8 Hilarious Reasons Why You Go To Church

November 15, 2020

For some people, going to church is a regular part of their lives. As long as the sun rises on a Sunday, they are in church. For some of you, the church is only for special occasions (I’m not pointing fingers. If you’re feeling guilty, check yourself). For the irregular goers, you probably go for one or all of these reasons.

1. Your parents forced you

If you’re still living at home, not going to church is not an option. You’re singing praise and worship in church, but deep inside you, what you really want is to lie naked in bed and watch Netflix.

2. Looking for connections

You heard that Femi Otedola goes to one denomination, so every Sunday, you go with your CV and get ready to say “Please sah, epp me” while praying fervently to bump into him during Thanksgiving dance-out.

 

3. You’re broke

Sometimes, things are so rough that you suspect its village people that are controlling your life inside a calabash. So the next Sunday, you’re the first person to reach church.

4. To cure your heartbreak

Ever been so heartbroken that you know that the only person who can heal is you God? 

5. For husband/wife

You’ve been single for so long that you don’t even know what a cuddle feels like anymore. Meanwhile, they’re asking you at home when you will marry and you’ve heard that there are God-fearing men and women in church (It’s a lie. All of them are scum) so you decide to say “God when” directly to God.

6. You’ve been sinning

You were on your own o, in your lane on a quiet Saturday night when your friend calls you that you should go to out. That’s how you did all the nastiest things imaginable. Now you have to go and beg God to forgive your sins. O wrong nau.

You begging God to forgive all your nastiness.

7. Show off your baffs

You just copped some new dresses from IG but you haven’t had an opportunity to show them off because of lockdown, so you choose the next best thing: slaying in church. The cloth must not waste.

8. Look for sugar daddy/mummy

You heard that all the glucose guardians in your estate all go to one church like that. Heaven helps those who hustle or whatever the Bible said, so you’re in the house of God the next day to help yourself.

QUIZ: How Often Do You Go To Church?

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