The Secret Horror Story of Every Girl Learning to Swim in Nigeria

June 2, 2017

You tell some guys you want to swim and I swear to God they hear something else entirely

giphy.gif ‘Mhm, gyal fi off dem cloth for boys by di pool!’

You show up at a hotel (because all the best swimming pools come with hotels attached, duh)

giphy.gif All your friends will now be gossiping in their secret WhatsApp group that you have now ‘spoil’. Eya. And na good girl before.

You approach a reasonable-looking gentleman, like, ‘pardon me, dear sir, but could you teach me how to swim?’

giphy.gif As a good girl with decent upbringing yuno.

And the guy is smiling like:

So you innocently take off your shirt to wear a perfectly normal swimsuit

giphy.gif Alert: summer body has finished loading.

Next thing, your milkshake has brought all the boys to the yard like

200.gif

You enter the swimming pool for your lessons from this nice gentleman. Next thing he’s ‘accidentally’ touching breast

giphy.gif HIANNNNNNNN!

“Oga, is this how they used to do the butterfly stroke?”

giphy.gif

What is that touching my back? OH GOD SIR WHAT’S GOING DOWN IN THIS SWIMMING POOL?

giphy.gif

And this is why, no matter how many times we have tried, some women can still not swim

giphy.gif Do better, guys.
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