How To Be The Perfect Onigbese In Nigeria

May 2, 2016

1. When you want to borrow the money, be as humble as possible.

In fact, if you have to fall in love with them to get the money, do it.

2. Thank them well even when you have no intention of giving them the money back.

But they don’t know that.

3. For the first few days (or weeks) after borrowing the money, stay loyal.

You gotta make them feel comfortable.

4. When they ask you when you plan to return the money, never be straightforward.

If you’re in love it’s perfect. They won’t ask.

5. When they ask you for collateral for this money.

Give nothing!

Now to the hiding:

6. Make your Instagram account private.

Do not let them see you flexing.

7. If they’re on your Twitter timeline, you can’t tweet or even ‘lol’ at tweets.

Just save your fire tweets as drafts and ask God for help to gather the money.

8. When your phone is ringing and it’s them, do not pick.

Like, don’t touch the phone.

9. After a while, pick up and tell them your phone fell in the toilet or that you’ve been sick.

That scores you sympathy points or you can just say “I didn’t see your missed call”.

10. When they start shouting for their money, get angry too.

“Is it because of ordinary 45 million naira?”

11. If they catch you at a lit hangout, tell them your rich friend sponsored you.

Before they start thinking you have money.

12. When they don’t believe, ask if you can pay in installments.

1 million naira now, 44 million in 50 years.

13. But you already know it’s safer to avoid lit hangouts and just follow them online.

Sorry, but na you owe money.

14. When you see them walking towards you in public.

Run! Or hide.

15. If you think you might never pay them back, block them across the digital universe.

Just hope they don’t know your house!

16. Or die.

That way you win. You never have to pay.

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