There are so many scientific theories that have impacted our lives today; from the general and special theory of relativity, to the Laws of Motion etc.
But have you ever applied these scientific theories to our experiences as Africans??
1. The Theory of Immovability.
This theory states that African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc. We are just saying oh!
2. The Speed of the Flying Slap.
While the speed of light is approximately 3.00×108 m/s, every African child knows that when you dare talk back to your African mother, the speed of her flying slap is at least 2 times the speed of light.
3. What is the correct Theory of Quantum Gravity Jollof Rice?
We may never know. In the last few decades, researchers have pursued the problem of every country insisting their Jollof is better. The results have been inconclusive. Ghanaian, Gambian or Nigerian? Who knows?!
4. African Presidents’ First Law of Motion.
Every African president remains in a state of constant motion unless an external force is applied to it – like reelection. Or international crisis.
5. The Relationship Complexity.
The Relationship Complexity simply states that an ex who dumped you and/or has moved on never sees you on the day you’re well dressed. They’re more likely to see you on the day you look like a housegirl or houseboy.
6. The Quantum Theory of African Happiness.
Every African remains impermeable to suffering and pain. We smile through it all. Forex tanking, smile. Oil crisis, smile. Use an American man to portray an African man, beaming smile.
7. Oxygen Theory of Body Odour.
The intensity of the heat in a public transport vehicle is directly proportional to the amount of body odour one is likely to suffer.
8. Information Theory of Customer Service.
The way to survive as an African making a complaint is to assume that the customer service personnel is NOT there to help you. Always assume that they’re having a bad day. Or exchange fire for fire. That last one is fun.
9. The Running Kenyans Revelation.
The working theory here is that Kenyans (or Ethiopians) are infinitely sustained and speedily drawn to the finish line in a long distance race. Try as you may, you cannot finish before them.
10. The African Market Touch Factor.
The relationship between how many times you’re touched, dragged, asked to buy curtain or called in a Nigerian market is directly proportional to how crowded the market is. In this law the more crowded the market is, the more likely you are to get called ‘Ada’.
11. Nollywood Theory of Impossibility.
Only in Nollywood, Ghollywood and Wakaliwood does the impossible happen so effortlessly. From flying bullets grazing the arm but the bleeding coming from the stomach. And a ghost wearing a wristwatch.
12. The PHCN Disappointment Theory.
PHCN Disappointment Theory revolves around the notion that Nigerians who build decisions such as cooking or ironing around PHCN light will ultimately be disappointed – while sweating. This theory has been utilized in examining such diverse decision-making processes as not ironing or charging your phone immediately they bring light because you think it will last etc.
13. The Sunday Rice Hypothesis.
The probability of you as an African eating rice on a sunday as opposed to anything else is 500 billion:1. No one is cooking you anything else abeg. Please sit down.
14. The African Dance Permeation.
Every year, across Africa, there is always a new wave of dancing. We started from the Alanta and yahooze to skelewu and azonto and we are now at the shoki and shakitibobo dance era. Dabbing may be included too.
In the words of twitter theorist, @boozebumps, most Africans have attended the Keshi Shaolin Temple of the Higher Shoki.
15. The Ice Cream – Cookie Container Duality Equation.
Ice cream and cookie containers have found dual uses in African households. Every African child knows that that ice cream container probably contains egusi and the cookie container most likely contains sewing materials.
Hope for cookie/Ice cream α 1/betrayal
16. The Career Optionality Factor.
Your career path must be along the lines of medicine, law, engineering, politics or a disgrace to the family.
17. The Work Experience Conundrum.
As a young African, the reality almost always hits you around the age of 21/22 that you need work experience to get the job and you need a job to get work experience.
18. The Nigeria-Zimbabwe Exchange Rate Similarity.
When the Zimbabwean currency was depreciating, Nigerians had jokes. Naturally. But now we are in a similar currency condition. The Zimbabwean dollar and the Nigerian Naira are roughly proportional in value.
19. The Law of Impossible Expression of Affection.
Your parents will never literally tell you they love you because they believe feeding you is the ultimate show of love and affection.
“I’d just watched this K-drama called Today’s Webtoon. The main character’s dad was helping her make big decisions in her life, unwilling to listen to what she wanted, and I could relate to that struggle.” @_sandychics
The subjects of this week’s Love Life, Femi* (28) and Feyitan* (26), who’ve been together for three years, met at an internship in Jumia. They fell for each other during training at Access Bank, but ended up dating other people till they kissed at a friend’s wedding.
“I’m this close to breaking down” — What happens when, for whatever reason, you have to move back in with your parents after living on your own terms? We asked five people and got interesting responses.
We heard Wizkid has a song with Ayra Starr, and now we can’t keep calm. Here’s everything else you need to know about Big W’s upcoming album #MoreLoveLessEgo
While this might seem like a relatively easy quiz, there’s a tiny twist. We are challenging you to correctly identify all the capitals of Nigeria’s 36 states without singing that song we all learnt in primary school.
The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]
In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:
At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:
Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]
Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]
Are you a Nigerian Student? Are you in a relationship with a fellow Nigerian student? If your answer to these questions is “yes”, then definitely understand these struggles stated below The roommate that does not understand privacy You have been telling Cynthia about how bae is coming over for some private time since the beginning […]
Phillipine movies usually follow a pattern that has become obvious and annoying. Consider this list a documentation of that annoyance by once loyal fans.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.