18 Things That Are Too Real For Any Nigerian Who Has Ever Gone House Hunting

January 19, 2016

1. When you first think that living on your own will be the best thing you could do.

…and thus begins your search.

2. When you actually convince yourself that you can find great houses online without going outside.

LMAO! Haha! LOL!

3. But seeing an apartment that actually matches its online description is like discovering oil in Lagos.

Why so much lying?

4. When you start to realize that what you WANT and what you can AFFORD are vastly different things.

HAY GOD!

5. You put so many hours into looking for a place that it soon becomes a full-time job, except for one small difference: You’re not getting paid.

This is nonsense!

6. When you say you want a house in ‘Sabo, Yaba’, so the agents start trying to convince you that Maryland is also in Yaba.

I’m so confused!

7. When you think you’ve found a place, then you realize no buses, kekes or even bikes are in the area.

Really? And you want me to live here?

8. When they show you a self-contained in a certifiable dump, and say it’s 400k and they want two years up front.

Are you mad?

9. When you ask about the light situation and they say ‘normal Nigerian light’. And you just know you will never see light again.

Why am I doing this again?

10. When you find a great house, and it’s way out of your price range.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

11. When you realize that high standards = homeless.

See my life. *sheds standards*

12. When you finally find a perfect place within your range and someone walks in and pays in front of you.

Wait, what just happened?

13. When you seriously start considering moving back in with your parents.

They love me. They will accept me.

14. When you finally lower your standards and move into a place.

And you’re stuck there for at least a year.

15. When you realize that ‘secure environment’ means ‘they probably won’t kill you’.

My mummy…

16. And that you should have asked beforehand if a place has all the things you’ll need to survive, you know, like burglary proof, or a changeover switch.

My God!

17. When you discover that you’ve inherited the water, light, and waste bills of the previous tenant.

Is that how life is?!

18. When one of your friends wants to move out of their parents’ house.

You know nothing.

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