8 Skills Everyone Needs To Survive Lagos Buses

March 9, 2020

1) Learn how to fold your legs like collapsable furniture.

In a bid to carry more passengers than their buses would usually take, Lagos bus drivers alter their vehicles to add more seats, leaving next to no legroom for anyone taller than 4 feet. Better join a yoga class now unless you want to spend entire bus journeys with your knee up a random person’s ass.

2) Learn how to shrink.

Along with having more seats than usual, Lagos bus drivers also carry more passengers than usual. This means that saying y’all will be packed like sardines is a serious understatement.

3) Get used to a wide variety of body odours.

There’s nothing worse than having a conductor stretch across the bus to collect money from another passenger and then have his armpit lightly graze your face. The same goes for those passengers who seemingly leave their houses smelling like 3-day old dirty dishwater.

4) Be alert at all times.

Do NOT fall asleep. I repeat, do NOT fall asleep. If you do, you will be robbed blind.

5) Do not help settle fights.

Because Ares and Eris both rule Lagos, it’s a pretty violent place. Fights break out between public transport personnel all the time. If you’re in a bus whose driver/conductor gets into a fight, wait it out while sitting safely inside the bus. If the fight goes on for too long, come down and find your way.

The same thing goes for when they get into trouble with the police or LASTMA for their reckless driving.

6) Always be prepared to run.

You see those fights I talked about? Sometimes, they attract the police. And sometimes, the (trigger happy) police begin shooting for no reason. Unless you want to spend eternity explaining to people in the afterlife how you died under the bridge at Oshodi after being hit by a stray bullet, you better be a fan of comfortable shoes.

7) Always enter with change.

To avoid embarrassment from the conductors, find change before entering their buses.

8) Learn how to jump in and out of moving vehicles.

In tune with Lagos’ chaotic energy, bus drivers will neither fully stop for you to get on or get off. It’s Fast and Furious up in this bitch.

You'll like this

February 11, 2020

1) “Bighead” = “I like you but I would rather play games so you don’t feel yourself too much. Mschew, why can’t you pick up all the hints I am sending you in my head?” 2) “Your girlfriend will beat me” = “Are you single? slightly single? or slightly married? let’s be guided before feelings […]

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.


Now on Zikoko

July 5, 2020

We know you’re chill and try as much as possible to let a lot of things go. However, we also know that there are things you find particularly annoying. So, we created this quiz to let you know what your biggest pet peeve is.

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Inside Life


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.