1. When you come late and try to enter church while they are praying.

Better wait there.

2. When the usher tries to separate you from your squad.

Don’t biko.

3. When the usher tells you and your guys to “move forward”.

Why though?

4. When they make you sit behind the woman with the tallest gele.


5. When they tap you to stand up during prayers.

I’m ok like this.

6. When you’re using your bible app and they tell you to put your phone away.

What is it?

7. When you don’t have offering and the usher is still standing beside you.

Just go na!

8. How the ushers looks at you when you haven’t been to church all year then appear for Christmas Carol:

No vex.

9. When you start dozing off and the usher taps you.


10. When you’re texting in church and an usher walks by.

Hay God!

11. When you save a seat for your friend and the usher asks “is anyone there?”

Uhm. Actually…

12. When you’re talking to your guy and the usher hears you.

Sorry sir.

13. You, when the usher still hasn’t given you offering envelope.


14. The usher’s face, when you ask for N100 change for your offering.

Don’t judge me.


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