Nigerian parents like to say, “You can tell me anything”, then turn around and use what you say against you. In case you’re new to their game, this also applies to the people you introduce to them.
You might think you’re just being a good child, but introduce these seven people to your parents at your own risk.
Sure, it’s just introducing the person who gives you your daily bread to the people who brought you into this world. But answer this: what happens when you run crying to your parents about your boss, and they decide to call or visit them to hash things out? How will you explain yourself at the office?
Your partner who isn’t really your partner
Your sneaky link, your fling, that person you’ve been following around town who has refused to label things because they’re shy. Take them to your parent’s house, and prepare for the hounding to come. Every time your parents see you, they’ll ask about “what’s their face”, and you’ll have to hide your face.
Your best friend’s parents
You might think it’s cute to get both parents to know each other. Lies. They’ll only join forces and tag team you and your best friend. We’re not saying you should deprive your parents of a great friendship in their old age. We’re saying, prepare yourself.
Your parents already have their plug for everything in life, but the second you introduce them to yours, it’s over for you. Their plug will suddenly stop existing, and yours will become the best thing since gizdodo. Worse yet, your plug will dump you entirely for them because they know who has the deeper pocket. Fun fact: it’s not you.
You know the one with the tattoos and piercings even your elder ones with tattoos and piercings would look twice at? Yeah, it’s best to keep them away from your parents for your sanity.
Some colleagues shouldn’t know your house. Not because they’re horrible people, but because they hold secrets in their back pockets, like where you go after work or what you do during your lunch break. If you work at Zikoko, it could be because your colleagues are batshit crazy.
So you’ve moved out of your parent’s house, and they decided to come see you at your new place. We have one piece of advice for you: keep your neighbours away, especially the overly friendly ones. One second, they’re greeting your mother. The next, they’re exchanging contacts, and she’s calling them every time she can’t reach you. Now, everyone in your neighbourhood calls you mummy’s baby.