9 Affirmations Every Nigerian Should Chant Before Leaving Home Every Day

November 18, 2021

As a Nigerian living in Nigeria, there are days you’ll need a little help so you don’t lose your mind. The nine affirmations below do not guarantee that Nigeria and its citizens won’t do their best to break you. It means that while you’re surrounded by chaos, you’ll at least be trying to manifest a better attitude. 

1. “I will not curse anybody’s mother today.” 

Everybody in Nigeria is frustrated. As soon as you step out, someone will definitely annoy you. It’s up to you to be the bigger person and leave their mothers out of the insults they deserve. Chanting this affirmation before stepping outside will help you choose peace every day. 

2. “Glucose guardian, locate me. And when you do, don’t use me for ritual.” 

This is a very valid affirmation because it’s one thing to find a glucose guardian and another thing to find one that isn’t into trading people’s destiny for wealth. Then again, what are you currently using your destiny for?? It might be time to cash it in for an all-expense-paid trip to Seychelles. Destiny is nice, but memories are forever. 

3. “I did not kill my mother so Nigeria will not kill me.”

On any given day, there are so many ways Nigeria can kill you. Nigeria’s algorithm can’t be rigged because it doesn’t even work in the first place. You could have a run-in with an okada driver that has a death wish, the roads could give in, the government could import cheap but harmful foods that make your organs shrivel e.t.c. This affirmation is compulsory, not necessary. 

4. “Disrespect is reciprocal.” 

If respect is reciprocal, it’s only fair that disrespect should have the same quality. No one should be burdened with choosing peace every day. If someone moves mad for no reason, move madder. You’ll feel better. Trust us.

5. “Credit alert locate me. Debit alert avoid me.” 

It’s now a running joke that if you breathe in Nigeria, N1k will leave your account. This affirmation helps you manifest more credit alerts than debits. As your crying and praying haven’t worked, there’s no harm in trying something different.

6. “If my boss tries to cost me my heavenly race, we will meet in hell.” 

Sometimes choose violence. Just because we called them affirmations doesn’t mean they must be nice. If your boss decides to make life difficult for you, while you’re slaving to capitalism and making a salary that barely pays rent, nobody will blame you for choosing violence. Good luck keeping your job, though. 

7. ‘Naira, rise!..”

The goal of this affirmation is to manifest a Nigeria that is human friendly. If the naira increases, the cost of living will reduce and people are less likely to randomly slap you on the road for no reason. Imagine a Nigeria with happy people. 

8. “I am love and I am light. Me and conductors will not fight.” 

There are principalities and powers, and then there are conductors. These guys bring out the worst in everybody. If you have to enter public transport often, chant this under your breath while they do their best to frustrate you. The worst that can happen is that it works and one less person will insult your mother unprovoked.  

9. “This country is not my home. Abroad is the goal.” 

You need to say this as you go about your daily life. Say it as you’re in a Keke napep with no roof. Say it as you buy sardine for N700, say it as you stand in a long queue by 7 a.m. in front of a government office you need something from. It won’t take you out of the situation, but it’ll make the situation suck a little bit less.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 3, 1921

You can’t always escape enemies, but in whatever form they present themselves – friends, neighbors or family – you can make them fear you. Simply follow these 8 powerful steps. 1. Put a rosary in your car That’s how they’ll know you aren’t one to be messed with. 2. Wear this kind of shades at […]

How to survive on 15k in a month
March 25, 2021

I saw this tweet and it had me, a resident broke person, thinking. There’s no foolproof method on how to survive on ₦15,000 a month but I wrote this guide last month. This one is for those of you that didn’t read it. 1. Plan your budget Budget which family member you are cutting off […]


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

More from Inside Life

September 23, 2022

We know some of these plots happen in real life, but we’re tired of seeing them in Nollywood movies. At this point, once you see some signs, it becomes very easy to predict how the movie would end. Please, what happened to suspense in our movies?


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.