We used to think village people were the problem, and for a period, they might have been. But now, it’s artificial intelligence (AI). While you’re crying and fighting PHCN, shitty internet providers and all the many weapons Nigeria has fashioned against you, your employer is asking ChatGPT to write a draft of your termination letter.
So instead of dragging a job with AI, why don’t you just find something it can’t steal?
Here are some options for you:
Popping out babies
Even if you don’t agree, your Nigerian parents have you as their retirement plan. So maybe it’s time to consider having kids who’ll send you monthly allowances for bringing them to life. The only thing AI will get from Nigerians is unending requests because hospitals don’t have enough space for women’s antenatal, talkless of AI’s.
Pro: You’ll reap the fruits of your labour literally.
Con: What if your kids don’t rate you?
Related: ChatGPT won’t take my job but it might take my therapist’s
Start selling akara
Do you know how much people make from selling akara? Sure AI can write a 1500-word article from a single prompt, but you see that roadside akara recipe? It can only be passed down through generations. So get a small space in front of your house, and people will come and beg you to take their money in exchange for hot oily akara.
Pro: You’ll only have to work mornings and evenings, and people will pay you in cash.
Con: There are no cons, please.
We have proof: 10 Places To Make Over ₦30k Per Day From Selling Akara
Open a POS shop
If we’ve seen anything these past few months, it’s that POS people are the real ballers. They don’t just make you beg them to take your money, they’re also quick to change it for you if you try nonsense. So while AI can tell you where the money is, only POS people possess the power needed to actually dispense the cash.
Pro: Everybody will be rushing you
Con: You may have to sleep overnight at the bank to get cash
Become a bridesmaid or groomsman for hire
With the number of owambes in Nigeria, this cash cow is waiting to be discovered. Even if you don’t want a wedding, try burial ceremonies; at least you’ll finally be able to put all your tears to good use. The best part is AI will even give you ideas on how to land new clients, because that’s its job.
Pro: You get paid to eat free food and party
Con: Your weekends are no longer yours
Related: What She Said: My Current Job Is Having Rich Friends
Enter politics
Whether you want to be a politician or an agbero aid, it doesn’t matter. Just have a structure, and you’re good to go. You think AI can compete with the photoshopping, church tours, snatching of ballot boxes or any of the craziness that goes on in Nigerian politics? Lol, AI is all about living the soft life inside behind a screen so it’ll leave all that drama for you to deal with.
Pro: You don’t even have to do any work
Con: They’ll constantly drag you online
Become a babalawo
This job requires little capital; just get a red cloth, black eyeliner, white chalk,a mirror and throw in some cowries for a little razzle-dazzle. We’d like to see an AI attempt to turn someone into a tuber of yam or harvest the left testicle of a mosquito to use for money rituals.
Pro: You can punish all your haters
Con: You’re always a step away from madness
Become a Zikoko writer
We know AI is great, but it doesn’t have the bandwidth to tell you when you started secondary school or rank Nigerian songs according to twerkability.
Pro: AI can never match your crase
Con: You’ll have to crase
Also Read: A Guide To Becoming A Zikoko Writer
