14 Things That Are Too Real About Ushers In Nigerian Churches

May 15, 2016

1. When you come late and try to enter church while they are praying.

Better wait there.

2. When the usher tries to separate you from your squad.

Don’t biko.

3. When the usher tells you and your guys to “move forward”.

Why though?

4. When they make you sit behind the woman with the tallest gele.

Jisos!

5. When they tap you to stand up during prayers.

I’m ok like this.

6. When you’re using your bible app and they tell you to put your phone away.

What is it?

7. When you don’t have offering and the usher is still standing beside you.

Just go na!

8. How the ushers looks at you when you haven’t been to church all year then appear for Christmas Carol:

No vex.

9. When you start dozing off and the usher taps you.

Chai!

10. When you’re texting in church and an usher walks by.

Hay God!

11. When you save a seat for your friend and the usher asks “is anyone there?”

Uhm. Actually…

12. When you’re talking to your guy and the usher hears you.

Sorry sir.

13. You, when the usher still hasn’t given you offering envelope.

“HEYSSSS!!!”

14. The usher’s face, when you ask for N100 change for your offering.

Don’t judge me.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 30, 2023

Also: Hustleprint launches tomorrow! Vol 15 | 30-01-2023 View in Browser Brought to you by | Can you leave your career decisions to God? Before we get into today’s stories on money, I have an announcement. We’re launching a new flagship tomorrow. It’s a double-packed column where we interview someone successful in a field and […]

Recommended Quizzes

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X