Primary school was the ghetto. Everyone just gathered and lied to each other to impress. Why? We don’t know.
But the lies these people told are absolutely hilarious.
I always told my friends that my dad never beat me because I was a princess, and it was against the culture of the royal family. One day after school, while I repeating this lie, my dad, who’d come to pick me up, overheard and gave me one big abara in front of all my friends. If you see the way everyone burst out laughing.
During the holiday before JSS 1, I watched SpaceCamp and absolutely loved it. So when I resumed JSS 1, I told everyone who would listen that I went to a space camp, and they took us to space. Every single person believed me.
I think about it a lot.
When Omawumi dropped her single, In The Music, it immediately became my favourite song, and she became my favourite musician. So it was only right for me to convincingly tell all my classmates that Omawumi was my aunt. And I stuck with the story.
When I was in primary 4, a huge construction project sprang up near my school. I saw that people were wondering what the building was, so I took the opportunity to tell them it was my uncle’s house, and that since it was that big, my family was going to live with him. Every day, I gave them updates on the building project.
Two years later, after we’d left primary school, they completed the building. It was a hotel. I’m sure my classmates remember me as the girl who lied for two straight years.
I’m certain I’m not the only one that did that, so don’t judge me. I told my friends my dad owned a private jet.
Why did I even do that?
I didn’t lie; I just exaggerated a lot. One time, a fan fell on a friend’s head in another class, and I went to my class to tell everyone that the fan broke his skull. He only had a tiny scratch on his ear.
Another time, a classmate transferred to another school, and I told everyone he’d been kidnapped and killed.
In primary 6, I liked this girl, so towards the end of the session, I texted her, “I love you.” Her mum found the text and called me to insult me. I took it like a man. Where things got muddy was when, somehow, the entire class also found out.
To save face, I told them my phone had text message presets like “please call me”, “I can’t talk right now”, and “I love you”, and my hand mistakenly pressed the “I love you” one. That’s the story I stuck with until the situation passed.
I didn’t grow up with my birth parents, so whenever people asked me where my real dad was, I told them he was in Europe doing business. It’s true that he was in Europe, but he was in jail.
I lied that my textbook had torn, and that’s why I didn’t do my assignment, so my parents asked me to bring it. Instead of me to tear it with my hand, I quickly found a razor blade and started tearing random pages. Then I took my time and tore the assignment page well.
When I brought it, they first looked at each other and almost burst out laughing. I chopped cane that day ehn. Later, my mum told me I wasn’t a smart liar.
I told my friends my dad reached the max on the speedometer: 260 km/hr.