As if Lagos traffic is not stressful enough on its own, you must always run into these characters who take it upon themselves to just frustrate your life.
The ones who take it upon themselves to become traffic coordinators.
Kuku go and join LASTMA now.
The ones who are always begging to change lane once they see small space.
Oga face your front and stay in your lane.
The ones who want to try and use their wealth to frustrate you but your God is bigger than them.
Wo madam Rolls Royce please pass in front of me. It’s not me that’ll scratch your car and carry gbese.
What of the ones that must buy something from every hawker that should pass.
Oga but what are you buying vuvuzela for now. You dey go Russia?
You must jam one ‘big man’ that will come and use siren to clear road for himself and cause confusion.
Na wa o. You can’t exercise small patience.
The danfo drivers that are always trying to help you remove your side mirror.
You better look well, if you remove my glass I’ll seize your bus.
Then there are the ones who will roll down their windows and start swearing for everybody’s mother.
Please o better go and face Ambode.
Those ones that will just be sleeping like they are in their bedroom.
Please let me pass, you no sleep for night?
There are the ones who always come prepared to die in the traffic.
Food? Check. Neck pillow? Check. Series? Check. I’ll kill this Lagos before it kills me.
The ones that will get down from their car to go and do God knows what and then cause even more traffic.
Are you a baby? you can’t sit in one place abi?
The annoying ones that’ll turn their horns into toy.
Am I a witch? Do you think I can fly? You better calm down there.
Then there are the ones that must sha bash someone’s car.
Are you blind? Abi you were sleeping?
Last last we sha can’t blame any of them. It’s this Lagos that is trying to kill us.