Why Do People Use These 8 Weird Things as Contraceptives?

September 3, 2022

We see a lot of hilarious things every day, from stolen penises to dancing senators. But one that cracks us up every time are the tricks women have devised in attempts to prevent pregnancy. Even though know they’re mostly just vibes, we’ll still talk about them

Antibiotics

This one sounds strange but we’ve heard it a few times. Word in some circles is that it “flushes” semen. Wouldn’t life be so simple if that were true? So many of Nigeria’s problems today could be easily flushed out — no names called. But it doesn’t work like that, please. Pregnancy is not typhoid.

weird things as contraceptives

Agbo jedi jedi

The confusion you felt when you saw that, we felt it too when we learnt about this format. We need someone to explain the connection between agbo jedi jedi and pregnancy to us because it looks like we all failed biology in school.

weird things as contraceptives

Walking up the stairs

People who use this method are OGs. We respect their knowledge of physics. Letting gravity do the work for you is a thing of brilliance.

Peeing immediately after sex

When you really think about it, this thing is like “2 + 2 = Jollof rice” because we all know you’re dealing with the wrong hole here.

weird things as contraceptives

RELATED: The Spiritual Implications Of Using Contraceptives According To This Insane Book


Lemon water after sex

Very soon, you people will come and say you don’t believe in jazz. What’s this one, please?

weird things as contraceptives

Champagne

You clearly enjoyed what you just finished doing and are now toasting to a job well done. Because why you’ll think Champagne qualifies as contraception is beyond all of us.  Boya, deep down, you want twins and you’re just lying to everybody?

weird things as contraceptives

7Up and Garri

This is what you get when Sapa takes a human form and decides to pursue a career in pharmacy.

Actual contraceptives

These ones have seen the real price of Cerelac and are not taking any chances. Y’all be fighting to stay safe with your 7Up and garri, but these ones will stick to proven birth control methods. We salute the wisdom.


NEXT READ: PSA: There Are a Ton Of Contraceptive Options Asides Condoms


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