Agbalumo season is here again, and that means we need to address some agbalumo-eating etiquette concerns. So that if you see someone eating it in any of these six ways and you call an angry mob to beat them, you’ll be well within your rights.
These are the six unacceptable things to do while eating agbalumo.
1. Slicing it open with a knife.
No long story, here. Just call the police. That person is a terror to society.
2. Squeezing their face while eating it.
Anybody that squeezes their face while eating agbalumo is weak, and must be exposed at once. Ordinary small fruit, you are squeezing your face? Shior.
3. If they start eating it from the bottom, they’re cultists.
The only right way to eat agbalumo is by biting it open from the pointy top. If you see someone opening it any other way, they’re a menace and must be treated as such.
4. If they don’t roll it on the wall and sing.
Some people want to take away our customs and traditions and we must stop them before they do. If you don’t sing before you open an agbalumo, how will it be sweet?
5. If they don’t turn it to chewing gum, fight them.
Simple as A-B-C. The lifecycle of an abgalumo starts as fruit and ends as chewing gum. There’s no other way.
6. Sucking only the seeds.
What happened to the other parts of the fruit? Ehn?