What Happens When You Have 400 Boys, 24 Toilet Stalls And Erratic Water Supply?

November 5, 2018

You’re finally in University! So what if they gave you Yoruba education when you wanted Medicine? school is school!

Or did we lie?

You probably were a little confused when you got to your hostel. Is this a guard room? Were they robbed?

Surely there must be a mistake!

Only there’s no mistake, this is your life for the next 4-7 years. Let’s see what ASUU decides sha.

Brace yourself!

On a normal level, forget 4 man-rooms in Nigerian hostels. Multiply 4 by 5 and we can start talking

8 on the beds and 14 lying down is actually one of the good rooms oh!

If that’s bad, squatters can start dragging bed space with you. You’ can even hear “sorry, I didn’t know you wanted to sleep this night”

You snooze, you lose in a boys hostel. Facts only!

In the mornings, what better way to wake up than to the sweet sound of your hostel mate screaming for you to be born again?

He’s just trying to save your soul, pls pls.

Spiderman, okada and shot-put, If you don’t know what these mean, we can’t help you

If you know, you know.

If you ever dropped the soap when taking your bath, that’s the floor’s soap now

In fact, if you fell when taking your bath, just leave yourself for the floor.

When you were taking your bath and someone suddenly wanted to help you rub soap where you missed

Hello, hope all is well?

Did anyone else know a guy that didn’t even have admission, but somehow got bed space in Uni?

Ask what they’re doing and they’ll say they’re waiting for one or two things to click.

Those nights when NEPA takes light and boys can’t sleep, that’s when community therapy starts

That’s when you’ll start hearing boys complaining how they’re on their extra, extra, extra year.

If you didn’t suddenly realise you could cook when you were at your brokest, did you even go to Uni?

There is such a thing as water soup and it’s not as bad as it sounds.

When the atmosphere of relaxation is too much and boys suddenly produce drums and start playing from room to room

Those parties were actually the littest

The cruise in boy’s hostels was actually too much. What were your best moments in hostel?

Boyin Plumptre

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

January 7, 2020

Anxiety is a monster, making you do absurd things sometimes. Or all the time, depending on the size of the monster living in your head. Here are 7 things anyone who’s dealt with anxiety will relate to: 1. Practicing conversations in your head before having them You also replay those conversations in your head after […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 12, 2021

You’re having a normal conversation with an anime watcher and they suddenly break into Japanese because they think everyone around them understands. We’ve been there too, so we’ve decided to compile a list of the possible things they’ll say and their meanings. You’re welcome. 1. Nani Nani simply means “What”, but the way anime characters […]

April 12, 2021

As Told To Itohan For a while now, I had been asking people what the most interesting parts about their love life. So, when someone reached out to me and said she fell in love with her Uncle, I wondered if I was reading right. The person in today’s As Told To is *Anna, a […]

April 12, 2021

You probably think you transform to Beyoncé or Celine Dion when those earphones come in and you start singing those lyrics out from your heart, but we are sorry to break it to you that you mostly sound like a squeaking rat. Here is a list of songs you should not sing along to with […]

April 12, 2021

I am genuinely fascinated by relationship dynamics between Nigerians especially when it comes to giving gifts to their partners. So I set out to speak to as many Nigerian men who were willing to speak to me and asked them who the most generous partner they’ve ever had is. And the answers amazed me. Here […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

More from General

February 19, 2021

Last weekend was truly a celebration of love as Union Bank x BellaNaija Weddings made dreams come true with a free surprise proposal for one couple and an all-expenses-paid wedding for another couple!  And just like that. Notey Akpotive and Obiora Chibuzor are now onestep closer to their happily ever after, thanks to Union Bank x BellaNaija Weddings […]

December 1, 2020

December 1st is World AIDS Day. It is a day to raise awareness about AIDS. We spoke to Doctor Opeyemi, to tell us some facts about the disease, common misconceptions and how to care for people living with AIDS. 1) AIDS AIDS (Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome) is the late stage manifestation of the viral infection […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X