Your 9 to 5 is not going to fund your dream house. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what job you should be doing instead.
Before you complain about the housemates in #BBTitans, take this quiz to know if you deserve to be in the house.
Questions
This is a question
Who was the Big Brother Naija host before Ebuka?
The Big Brother Naija season three was also known as:
Complete this: This is ____________
“E jig” is to _______ as “Period” is to _______
Which ex housemate is this?
Which of these ex housemates was disqualified?
Which ex housemate is this?
Who was the runner up of Big Brother Naija: Lockdown
Which of these ex housemates was a nurse?
You got #{score}/#{total}!
From what we can see, you probably don’t watch Big Brother and you know what? That’s fine.
You got #{score}/#{total}!
You tried! You can audition but we’re not sure you’ll enter the house. Sorry ehn.
You got #{score}/#{total}!
Osheyyyy!!! Best in Big Brother! You better audition for the next BBN because you should be in that house.
Ever wondered what kind of house you would settle in? Take this quiz to find out.
You have two minutes to unscramble these household items.
Do you think you’d kill it? Show us:
You unscrambled #{score}/#{total}
You didn’t try at all na.
You unscrambled #{score}/#{total}
You did well.
You unscrambled #{score}/#{total}
You did amazing!
You unscrambled #{score}/#{total}
Your brain is sharp! Show us the way.
So you’ve moved out of your parents’ house because you want to live on your own. You’ve gone through the stress of house hunting in Nigeria and found the perfect place. You’ve even paid for it so you think the stress is over. Lol
You’re wrong.
1) Blinds
If you think these things are cheap, prepare to have your head spin as the blinds installer guy comes to your house, measures your windows and charges you N60,000 per window. You might just be better off with cloth curtains.
2) Furniture
You’re strongly going to consider eschewing chairs, tables, bed frames, etc and chilling on the floor when you find out that a good couch set costs like N250,000 upwards.
3) Mattress
When your favourite online store lets you know that quality king size mattress you had in your parents’ house costs from like N50,000 and above, you’ll long for the days of raffia mats.
4) Television
Sure, you could get a 32 inch but that’s going to make every character that shows up on screen look like an Oompa Loompa. You’ll want a 40 inch one at least, and the quality smart ones cost….a lot more than you think TVs cost.
5) Air Conditioner
This one won’t just wreck your bank account when you buy it, it’ll keep doing damage by dramatically increasing your electricity bill every month. Remember that in Nigeria, you get little to no breaks from the heat.
This is a safe space.
1) They have plants.
House plants to be specific.
2) They have long-ass mirrors in the bedroom, parlour, and bathroom.
Alongside ten other small mirrors littered all around the house.
3) The inside is painted white.
Is this heaven?
4) You’ll see scented candles of every size.
5) Their workstation/table looks like it cost an arm and a leg.
Look at all that gear.
6) You always ask yourself: Is this Nigeria?
The sunlight is just different.
7) They aim for minimalist designs.
Because their money is loud.
8) There’s art in the house.
It’s only people who have eaten that can afford art please.
9) They have duvet instead of wrapper/covering cloth.
What happened to good old cover cloth?
10) There are bottles of different type of weird sounding wines in their house.
It now has date attached to it. Something something 92 bottle.
11) Bonus point: If they have a dog, it lives in the house with them.
And it eats dog food, not eba.
Image sources:
Mark Essien
Dimma Umeh
Pinterest
Renting an apartment in Lagos is harder than finding a pin in the groundnut pyramid. No matter how prepared you are for the drama, there will always be something that blindsides you, even if you are an old hand at it.
Since we are good people that always got your back, we curated nine things you are bound to encounter when house-hunting in Lagos;
1) Be ready to fill a form that requires much more details than an international passport form:
Your agent will surely give you a document filled with inane questions such as; “What is your grandmother’s maiden name?”, “What’s your village home address?”, “Fill in the details of five guarantors.” The most ridiculous thing? This is BEFORE they take you to see a house! The agent will explain that it is necessary and oh, would you pay for the form to assure them of your seriousness to rent a house?
2) Be ready to see all sort of ridiculous structures:
Clearly, most Lagos houses were built without a blueprint. How else will you describe the rationale behind having a toilet in a kitchen?
3) Brace yourself for the moment your agent asks for more:
Halfway through taking you round a billion unsuitable apartments, the agent will suddenly look at your irritated face in a pensive way before he says; “The good ones within your budget were taken before you came but I have several houses you’d love! It’s just that it’s more than your stated budget.”
4) Unreasonable T&C’s apply to that very good apartment:
After the trauma of seeing nonsense, you’ll finally see an apartment that seems custom made for you! However, the sledgehammer comes when the agent tells you the terms and conditions to be met, which often border on the point of outrageous. One of the most famous is; “Only someone of a particular tribe can rent this house.”
5) Get ready to meet the owner–you might leave emotionally scarred:
The next phase of inane, intrusive questioning loaded with discrimination is about to come your way. Be ready for tribalism; why they don’t rent to Igbo’s, Hausa’s or Yoruba’s.
And if it’s a live in home owner, chances are you will be told about a house curfew, somewhat like; “Nobody leaves this house until 7 am and must be back by 8 pm”. All explanations about how that won’t be feasible for you, will be said on your way out. Compromise is not their forte.
6) Procure the husband/fiance or buh-bye!
If you love the house but are seeing signs that you might not get to rent because of the sexist demands of your prospective landlord, it may be wise to pay a stand-in to act as your fiance or husband, or maybe create a fictional character who leaves in the abroad. You might wanna have a backup on that fib though, in case they ask to facetime him sistah!
No, being an independent woman isn’t enough, their sexism wouldn’t let them see that you can handle your own thang.
7) Youth discrimination is a badge of honor for some home owners:
If you are young, grabbing the bag and decide to rent a house, you’ll be sure to encounter questions like; “This one you’re carrying laptop, are you sure you are not doing Yahoo?”, ” Where did you get money for rent?”, “Why are you leaving your parents?”
Then demands will come; “I want to speak to your parents, I must advice them on how to train children”, “Goan get letter from your office, I won’t rent to you if I don’t see it o”, “Don’t bring friends to this house, I must not see boys or girls entering this place anyhow.”
8) Be prepared for questions about belongings:
Oh yeah! Because your car will disturb the other two already in the compound. And your freezer and oven is gonna make the electricity bill skyrocket. Even worse? The fact that you have so many clothes means you go out often which means you’ll shower a lot hence the water rates will increase because of YOU.
Cut down a lil’ on your items, sell them off bruh!
9) Expect to pay the outstanding utility bills of past tenants:
If you make the mistake of not asking to see if there are pending bills before you pay rent then you’ll probably end up paying hundreds of thousands for utilities you didn’t use, alongside your bills. The home owner usually gives the “old tenants” excuse when asked about how that came to be.
1. When you need to get somewhere by 8 am and the driver strolls in at 7:45.
Welcome oh! Oga super!
2. When you are running errands and he decides you are taking too long and goes off on his own.
Na wa oh!
3. When you try to change the radio station, he looks at you like:
Try it first!
4. When he decides he wants to go and eat but you need to get somewhere urgently, he’s like:
Nothing for you oh!
5. When the only person he listens to is your dad and you try to give him instructions.
Can you imagine?
6. When you see his facebook and he has used all the family cars to do photoshoot.
Ahn ahn!
7. When his girlfriends come looking for him and ask for “Oga Cletus”.
Oga? From where to where?
8. When you interrupt him while he’s toasting the maid.
“What do you want now?”
9. When he’s in a bad mood and you greet him.
See me see trouble!
10. When you finally learn to drive and no longer need him, you’re like!
Everyday for the thief, one day for the owner!
1. When everybody has woken up to start the day but she is still snoring away.
Can you imagine?
2. When you have to wake her up, you’re like:
Ah this woman is going to abuse me!
3. When you ask her what’s for breakfast, she looks at you like:
“Come and eat me!”
4. When your parents send you to ask her to do something….
Please ask her to do it by yourself!
5. …Then you get so scared you just do it yourself.
Hard work has never killed anyone!
6. When she comes into the sitting room and you know you have to change the channel to what she wants to watch.
Time for Telemundo!
7. When she is eating and you go and disturb her, she answers you like:
“Can’t you see I’m doing something!”
8. When your mum and dad get tired of her “big madam” behaviour and ask her to go.
Pack your load and goooooo!
1. When they wake up in the morning and start shouting in the name of “prayer”.
2. When they start unnecessary argument during tenants meeting.
3. When they come to your house to “borrow something” you know they will never return.
4. When they start trying to send you on errands like they pay your rent.
5. When they haven’t paid their rent and want to turn it into everybody’s business.
6. When they throw party and block the whole compound with canopies.
7. When they don’t invite you for the party.
8. When they start asking you about your “visitors”.
9. When your parents come to visit you and they accost them to start reporting you.
10. When you just finish cooking and they come to “visit”.
