Why Are We Still Living In This Lagos?

December 27, 2018

About two weeks ago, I was caught up in traffic for five hours on Eko bridge. It’s not that I went to a couple of places that day, and spent a cumulative of five hours in traffic — no.

What happened was, I decided to take part in you people’s Detty December rocks, and because I didn’t invite Uncle Ambode to Quilox with me, I was punished with 5 back to back hours on Lagos’ shakiest, most trailer-laden bridge.

See my frustration in this tweet, and this was only the first hour oh, LOL for myself.

By the third hour, I had cursed everybody responsible for Lagos’ government. So if you or your daddy have been dropping non-stop and embarrassingly loud farts in public spaces, just know that’s my work.

I couldn’t for the life of me understand what I was still doing in Lagos, so I started doing the Math towards moving to Ibadan, finding my 200k, 5-bedroom mansion and starting a new, traffic-free life there. I was finally cancelling Lagos, and that was that.

To be honest, there is every reason to feel this way. We are just not living right in this state. If you’re doubtful, here are some of the reasons you should be considering checking out too:

Have you seen where you’d be on your own and a whole trailer would be speeding and dragging road with you like it’s a Picanto? Catch that live in Lagos. The humility I always use to beg whoever’s driving me to steer clear of those mad people is not from here. I can even hands up in the car. It’s not me you’ll kill for my mother.

See Lagos, see dirt. I don’t know about you, but I am tayad of seeeing dirt on the roads and in gutters. If we don’t take time, as we’re dropping the first leg once we wake up, it would land in a pile of rubbish. I am here to tell you brethren, that this is no way to live.

Anyway, by hour 4.5 in that mad traffic, my friend who had been keeping me company the whole time- told me about this mad rocks happening in VI the very next day, followed by a boat cruise later that weekend. And would you believe it, just like that, Lagos started looking fine to me again. Miracle wonda!

Next thing you know, I started thinking – is the traffic really that bad? Won’t it clear one day? If dirt is blocking my way, is it not to push it one side? If the trailer stays on its lane and I on mine, God no go vex abi?

See, for all its faults, there’s no place that can kill you with enjoyment like Lagos. You can try, but you won’t find. Plus Lagos has beaches and Ibadan has… Shoprite. So that my mansion, it might have to wait for now.

Anyway, that’s my love-hate story on this loca Lagos state. To hear what other, way more fun people think about living in Lagos, make sure to check out this episode of “Nigerian’s Talk” , where the cast share their feelings on what they hate about Lagos and how they use their insufficient funds to handle all of its rocks.

Boyin Plumptre

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