You’ll think of the farthest hospital from your house you can go to for the test.
So no one will see you. If you live in Isolo, go to a hospital in Ikorodu.
You’ll wonder if the nurse attending to you thinks you’re a giant whore.
Don’t judge me please.
You’ll wonder if the other people in the waiting area also think you’re a giant whore.
All of you should mind your business.
As the nurse draws your blood and takes it to the lab, you’ll wonder what your life will be like if the results come back positive.
Everything will scatter.
How your family will react.
How your friends will react.
You’ll think of how you’ll possibly be able to afford the drugs.
You’re broke.
At this point, it’s been 30 mins. You’ll see the nurse coming back with the envelope and you’ll wonder why she has that sad look on her face.
Jesus!
She’ll call you to a corner and you’ll wonder why the hell she’s stressing you out like this.
God please let this be over already.
She’ll hand you the envelope and watch you open it with your hands shaking and you’ll think
She’s here to give me counseling. IT IS FINISHED!!!
The result says negative. You’ll look at the nurse in disbelief and think
WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT DRAMA ABOUT?!
Like she can read your mind, she’ll lean in and whisper quietly in your ear
Go out and whore no more.
She’ll hand you a handkerchief to wipe your sweat with.
It turns out that the nurse’s name is Hannah and she has monogrammed handkerchiefs that she hands out because she does this kind of thing all the time.
This will be you the moment you leave the hospital.
YASSSS GAWWWWDD!!!
Unless of course your story ends differently, in which case……
Enjoyed this? Read this next article to find out 11 crazy and common myths about HIV/AIDS.
If you grew up in Nigeria, chances are that you would have heard someone say: “Do you know what I am?” It’s the most common question thrown in the most random of conversations. Here are perfect answers to this question: 1) Kainene? I always knew you would come back home. I was sure. 2) Do […]
Like every other thing that comes from Nigeria, your international passport just wants to travel out, enjoy life and flex on the gram but you no get money. *insert clown emoji* So here is everything your international passport wants to say to you. It’s another frustrating day in Buhari’s country. Rain water has entered your […]
The subject of today’s Abroad life is a 35-year-old man who has lived many lives. He talks about being rejected three times by the US embassy, the bad state of the Nigerian education system, and how freelancing paid for his japa. When did you decide that you wanted to leave Nigeria? I’d always passively wanted […]
On today’s episode of Interview With, we spoke with the BBNaija Eye about the new season of the BBNaija show and the level of chaos that is bound to come.
Modern day beauty standards sets a high bar for what society considers attractive. Anything outside the small box is considered unappealing, without consideration for the emotional and mental well-being of people living in those bodies. I met Tayo* through a comment he left on a Zikoko Instagram post about fatphobia, as he had gone through […]
Every Nigerian has at least one of these kinds of Uncles in their family 1) Mr I’d get back to you He’s the one that you ask for a favour and he always tells you he’d get back to you. The thing is, he never does. It’ll save everyone’s time and energy if he just […]
Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]
2020 is almost over, and while we spent most of the year indoors, we are sure that didn’t stop y’all from increasing your body count. So, we’ve created a quiz that knows how many people you slept with this year. Take to find out:
Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]
Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:
Are you straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual or asexual? Well, we are willing to bet that this quiz knows. Just pick a few of your favourite things and we’ll reveal your sexual orientation. Give it a shot:
Almost every guy has received that worried call from their girl, saying those words that make your stomach turn to water: “My period is late.” Immediately, you will just become weak and start feeling a ton of emotions. Here are some of the emotions you feel when your girl says her period is late. 1. […]
The University authorities released a statement addressing the rise of Covid-19 cases in UNILAG on Tuesday after this tweet was made. Huh ??? Covid outbreak in Unilag ??? https://t.co/LbH5Xv3nM7 – Jahmal (@JahmalUsen) July 12. 2021 The statement reads, Read more here. School activities were going on as normal, even after several Covid-19 positive students were […]
What do you do before you breakup with someone? Well, you should try out any of these seven things. 1) Eat A hungry man is an angry man. So sometimes the reason you want to break up with your partner is because you’ve not had some good food in a while. Before you type that […]
After refusing to accept his sexuality in Nigeria, today’s subject on Abroad Life moved to the US in 2015. He talks about how his relationship with God, his parents and church members made him realise that he had to accept his sexuality. When did you decide that you were going to move to the US? […]
“OMG, I love Zikoko.” We hate to break it to you, but only the true lovers of Zikoko can score 10 out of 10 on this quiz. We’ll definitely catch you here if you’ve been trying to scope us all the while. Oya take the quiz. Psst! Did you know you can contribute as low […]
Everyone is secretly the product of an old Nollywood couple combination. Take this quiz to find out which old Nollywood couple combination you secretly are.
Last weekend was truly a celebration of love as Union Bank x BellaNaija Weddings made dreams come true with a free surprise proposal for one couple and an all-expenses-paid wedding for another couple! And just like that. Notey Akpotive and Obiora Chibuzor are now onestep closer to their happily ever after, thanks to Union Bank x BellaNaija Weddings […]
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.