and argue with the delivery man.

You know how in every action movie there is the final boss? Yeah, this is him. This conversation will either drain you completely or make you happy depending on if he tells you that he’s in Orimolade in Ikotun when you’re in Orimolade in Fagba.

All you can do at this point is pray

5 Get your package and take the rest of the day off.

We are proud of you for facing that hurdle, it couldn’t have been easy. Now take the day off and rest your head so you can live to do this another day.

You will lie to yourself that you’re not doing again, whatever makes you feel better innit

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 17, 2020

There’s a personality hidden inside every one of us that comes out when it’s time to japa. If you’re still in doubt, have a peep at some Nigerian behaviours we’ve noticed when it’s time to travel: The type that always stay strapped in case a 90s themed video shoot is happening at the airport the […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

November 28, 2022

Just hours to the planned November 26, 2022 resumption of operations on the Abuja-Kaduna railway corridor, the Federal Government announced a postponement. It’s not the first time the government has postponed a planned resumption since terrorists attacked the railway corridor in March. But more than the government’s erratic announcements and postponements, Nigerians remain worried about […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X